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I'm sorry to hear that. But how could you have known when he went out of his way to lie like that? To be honest, my friend could be considered "worse" as she knew all along that he was married.
Getting a little harder to make excuses for a friend when they dive headlong and fully knowing. Is your friend unattractive or desperate? Is the guy a real studmuffin??
What is the deal when there are so many single men out there in the world. Why she cavorting with some married dude, always playing second fiddle to another woman, she's always gonna get the priority, or at least he's always gonna have to manipulate his schedule around his wife.
At the very basic level, why does someone devalue themselves to that degree?
I'm never gonna play second fiddle to another man.
When I said avoid judgement, I meant DURING the conversation. The OP can't help her feelings and obviously feels VERY conflicted because she likes her friend but abhors her friend's behavior. She CAN and SHOULD judge whether this friendship is worth holding onto based on what she now knows about her friend.
But if she expresses actual judgement while asking the friend those questions, the conversation won't last long.
After that, the OP can hold her friend accountable, even if the friend won't hold herself accountable.
Oh, I didn't mean you or what you said...I was just thinking of a Dr. Laura radio show from the mid 90's and it just struck me to talk about "judgment". We don't normally want to bring judgment into a conversation or make a person feel less than they are...or make them think we think so highly of ourselves that we then look down on them. But I remember her saying that, and this was specifically for infidelity, that we should judge...in the sense that people need to know what they're doing is wrong. And she was talking about friends, spouses, family...people we knew that had screwed up in a big way.
I also wouldn't have too many qualms about ditching a friendship of this nature. I mean, she really doesn't seem to think she's doing anything bad...well, I'm with the others who say just because she's single, doesn't make her a decent person. She's home wrecking...and the wife is always the bad guy (or whatever the case may be).
Yea, if she chooses to be indecent and believe that "she's the one", there's not much hope for the friendship. I don't know...you might want to put more effort in it...or wait until she's been dumped. Do you want to be there for her when she's fallen to pieces? I just don't know...
Oh and LOL at the guy who thinks there are tons of women who like sharing their men...I mean, I have NEVER met a woman like that...admittedly, I don't know tons and tons of people but still. And I always find it interesting that men who claim that all women "this" or "that", tell us we won't admit it so he must be right. Seriously LOLZ!!!!
Because women would rather share a desirable man than have an average Joe all to themselves. It's the feminine imperative at work.
In what universe are you from where women like to share men? LOL. Some women just prefer to get into a mess with a man that's already taken cuz he's obviously desirable if he's taken. I just don't get how these women can rule out the possibility of that very same guy cheating on her down the road? We all like to think we're special...
No guy is worth getting into a catty fight with another girl, imo.
I agree, but I will also admit to being the "other woman" once in my lifetime. Not absolving myself of course, but I was very young (22) and the guy in question much older (37). He claimed that he was divorced and had even showed me a "petition". He had a residence of his own, she lived in another state with the children. He pursued rather ardently. Cheaters definitely have a good game. Not something I am proud of and I feel bad about it to this day. I consider myself a good, decent person who had to learn a valuable life lesson.
My direct experience has been older women attemping to cheat when I was younger. My boss, a friend of my sisters and the 3rd I met at a bar are the ones that stick in my mind. I still see it at the bar scene today and the stories are sometimes the same but some are some doozies. Sometimes the woman is at the end of a marriage, sometimes its a culkold Husband situation, more often it's emotional or sexual abandonment. I could probably write a book.
Getting a little harder to make excuses for a friend when they dive headlong and fully knowing. Is your friend unattractive or desperate? Is the guy a real studmuffin??
What is the deal when there are so many single men out there in the world. Why she cavorting with some married dude, always playing second fiddle to another woman, she's always gonna get the priority, or at least he's always gonna have to manipulate his schedule around his wife.
At the very basic level, why does someone devalue themselves to that degree?
I'm never gonna play second fiddle to another man.
Period.
I've never seen this "amazing" man, but apparantly he is a studmiffin. I'd say my friend is average looking. Not one to stand out in a crowd for any particular reason. Very outgoing though. Easy going, in oh so many ways it turns out.
I'd never be anyone's second choice either. I told her that, and her priceless response was that she isn't.
She's his "special one".
In what universe are you from where women like to share men? LOL. Some women just prefer to get into a mess with a man that's already taken cuz he's obviously desirable if he's taken. I just don't get how these women can rule out the possibility of that very same guy cheating on her down the road? We all like to think we're special...
No guy is worth getting into a catty fight with another girl, imo.
Why did you ask a question to turn around and answer it yourself? That's a better question.
I've never seen this "amazing" man, but apparantly he is a studmiffin. I'd say my friend is average looking. Not one to stand out in a crowd for any particular reason. Very outgoing though. Easy going, in oh so many ways it turns out.
I'd never be anyone's second choice either. I told her that, and her priceless response was that she isn't.
She's his "special one".
Ah..... I see your friend is hanging out at the river in Africa.
Hi, I’m new so I hope I’m posting properly.
This is not only about me, as the title suggests.
My closest friend since 5 years has been sleeping with a married man for months.
She’s 35 and he’s 42. So they’re not exactly young and foolish, only the latter.
Many would say this is non of my business, and I understand that thinking.
But… She keeps bringing this ”relationship” up with me. She knows I disagree with it, but I haven’t made many comments for fear of losing her. So I let her talk… About how happy she is.
She knows that he sleeps with his wife, but thinks he does so out of ”duty”.
I can’t get my head around that!
But she’s in love and she’ll have him for as long as she can.
He’s ”stuck” with the wife for a number of reasons. Financial matters and kids.That’s what he tells her, and she buys that.
Finding out about this not only schocked me but saddened me too. It’s like I don’t know who she is anymore. She has never been married, and never been in a long relationship. Always very picky with men and rather single than with the "wrong" man. Yeah, go figure..
Despite her disappointing behaviour I don’t want to lose this friendship!
I obviously think she’s being played big time.
Now, I have developed an urge to talk to her about it.
I wish for her to question how he can love her and still sleep with his wife, if she means so much to him then why hide her away? How can she trust anything he tells her when he’s manipulating his own family? Why participate in ruining a family?
Maybe I’m selfish, but it would make ME feel better if I could put those questions in her mind.
I don’t want her wasting her life on a ”relationship” based on, and fuelled by, lies.
I’d be careful to not make it seem like I judge, or that I’m trying to tell her what to do.
I just want her to start thinking!
Has anyone been in my situation? If so, what did you tell your friend? Or do you have any suggestions? I’d love to know!
Thanks for reading.
The closest I've been to this type of situation is when a married man (who is a friend of mine) seemed to be trying to hook up with a single woman who really wanted to be with me.
He would even get all jealous whenever she talked to me. She told me that he would try to lie to her and say that he actually is not married, although everyone else knows that he is)
But apparently he had thought about what he was doing and how he was coming off. There has been no problem since almost a month ago.
It was rather confusing on his part. I did not have to tell him anything, other than to remind him of his wife.
Yeah I have a friend who talks to me (daily *sigh*) about the married man she's sleeping with. Well, she's also married so it's extra annoying. You are in a tough spot, because as a friend she's forcing you think about deep moral issues that you never wanted to think about yourself. Just tell her it's uncomfortable for you and that you don't want to talk about that. I did this once and my friend respected that ... for a while. But now she's back to talking about it again. People never listen to me...
Wow, your friend is doing twice as much damage. Tell her again, and if she doesn't respect your wish just completely ignore her talk about the matter.
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