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I would listen for awhile, everyone needs to vent, but at a certain point I try and steer the conversation away from work and make his laugh. He knows what I'm doing, and knows it's time to stop.
Whenever I had an evil boss I would pretend I was training people on how to handle difficult people, that I had to find the best way to handle the situation and maintain a good outlook. Sometimes it's all in how you view the situation, even if you have to mess with your own head.
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Ugh, OP, I feel for you. I really do. I've been on both sides of that coin--the one who hated her job and the one dealing with the partner who hates his. In some ways, it's easier to be the one in the miserable job because the person at home can feel pretty helpless in trying to make it better.
I firmly believe that home should be sanctuary, though, so maybe you can sit down and talk with your partner about that. Ask him what he needs from you to help him through this.
But also, on your own, watch for changes in his behavior. If he's taking out his frustrations on you, that's not fair to you.
Maybe you can come to some sort of agreement on limiting the kvetching. You'll listen and he can vent all he wants, but after half an hour, time's up, and he needs to let it go and focus on being in the moment with you, in your home, where that nasty old biddy is not. Make a point to remind him that he shouldn't give her the power to ruin his home life, too. And not for nothing, but she's 70. Beyotch has to retire sometime.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
^^^This. And as someone who previously brought her black moods home, I get it.
My SO is going through hell right now at his job, actually, for a long time now. But my patience ran thin and it was hard to be supportive, when he was also making choices that enabled the poor treatment he was receiving, and otherwise not doing anything about the situation. It's much easier to support him now that he's actively looking for a new job.
Oh, I hear that. And how. I'm glad he's looking for a new job. Alas, my guy is a civil servant more than halfway to retirement, and he can't. His behavior changed in the year since he was promoted. It wasn't so much that he complains about his job, although there is certainly enough there to complain about. I actually had no problem listening to him complain about it. I'm good with the validation: "He did that? What an ass! That would tick me off, too."
It's that he became snappish and short-tempered in general, and even though I can take chop-breaking pretty well, it seemed his comments were going from fun and teasing to having more edge, more like barbs than kidding around. After talking to him about it several times, I had enough, and finally I snapped, too. Let's just say that the giant flushing sound you hear is 7 years going down the toilet, because I couldn't take it anymore, and my feelings toward him started to change. We spoke last night for the first time in over a week, and honestly? I have to say I had a peaceful enough week not dealing with him that I'm pretty sure we're done. Only saw him once a week since his promotion as it was, so when I did, I dang sure didn't want to be his whipping girl.
Of course, I was never trapped for more than 9 months. I know what is not healthy for me and my kids. I'm not willing to sacrifice my mental health for a paycheck. We've had tough transitions as a result, but all has worked out in the end.
Right on Stagemomma.
What is the point being miserable? Go try something different? Try something you might enjoy. At the least, don't pigeon hole yourself into a situation. I switch careers every seven years, and while it's tight, and we stick to a firm budget, it works. You can't bring the anger from work home past the door mat. It's not fair to your family. IMO
Hello all. I thought I'd ask for some advice on here because I'm not sure what to do. I live with my partner (unmarried) of almost ten years. In general, we have a stable, satisfying relationship--we love and trust each other, rarely fight, and tend to communicate well with each other, though that's something we could work on.
He started a new, prestigious job about 6 months ago. He is having a very difficult time adjusting to his new boss, which makes him miserable, and almost every day I listen to him talk about how nasty, rude, and demeaning his boss is. His boss is a woman, in her 70s, very stuck in her ways, and apparently clueless as to how to manage people in a productive and respectful way.
The problem is, I really don't know what to say to him. I believe that he's not exaggerating when he describes this awful woman, but because I don't witness it, it's hard to give him any advice on how to deal with her. And seeing him in such a constant state of stress really worries me. Ideally, he would just quit, but that's just not feasible right now because we can't afford for him to be unemployed and the available positions in his field are few and far between.
Any ideas on how to deal with this? Thanks.
My wife has to put up with the same although I have evidence from other coworkers about management's incompetentcy to back up my stories. Worse yet the pay sucks too! You don't have to fix it, be supportive.
However, if it comes to the point where it is affecting him in a very adverse way he needs to bail and you need to help.
Posting in this thread because it's relevant, even if a few years old.
My partner absolutely hates his job and brings it home to me. Not every day, but usually every week and sometimes multiple days a week.
Even this, I'd be able to grin and bear if it paid him enough to pay his bills...but it doesn't. I've been paying significantly extra in rent (and other stuff) for the past few years. The thing is, in his field he is WAY underpaid and overworked. I'm sure he can find another similar job that pays significantly more, treats him better, or both -- but he refuses to. He hates his job but he says he hates change even more. I've suggested and encouraged him to find something more, but it started pissing him off so I stopped. It's not that he hasn't been able to find anything else -- it's that he hasn't even looked.
I listen and am sympathetic, make him dinners, get him surprises...but at some point, putting up with the same thing over and over and him doing nothing about it just gets old.
If he wants to work a terrible job for terrible pay I guess I should mind my own business, but by him bringing it home to me, as well as me paying extra so he doesn't have to change his situation and his refusal to do anything about it...it's gotten to the point where it's become an issue not just for him, but for us. I guess I'm not sure what to do.
Posting in this thread because it's relevant, even if a few years old.
My partner absolutely hates his job and brings it home to me. Not every day, but usually every week and sometimes multiple days a week.
Even this, I'd be able to grin and bear if it paid him enough to pay his bills...but it doesn't. I've been paying significantly extra in rent (and other stuff) for the past few years. The thing is, in his field he is WAY underpaid and overworked. I'm sure he can find another similar job that pays significantly more, treats him better, or both -- but he refuses to. He hates his job but he says he hates change even more. I've suggested and encouraged him to find something more, but it started pissing him off so I stopped. It's not that he hasn't been able to find anything else -- it's that he hasn't even looked.
I listen and am sympathetic, make him dinners, get him surprises...but at some point, putting up with the same thing over and over and him doing nothing about it just gets old.
If he wants to work a terrible job for terrible pay I guess I should mind my own business, but by him bringing it home to me, as well as me paying extra so he doesn't have to change his situation and his refusal to do anything about it...it's gotten to the point where it's become an issue not just for him, but for us. I guess I'm not sure what to do.
Here’s my suggestions:
Exercise lots of cardio and anaerobic
Lots of sex
Regularly discuss what is both right and Wrong at work with your spouse
Don’t sit inside and watch tv on weekends
Don’t cure your stress with alcohol or drug use
Eat healthy as possible
Do things for other people
Never take your work out on your partner or children
I try to do these and it helps balance out the terrible stress and anxiety my job would give me otherwise.
Having had an abusive, hostile boss, I wanted nothing more from the home front than empathy and moral support while I figured out what I would do to rectify the situation.
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