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So I've been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks, he texts or calls me practically everyday. So we last spoke on Friday and then I didn't here from him again until Sunday night which I thought was odd, but just figured maybe he lost interest or something. So when he texted me Sunday night I really wasn't very responsive, then on Tuesday he texted me and asked if he did or said something wrong, so I said no and he asked why I was giving him the cold shoulder and then went on to say that looks like we have a communication problem. I told him to call me so we can talk over the phone, which he did.
So when he called there was some small talk at first and then he went on to ask me what I was looking for so I said, "I think you're a nice guy and I'd like to keep seeing you" and then he said "I mean what are you looking for with me"? Since I thought I had just answered that question I just repeated what I said before, "I like and I want to keep seeing you" so then he gets all weird and says "well I freak out when things get serious" and then goes on to say "I don't want to hurt you in the long run" and stuff like that. I'm just confused as to why he even brought this conversation up, we've only been seeing each other a couple weeks and I've never said or implied anything about getting serious with him.
I hate saying this but part of me feels like he didn't get the answer he wanted from me so he acted like he's the one who doesn't want anything serious. Does anybody else find this a bit confusing or strange?
Yea, I know I dont like not getting the answer I am looking for. What he said was weird though, if you were not very responsive and things seemed to be stalling out then I would just keep looking. Its odd that you did not hear from him on the most social days of the week (unless he works some bizare schedule that has him working on fri and sat?).
With you not being responsive that would be the opposite of things getting serious so I dont really get it either. Are you sleeping with him yet?
Yea, I know I dont like not getting the answer I am looking for. What he said was weird though, if you were not very responsive and things seemed to be stalling out then I would just keep looking. Its odd that you did not hear from him on the most social days of the week (unless he works some bizare schedule that has him working on fri and sat?).
With you not being responsive that would be the opposite of things getting serious so I dont really get it either. Are you sleeping with him yet?
Yes, I have slept with him.
I figure, if you're not looking for anything just let it fizzle out instead of aggressively contacting me to figure out what's gone wrong.
Why are you wasting your time with a man who doesn't know what he wants?
Well I didn't really realize I was wasting my time until recently, I'm usually very quick to write men off, just wanted to think a little before I do the same to this one.
So I've been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks, he texts or calls me practically everyday. So we last spoke on Friday and then I didn't here from him again until Sunday night which I thought was odd, but just figured maybe he lost interest or something. So when he texted me Sunday night I really wasn't very responsive, then on Tuesday he texted me and asked if he did or said something wrong, so I said no and he asked why I was giving him the cold shoulder and then went on to say that looks like we have a communication problem. I told him to call me so we can talk over the phone, which he did.
So when he called there was some small talk at first and then he went on to ask me what I was looking for so I said, "I think you're a nice guy and I'd like to keep seeing you" and then he said "I mean what are you looking for with me"? Since I thought I had just answered that question I just repeated what I said before, "I like and I want to keep seeing you" so then he gets all weird and says "well I freak out when things get serious" and then goes on to say "I don't want to hurt you in the long run" and stuff like that. I'm just confused as to why he even brought this conversation up, we've only been seeing each other a couple weeks and I've never said or implied anything about getting serious with him.
I hate saying this but part of me feels like he didn't get the answer he wanted from me so he acted like he's the one who doesn't want anything serious. Does anybody else find this a bit confusing or strange?
Yep, he didn't get the answer he wanted from you: You didn't fawn all over him and tell him he was the best thing since sliced bread, so he puffed himself up with the delusion that he could hurt you in the long run. You were supposed to be upset that he didn't grace you with his presence or any communication on Saturday. You were supposed to be heartbroken and ego-stroking.
I'd have played that interaction differently. First, I don't do texting, other than "Running 10 mins late." So it's good that you told him to call you.
But after he said he freaks out when things get serious, I'd have said, "I don't recall saying anything about getting serious."
He probably would have said, "Oh, well, just so you know. I don't want to hurt you in the long run."
I'd have said, "Don't worry. You won't. I appreciate your honesty. If and when I want something serious, I will know you are not up for it."
And then I probably wouldn't have bothered with him again unless I wanted to get laid or something--but only if he was good at it and I had no one and nothing else to do.
Did you ever explain to him that the reason you were slower to respond to him after Sunday was that he hadn't contacted you all weekend until Sunday evening? Does he have any awareness at all that you were simply reacting to his lack of communication?
It all sounds a bit childish and game-playing. The drama isn't worth it.
In my opinion, you chose to play games with him by being pretty nonresponsive when he tried to communicate with you on Sunday. In your OP you said he called or texted PRACTICALLY everyday. So you went out on Friday and heard from him on Sunday. Apparently that doesn't equate to practically everyday to you so you got pissed and decided to shut him off. I'd imagine he is also confused. If you want to keep playing this kind of game you are probably better off writing him off.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli
In my opinion, you chose to play games with him by being pretty nonresponsive when he tried to communicate with you on Sunday. In your OP you said he called or texted PRACTICALLY everyday. So you went out on Friday and heard from him on Sunday. Apparently that doesn't equate to practically everyday to you so you got pissed and decided to shut him off. I'd imagine he is also confused. If you want to keep playing this kind of game you are probably better off writing him off.
Did you ever explain to him that the reason you were slower to respond to him after Sunday was that he hadn't contacted you all weekend until Sunday evening? Does he have any awareness at all that you were simply reacting to his lack of communication?
It all sounds a bit childish and game-playing. The drama isn't worth it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli
In my opinion, you chose to play games with him by being pretty nonresponsive when he tried to communicate with you on Sunday. In your OP you said he called or texted PRACTICALLY everyday. So you went out on Friday and heard from him on Sunday. Apparently that doesn't equate to practically everyday to you so you got pissed and decided to shut him off. I'd imagine he is also confused. If you want to keep playing this kind of game you are probably better off writing him off.
I don't know, you two. I get the sense he came on strong, then disappeared on the weekend, when most people have dates. She said she spoke to him on Friday, not that they went out.
My guess is he probably went out with friends and got a few numbers or something, and was trying to suss out the OP's interest in him. If he was into her, he would have made a date with her for some point over the weekend. Instead, he let the whole weekend go.
But she didn't seem to notice, so it chapped his ego a bit. He may not have wanted anything serious, but egos are funny things: He was probably irked that she didn't appear to want him all that much, either.
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