Would you date a woman with kids? (younger, separate, pregnancy)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's what I was going to say... some people have carry-ons and others have steamer trunks.
Although I always took issue with referring to other people (kids) as baggage and ranking them up there with drug, alcohol, emotional, psychological "problems." But I get why people say that because kids can complicate a relationship. But so do other things and people don't refer to them as baggage (like a person who travels a lot, works late or weird hours, someone caring for a sick parent, etc).
I would say I want a partner with a similar amount life experiences too. And while I don't think of kids as baggage, I also have a preference for divorced dads. Mainly because I feel they can relate. Having and taking care of children is a milestone in life (like graduating high school, graduating from college, getting married, etc). We've reached the same milestones and are on the same "level" in life. Doesn't stop me from dating divorced guys without kids (man I am dating now never had any with his Ex-wife/she didn't want them, but he did.) But all other things being equal, I prefer a partner with children.
And your statements is where competing on the dating field has been hard for me. I can't help that I haven't been married. The one chance that I could have gotten married, I just flat out wasn't MATURE enough. Now that I am, never being married or having kids actually hurts me in my geographical location. I don't have those life experiences and battlescars that you are talking about. Quite honestly it stinks, because less and less women are my age and childless or even never married. 21-25 age range just isn't very comfortable with me. It kinda freaks them out being messaged by a guy who's 30. I've had a couple who like it, but even when I've messaged a 23 year old that seemed fun, I thought about the age gap and felt she likely wouldn't be comfortable with it.
I hate that everyone judges on these battlescars, because I think there's just as many good women/men who chose to not marry young, compared to people who married and got divorced. No one says someone is a failure for getting a divorce. It's like we are viewed as failures for never marrying. Notice how in retrospect, that seems backwards?
And your statements is where competing on the dating field has been hard for me. I can't help that I haven't been married. The one chance that I could have gotten married, I just flat out wasn't MATURE enough. Now that I am, never being married or having kids actually hurts me in my geographical location. I don't have those life experiences and battlescars that you are talking about. Quite honestly it stinks, because less and less women are my age and childless or even never married. 21-25 age range just isn't very comfortable with me. It kinda freaks them out being messaged by a guy who's 30. I've had a couple who like it, but even when I've messaged a 23 year old that seemed fun, I thought about the age gap and felt she likely wouldn't be comfortable with it.
I hate that everyone judges on these battlescars, because I think there's just as many good women/men who chose to not marry young, compared to people who married and got divorced. No one says someone is a failure for getting a divorce. It's like we are viewed as failures for never marrying. Notice how in retrospect, that seems backwards?
It bothers me that never married people are looked that way but divorced people aren't. Personally I think never married people are the smartest because they refused to settle.
And your statements is where competing on the dating field has been hard for me. I can't help that I haven't been married. The one chance that I could have gotten married, I just flat out wasn't MATURE enough. Now that I am, never being married or having kids actually hurts me in my geographical location. I don't have those life experiences and battlescars that you are talking about. Quite honestly it stinks, because less and less women are my age and childless or even never married. 21-25 age range just isn't very comfortable with me. It kinda freaks them out being messaged by a guy who's 30. I've had a couple who like it, but even when I've messaged a 23 year old that seemed fun, I thought about the age gap and felt she likely wouldn't be comfortable with it.
I hate that everyone judges on these battlescars, because I think there's just as many good women/men who chose to not marry young, compared to people who married and got divorced. No one says someone is a failure for getting a divorce. It's like we are viewed as failures for never marrying. Notice how in retrospect, that seems backwards?
For me it's just a preference... not a deal breaker that a man doesn't have kids. Like I said, the man I am dating now is divorced with no kids.
I think what it is with me is that there is a lot of judgement passed on people with kids. You see it here in this thread where they are called "baggage." Every now and then you see single mom threads where people (usually those without them) say horrible things about your character because you are a single mom. You are called poor, stupid, lazy, easy, your kids are brats, etc, etc. For the record, I am a working professional, mid-level management, make a decent salary, own my home, etc. and my daughter is honor roll and advanced placement (gifted/talented) program in math and science. She does well socially, was "citizen of the year" at her school last year, and is a good kid. So to avoid that kind of judgement against me and my daughter, I tend to look to others like me who know (and that would be single dads).
I think a way around being judged on not having those battlescars is to show tolerance for those with them (that is if you are at all interested in dating women who might have children). Like I said, the man I am dating now has no kids, but he's a loving and favorite uncle and he takes an interest in my daughter and is kind to her (sends her birthday gifts). So I feel like he's not judging or seeing my daughter as a "negative" in a relationship.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
It bothers me that never married people are looked that way but divorced people aren't. Personally I think never married people are the smartest because they refused to settle.
Agreed. Not making an error in judgment is now a negative to some. Incredible.
Though I got to admit, I don't run into many divorced women IRL that have anything against non single dad / divorced men. It seems to be an internet phenomena.
Agreed. Not making an error in judgment is now a negative to some. Incredible.
Though I got to admit, I don't run into many divorced women IRL that have anything against non single dad / divorced men. It seems to be an internet phenomena.
I want to be clear that I don't either... it's just that I prefer to date other single parents (re: single dads). Preference for doesn't mean I have anything against (or would never consider) someone else. I suppose (excpet on online dating) it really doesn't come into play because if I meet a man and like him I don't know if he has kids or not. But if I like him, I like him. Online you kind of search based on criteria and you might not even see men who aren't parents if one of your filters is "has kids." But you have to have some filters or have thousands of matches to go though
When I did online my filters where usually, around my age, within 10 miles, divorced with kids, and I added one hobby I loved as a search criteria just so I would have a manageable amount of matches to look though. But if a man contacted me that wasn't in those filters... I didn't write him off. I would read his profile (if he sent a real message and not something like, "wanna have a 3-sum") and write back if I was interested.
For me it's just a preference... not a deal breaker that a man doesn't have kids. Like I said, the man I am dating now is divorced with no kids.
I think what it is with me is that there is a lot of judgement passed on people with kids. You see it here in this thread where they are called "baggage." Every now and then you see single mom threads where people (usually those without them) say horrible things about your character because you are a single mom. You are called poor, stupid, lazy, easy, your kids are brats, etc, etc. For the record, I am a working professional, mid-level management, make a decent salary, own my home, etc. and my daughter is honor roll and advanced placement (gifted/talented) program in math and science. She does well socially, was "citizen of the year" at her school last year, and is a good kid. So to avoid that kind of judgement against me and my daughter, I tend to look to others like me who know (and that would be single dads).
I think a way around being judged on not having those battlescars is to show tolerance for those with them (that is if you are at all interested in dating women who might have children). Like I said, the man I am dating now has no kids, but he's a loving and favorite uncle and he takes an interest in my daughter and is kind to her (sends her birthday gifts). So I feel like he's not judging or seeing my daughter as a "negative" in a relationship.
For me, I don't think it's always tolerance. I think it goes back to what you said. This guy has been married and divorced, and with or without children. He's experienced at least marriage, children and/or both. This person over here has experienced neither. What person do I have time to try and date? Like you said, preference change. A single mom has never once said I'm boring, but fact of the matter was that I hadn't had the battlescar preferences that they were looking for. Their time was even more precious, because as many posters have stated, they are older and their looks were starting to fade. Divorce, bills, children, and overall life add stress.
For them a single dad and/or divorced man was a path of least resistance for them. While trying to date an unmarried man with no children was a path of heavy resistance. I don't blame them, but it sure can make you scratch your head at times. I've gotten asked countless times why I never seriously committed and my answer was the same. I wanted to secure my education and a career after my last marriage minded relationship ended in 2009. I just had a lot of things to sort out and it took me not being marriage minded or seriously committed minded to do it.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 02-12-2014 at 02:11 PM..
She works a part-time job and uses the income to take care of the kids and pay living expenses. My girlfriend and her kids are on medicaid. She stays with the kids at home during the evenings after they return home from school and during the weekends. Her mother babysits the kids when she is away from home (such as if she goes to dinner or movie with me or if she hangs out with one of her friends).
She works a part-time job and uses the income to take care of the kids and pay living expenses. My girlfriend and her kids are on medicaid. She stays with the kids at home during the evenings after they return home from school and during the weekends. Her mother babysits the kids when she is away from home (such as if she goes to dinner or movie with me or if she hangs out with one of her friends).
So in other words is on welfare. Avoid this leech.
Four children are a lot of step children that you will have to deal with.
Can't say that I have, and I most likely wouldn't. Not young ones at home. It's not for me.
I agree. I love my girlfriend, and I enjoy meeting the family but honestly, that would have been a lot of stepchildren to deal with if I actually had married her. Not only that but I can't really discipline them since I am not their father. She would have deferred to them over me every time, because she is the biological mother of all four of them. Blood is thicker than water. My girlfriend has 4 children. The oldest was from someone she met through a friend. She only had sex with him once. She later married someone else and had two of the kids from her ex-husband but she later divorced him. The ex-husband passed away years later. She got pregnant from the 4th child from a guy she was FWB with at the time. She was on birth control at the time, but she got pregnant anyway. The biological father of the 4th child left her when she was pregnant with his son.
Last edited by anonymous51; 02-12-2014 at 02:46 PM..
I agree. I love my girlfriend, and I enjoy meeting the family but honestly, that would have been a lot of stepchildren to deal with if I actually had married her. Not only that but I can't really discipline them since I am not their father. She would have deferred to them over me every time, because she is the biological mother of all four of them. Blood is thicker than water. My girlfriend has 4 children. The oldest was from someone she met through a friend. She only had sex with him once. She later married someone else and had two of the kids from her ex-husband but she later divorced him. The ex-husband passed away years later. She got pregnant from the 4th child from a guy she was FWB with at the time. She was on birth control at the time, but she got pregnant anyway. The biological father of the 4th child left her when she was pregnant with his son.
Not to burst your bubble, but there were ways to prevent two of these children. She gets a pass on the children she had while married, because that's usually what people do when they are married. Only using birth control as a precaution is dangerous. Men should wear condoms as well. It's better to be safe than sorry. Hence why the guy ran off when the news came that she was pregnant.
I have single mom experience from my old FWB and for a number of years she just wanted someone to love her. After going through breakups and moving her and her kids around, she kinda just gave up on love. Her situation was too much to bear to give her the type of man that would be there for her emotionally. Most men seemed to like the situation when it was just her, but once the kids were involved, it just became too much. Some single mom's are good people, but for various circumstances couldn't catch a break dating.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 02-12-2014 at 06:03 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
