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Old 02-06-2014, 03:00 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,044,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman View Post
As long as she does it over the phone instead of letter or text I think it is fine. At least he will not come back happy as hell to see her only to realize that they are breaking up. That for me would be more heartbreaking then finding out on a mission. I come from a military family so I am kind of aware of the feelings of returning home and the feelings when out with the unit.

I was married to a career military man until he paid the ultimate sacrifice. They need to be 100% on military missions. If they are having any problem at home they can't give enough. As a matter of fact, depending on their role on a mission, they could be pulled from it depending on what is going on with them at home. Other lives could be depending upon them.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:01 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,476 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman View Post
As long as she does it over the phone instead of letter or text I think it is fine. At least he will not come back happy as hell to see her only to realize that they are breaking up. That for me would be more heartbreaking then finding out on a mission. I come from a military family so I am kind of aware of the feelings of returning home and the feelings when out with the unit.
Gosh I would never do it via text or letter, I'm not that cruel haha. The thing is he also is planning on coming home sometime in the next month or two. He hasn't bought tickets or anything, and thats why I'm going to go for it. I thought about breaking up face to face when he got home, but that would probably be a hell of a lot worse.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:02 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by California831 View Post
Whats the issue? The real problem was you wanting to get back together with him before he joined the air force. Long distance relationships dont work. Period.
We didn't plan on getting back together before he left… it just kind of happened and we went with it. I realize that they don't work now, thank you.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:02 PM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,040,890 times
Reputation: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
I was married to a career military man until he paid the ultimate sacrifice. They need to be 100% on military missions. If they are having any problem at home they can't give enough. As a matter of fact, depending on their role on a mission, they could be pulled from it depending on what is going on with them at home. Other lives could be depending upon them.
She alluded to the fact he isn't on a combat mission I believe earlier in this thread.

Sorry to hear about your husband by the way. I respect all veterans who have served especially those that paid with their lives. True heros! I have a few relatives too who died on the border with Afghanistan in US-Pak counter terror operations.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by deb42 View Post
He will be away for about 5 more years. There is nobody else I'd rather have… he just suffocates me even though he is not here. I haven't ever recalled having a true sense of independence and now that I'm getting older I'd like to find that; find myself. I don't know if I can do this while still in this relationship. Thank you.
Yeah, if you're feeling suffocated by being in a relationship with someone you rarely even see, the reality is that your heart isn't in this, and you should really be open about that before any more time elapses. At this point, you're being really disingenuous to him if you don't.
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Old 02-06-2014, 05:37 PM
 
23,177 posts, read 12,138,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deb42 View Post
He will be away for about 5 more years. There is nobody else I'd rather have… he just suffocates me even though he is not here. I haven't ever recalled having a true sense of independence and now that I'm getting older I'd like to find that; find myself. I don't know if I can do this while still in this relationship. Thank you.
Find yourself? Independence? Are you having doubts about being in a relationship at all? Wanting to meet new people and free to date? Or would him backing off on the texting and facebooking be enough? Either way, you need to tell him just what you told us. It's counterintuitive but he needs to understand the best way to keep you with him is to loosen his grip.
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Old 02-06-2014, 06:13 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,606,283 times
Reputation: 12334
Considering everything you've posted in this thread, if he were smart, he'd ask you to marry him and move to where he is. If you say no, then he should break up with you and move on.

I don't foresee you breaking up with him, tbh, unless you get with another man.
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:26 PM
 
19 posts, read 29,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Considering everything you've posted in this thread, if he were smart, he'd ask you to marry him and move to where he is. If you say no, then he should break up with you and move on.

I don't foresee you breaking up with him, tbh, unless you get with another man.
If I did happen to meet a man I would want to see, I would hope I had already broken up with him so I wouldn't be leaving him for someone else. I don't wanna be that person

And I definitely do not want to get married yet.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:36 PM
 
Location: NYC
5,192 posts, read 4,648,878 times
Reputation: 7941
Well, no matter how much guilt you feel for owing him, you can no longer "pay" him back because you are no longer that person he fell in love with. You might as well end it as soon as possible because staying any longer will just hurt him more in the long run.
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Old 02-10-2014, 04:22 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43031
Quote:
Originally Posted by deb42 View Post
See thats the thing… when we ARE together, like when I stay with him, he wants to be attached at the hip. Cuddle all night. Cuddle on the couch. Hold hands all the time, etc. And I am just not as passionate about the physical aspect with him as I used to be! I don't know why, and it makes me very sad... that so called 'spark' is just so gone for me.
Since I'm so young, I feel like I shouldn't have to sacrifice these years of my life where I could be having so much fun. Don't get me wrong, I don't really party or anything and don't have interest in sleeping around at all. I just feel trapped.

Everybody says JUST DO IT. But its not that easy for me yet. Don't worry, I'm working up the mental courage every day! And I'm not totally stringing along. He knows something is wrong, he can tell, I just haven't gotten to the nitty gritty with him yet.

He sounds like a great guy. Just not the right one for you. I understand that you feel guilty. But stringing him along doesn't help him. Better be honest asap because he might get crazy already, knowing that something is off. PLEASE, do NOT start anything with anybody else until you have ended it with him.
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