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Old 02-21-2014, 07:43 PM
 
86 posts, read 275,584 times
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I'll make this story short: I started this new job 3 months ago, and a guy was assigned to work with me due to the nature of my job. Well, the first day he was kind enough to give me a tour of the company and by the way, he mentioned that "he has a girlfriend", I got the message, I kept my distance and my friendly attitude within limits....Moving forward three months later....this guy gets in very close proximity to me, and when he sees someone is watching , he puts some distance between us ... I guess to avoid rumors?? Anyways, I have not flirted with him at all, just being my usual sweet self with him and everyone...but I notice he stares straight into my eyes, he fidgets, rubs his chin when he sees me, makes excuses to talk to me whenever he's got a chance...and asked me on Halloween if I had any kids coming over to my house 9to find out if I had kids I guess??? also, I wore on my right hand the other day a ring that had a shiny stone in it and his eyes jumped right at it to make sure it was not an engagement ring, I guess...Today he saw me and immediately smiled at me, like his face lit up just when I greeted him. I know is obvious the guy has some feelings for me...but is this flirting or just attraction...he always offers to do things for me, and by the way ..I am his immediate supervisor but we are kind of close in age....I don't approve cheating or a relationship at work because it brings many problems... and I would never consider having anything to do with a guy in a relationship, but his attitude makes me curious....doesn't he like his GF enough , why is it that he is flirting or showing attraction towards another girl??? Guys or girls, what do you think???

Last edited by ladyturquoise; 02-21-2014 at 07:45 PM.. Reason: .
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Old 02-21-2014, 07:48 PM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,894,877 times
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I don't see anything that I would indicate as obvious flirtation.
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Old 02-21-2014, 07:52 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,865 posts, read 64,312,187 times
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It sounds like he's fighting an attraction to you.

I also wonder if it's true he has a gf.
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Old 02-21-2014, 07:57 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,872,955 times
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Whether he is flirting or not it is usually best to keep romance out of the office.
Things rarely end well for either of you and honestly why would you voluntarily give the gossipers more to talk about?
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:04 PM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,365,196 times
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You're his supervisor. Why do you even care about the "whys"? You NEED to put an end to it.
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:16 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,865 posts, read 64,312,187 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
You're his supervisor. Why do you even care about the "whys"? You NEED to put an end to it.
Put an end to what? He hasn't done anything, except cheer up when she comes in, make excuses to talk to her, surreptitiously check out the ring on her finger, and stand a little too close to her on occasion. The eye contact--the excessive eye contact has to go.

The way to deal with this, OP, is to speak to him very formally, use your official supervisor demeanor in dealing with him. If he comes over to ask you unnecessary questions, be curt with him. He should get the message.
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,605 posts, read 17,689,431 times
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No, it doesn't sound like he is flirting with you.

I would think you would be more interested in doing your job than worrying about a guy who might be attracted to you.
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Old 02-23-2014, 06:36 PM
 
Location: In Sticky San Antonio TX
1,394 posts, read 2,451,613 times
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Because of harassment in the workplace, you need to create a boundary as a supervisor and begin with this fellow. There is something disconcerting about his behavior. Create a professional boundary so it doesn't extend too far into you space. It doesn't matter if he has a gf or not, or is flirting with you or not. Creating a professional relationship means you have a work 'demeanor' that doesn't allow for further discussion. It seems he has intruded on this boundary and it simply needs to be ironed out in how you talk with him and in what you exchange. Personal details are not work oriented. Let him know non-verbally in the short-term or with a frank discussion in the long term that you have to be more professional, because if all the persons in all the business acted this way with all their subordinates, nothing would get accomplished relative to tasks at hand. You are the supervisor, you can make this work. It takes discretion and sophistication; putting an end to it, being curt, and having a supervisor's demeanor are all 'tricks' that work without you coming off as tyrannical, as Molli and R4T have pointed out. This is the space supervisors create. Now is the time, being comfortable with the tasks and responsibilities of the job, to create that distance. Let him know politely you appreciate him showing you the ropes, but now with the reins in hand, you will proceed with your responsibilities as a boss and minimize such interactions.
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:16 PM
 
86 posts, read 275,584 times
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Your views are truly appreciated...I always follow a professional demeanor at work and I do put distance between me and my subordinates in a respectful way. I display a friendly attitude to everyone at work, and by friendly I mean pleasant and making everyone feel comfortable and being approachable...I agree that I have to put limits so he doesn't think I welcome his behavior, especially knowing the guy has a GF ...don't do to others what you don't want done to you....I would not appreciate a BF doing that to me and flirting with his boss... I think guys do that to get an ego boost or something like that ..I guess

Last edited by ladyturquoise; 02-23-2014 at 07:22 PM.. Reason: .
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
341 posts, read 425,184 times
Reputation: 606
With all due respect, you obviously are putting out something less then professional if he is carrying on that way around you.

As his supervisor, you need to create and keep a distance from him, or you won't have a "profession" much longer. Losing a job for sexual harassment will follow you, and it's just not worth it. Every job application I have every made asks if you've ever been dismissed from a job, how do you want to answer that question?
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