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Old 02-21-2014, 09:59 AM
 
16 posts, read 13,574 times
Reputation: 12

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To get to the point. I've in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. It has always been my prerogative to marry her live that life I assume most of us dream of. Unfortunately, as the relationship continued I began noticing she was much different from the girl I thought she was. She portrayed herself as a person immune to superficial things which was a great to me considering my last relationship was with a girl who just wanted it all. Slowly and surely her entitlement issues prevailed. A few months into the relationship issues arriving from her past started affecting our's. I would receive phone calls from her crying saying how scared she was I would hurt her from her ex and that she didn't want to get hurt again. Though annoying and stressful, I loved her and tried to endure and do what was necessary to give her security. A year down the road I discovered via old emails that during her time of so called distress and projecting the negative feelings of her ex to me, she was in fact in constant communication with her ex to the point there were secret meetings for them to get intimate. This was absolutely mind blowing to me. I couldn't fathom how someone could say one thing and do the other. She claimed she loved me and that it was soo long ago when she was still feeling insecure and lonely. I sympathized with her because i knew she did have some "issues" i.e. bulimia and perfection problems and took her back a month later. Now a year later,my GF just stopped all contact with me for a good 4 days. I first thought she was feeling unappreciated so I sent flowers to her work. After getting no response I called her sister to see if she knew anything. An hour later I received an email from my GF saying she was no good for me and that she still has issues and tried to kill herself over with weekend and that it was mandated she get psychological treatment etc. Her story had a lot of gaps in it so I contacted her sister again to confirm. Her sister informed me that she doesn't know why my GF is lying to me bc she was with her and her mom all weekend. It makes no sense why someone would want another to endure the pain of assuming a loved one is trying to commit suicide. Is there any hope for this broken girl??
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:03 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,173,486 times
Reputation: 29088
She sounds like sociopath. Get rid of her.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:05 AM
 
Location: ATL & LA
986 posts, read 1,858,725 times
Reputation: 1598
There's hope for her - but not for you to help her with. People cannot love and be fully present in a relationship when they don't love themselves, and she does NOT love herself. Nothing is going to change until she changes, and that'll take time and therapy. She is a liar and manipulative. Drop contact with her right away.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,615,274 times
Reputation: 4112
I don't really know why you took her back in the first place, knowing she cheated and had already struggled with mental issues before.

I'd let this go. Saying she tried to kill herself is desperate attention-seeking. Not worth dealing with.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:23 AM
 
Location: NYC
5,196 posts, read 4,648,878 times
Reputation: 7942
You obviously still care a lot about this girl but I'm pretty sure even if you are somehow with her, all the bright moments will be matched by really dark moments. More likely there will be many more dark moments. People hopelessly in love stay for the potential for these bright moments.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:33 AM
 
16 posts, read 13,574 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
You obviously still care a lot about this girl but I'm pretty sure even if you are somehow with her, all the bright moments will be matched by really dark moments. More likely there will be many more dark moments. People hopelessly in love stay for the potential for these bright moments.

I completely understand everything you all have said. Despite my initial interpretation of her, there is obviously all lot of good in her that still makes me love and endure for her. Sadly, the negatives have been affecting me in so many ways. Just more stressed and insecure than ever. I think its in my best interest to leave for my own well being but would honestly say it would still hurt to not be able to help her and losing the life you aspired to have.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
She cheated on you with her ex and is unstable. Buh-bye. She can get help professionally.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:53 AM
 
5,273 posts, read 14,514,113 times
Reputation: 5880
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
She cheated on you with her ex and is unstable. Buh-bye. She can get help professionally.
This.
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:05 AM
 
16 posts, read 13,574 times
Reputation: 12
Supposedly she had help when she was admitted to a clinic for her eating disorder. FYI, this thread is due to the fact we had a huge fight where her mom tried to intervene and discusses her issues and asked if I really wanted to be with her daughter. She also informed me while in therapy the professionals said that after a few weeks she was good to go. She obviously fooled them and me. Smh
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:38 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Too much baggage here, OP. When she called you crying about not wanting to get hurt, blah blah, you should have suggested she get professional help right then and there. And the secret meetings and lying? You should have walked.

And no, there isn't hope for her. People like this, even if they get help, will game the shrink, and not get anything out of the process.

Do yourself a favor and accept that it's over. You were Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Supportive, with the wrong woman. She's a head case. Move on to a normal, well-adjusted person.
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