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If your relationship is about "control," it's time to find a new one, anyway. If all of your relationships are about control (yours or theirs), it's time to do some soul-searching to figure out why that is and what you need to change.
This quote is something that I don't want to believe, but I'm beginning to think it's actually true.
We shouldn't care about someone who doesn't care about us, or who acts indifferent towards us. But yet, those are the people who we feel we have to "prove" ourselves to, because we start fearing we're not enough for them. We go out of our way to make them happy.
It's really not about whether we "should" or "shouldn't" care. We can't help how we feel. The issue is how much we should and shouldn't give and how long we should stay in a one sided relationship.
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I don't want this quote to be true because it paints love and relationships in such a twisted, backwards light.
It is true to a degree, but it's not always a twisted scenario. People love in different ways and feel in different intensities. I doubt that two people will ever really truly love each other equally. There just has to be enough to nurture and sustain what they have and want to create together. Feeling less love doesn't mean it's a little love. One can love huge and the other can love hugerer.
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Love is supposed to be selfless and giving. But time and time again, I see selfless, giving people hooking up with total takers and sociopaths.
You're talking about extreme situations. This is not a reality for everyone.
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I want to think that love and relationships are about mutual respect...but are they really?
Or is it simply this twisted dynamic of whoever cares the least, gets the most?
Yes, healthy love and relationships are about mutual respect, and when they are both in place, both parties gain from it.
This twisted dynamic you speak of has nothing to do with love or mutual respect. If your partner/family/friend doesn't care about you or acts indifferent towards you, it's time for one of you to call it a day. If you stay, then you are choosing to go without.
If your relationship is about "control," it's time to find a new one, anyway. If all of your relationships are about control (yours or theirs), it's time to do some soul-searching to figure out why that is and what you need to change.
I agree with you. I've thought a lot about this and the simple fact is, real love is not based on fear - it's based on TRUST. Real love feels so good that why would a person WANT to introduce fear into the mix. Real love means being able to completely throw caution to the wind and bare yourself (figuratively ) to the person you love.
Real love is not games. Real love is not manipulation. And real love is not control.
This quote is something that I don't want to believe, but I'm beginning to think it's actually true.
We shouldn't care about someone who doesn't care about us, or who acts indifferent towards us. But yet, those are the people who we feel we have to "prove" ourselves to, because we start fearing we're not enough for them. We go out of our way to make them happy.
I don't want this quote to be true because it paints love and relationships in such a twisted, backwards light. Love is supposed to be selfless and giving. But time and time again, I see selfless, giving people hooking up with total takers and sociopaths. I want to think that love and relationships are about mutual respect...but are they really? Or is it simply this twisted dynamic of whoever cares the least, gets the most?
This quote is something that I don't want to believe, but I'm beginning to think it's actually true.
We shouldn't care about someone who doesn't care about us, or who acts indifferent towards us. But yet, those are the people who we feel we have to "prove" ourselves to, because we start fearing we're not enough for them. We go out of our way to make them happy.
I don't want this quote to be true because it paints love and relationships in such a twisted, backwards light. Love is supposed to be selfless and giving. But time and time again, I see selfless, giving people hooking up with total takers and sociopaths. I want to think that love and relationships are about mutual respect...but are they really? Or is it simply this twisted dynamic of whoever cares the least, gets the most?
The giving, selfless people who stay with total takers and sociopaths usually have deep-seated psychological problems of their own. Their apparently giving and selfless behavior is really a reflection of their desperate neediness and lack of self-esteem. While they are sniveling and servile towards people who abuse them, they are often quite cruel and dismissive towards people who genuinely care about them. They in no way represent the majority of people. Frankly, I find that kind of weakness revolting and give such people a wide berth.
Having control over someone can be a powerful high for these type of giving, selfless people, and I agree: masochists are, in a strange sort of way, power-hungry!
You don't see the smile, because it's hidden: they could pull the rug out behind these people anytime and watch them fall apart, become screaming maniac's or suicidal.
I think the line is true. My husband definitely cares much more about me than I do him and I have used this in the past to gain the upper hand and sometimes be flat out spiteful. I like controlling the relationship but know my limits and won't ruin a good thing. Learning just how much attention and affection to give in order to seemingly be the adoring wife is key.
When a guy is less into the girl, it keeps her on her toes. Women need to feel that they like the guy more than he likes her. And yet in the vast majority of cases, it is the guy who likes the girl more. Which of course makes perfect sense that the guy likes her more, he's the one who had to pursue her. If he didn't like her, he wouldn't have asked her out in the first place.
I think what you are saying is true to a degree. Whether it's the guy or the girl, whoever is into the other "less" does keep the one who is into the other "more" on said proverbial toes. I think both men and women "like" to work a little for something (even if that something is someone else's affection). But the key is "work a little."
I would caution that there is also a tipping point where if one feels the other just doesn't care enough about them, they are out the door.
So to use your example. When a man like a woman, but it's clear she's more into him than he is into her. She will be on her toes and try... but if he pushes it too much (and I am talking on purpose... game playing to keep her hooked), it's only a matter of time before another man comes along who doesn't make her work for his attention and she will move on. If he truly did like her, he will lose eventually.
And you can reverse that right around, it's a gender neutral thing. If a woman likes a man and teases and game plays him like I mentioned above, the same thing will eventually happen. He will find a woman who doesn't make him work so hard for affection.
Of course, imbalanced attraction doesn't necessarily have to be "game playing." It might just be that one party really is much more interested than the other. The result is the same (the other person eventually moves on), but in those cases, the person who cared less still doesn't care because it was his or her honest feelings... not a game to hook someone they were interested in.
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) to the person you love. 
