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Old 02-22-2014, 11:24 AM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,754,365 times
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My husband and I are having a debate regarding the use of terms of endearment.

He uses terms of endearment with his female facebook friends because he wants his female friends to feel at home with him. He wants his female friends to feel that they can talk to him about almost anything. He wants his female friends to feel like they are family.

The tems of endearment he uses are...

hon
darling
sweetie
and so on

I am the opposite. I just do not understand the need for that.

Is this really necessary?
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:32 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,942,826 times
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Nope. And you should seriously be wondering why your husband is so concerned about his "friends" feeling so comfortable with him.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:45 AM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,187 posts, read 5,142,789 times
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I use snooglewumpkins, personally. But some of my past girlfriends have voiced concerns over it. I am thinking of changing it to schmoopy doo, and see if that's more endearing.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:46 AM
 
1,326 posts, read 1,129,132 times
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Is he from the south? I find both the men and women addressing me as sweetie, honey, darling, pumpkin, etc. when I'm in southern states. I just accept it as being the norm there but the pumpkin one annoys the heck out of me.

If I was married I don't think I would be happy with the way your husband is acting, especially since he is saying it to females he is actually friends with. How would he feel if you started calling your male friends stud muffin, babe, hon, etc.?

IMO, he should respect your feelings and stop doing it since he knows you don't like it.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:51 AM
 
33,016 posts, read 27,305,232 times
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Is there a hierarchy of these terms? I was just getting used to 'sweetie' when 'honey' was introduced; so now I seem to be interchangeably sweetie and honey. I haven't noticed any pattern to suggest that each is used under specific conditions.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,271 posts, read 34,391,475 times
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Some people talk like this.... usually older guys. BUT..........

Why does he want "female friends to feel at home with him. He wants his female friends to feel that they can talk to him about almost anything. He wants his female friends to feel like they are family"?

That's disturbing.
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:21 PM
 
Location: In bucolic TN
1,706 posts, read 3,290,117 times
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He may want the feelings of closeness but is not appreciative of your perspective on 'how close' these words may be interpreted and how they make you feel when he uses them with others. Let him know you respect his desire for an affinity with these acquaintances, but he needs to use other phrases with them. This is not a language/culture barrier; at one point, you may have been the recipient of these monikers, but having moved up in the ranks to wife, it seems something else is included in this banter. For respect of your feelings, if you want to have comfort in his relationship with these women, he needs to use other names with them.

His using the excuse that 'they will feel better with him if...' is only an excuse. If he is looking for more, you will nip this in the bud and he will respect you. If he is seeking a more comfortable relationship with acquaintances, he needs a better set of terms than those he holds for those with whom he is truly endeared.

How does he talk with his male friends? If the friendships are to be the same (equal levels of disclosure and intimacy), the same type of emotionally intimate endearing phrases need to be used with both genders. Why else would he feel otherwise with women and men?
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:31 PM
 
501 posts, read 1,044,914 times
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Yea no.. I don't think this is appropriate at all. I dated a girl once who called her "best friend" babe, this was a big hint to leave. I don't ever refer to my female friends by names like this, the most I might say is "boo" or "booger (don't ask, its a Texas thing). And IF I do that, its always in a joking manner, never serious. Those terms your husband uses are usually reserved for romantic interests.
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:33 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,332,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
Nope. And you should seriously be wondering why your husband is so concerned about his "friends" feeling so comfortable with him.
This.

I would not be comfortable with that at all. I only use such terms for my significant other and children.
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Old 02-23-2014, 07:34 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,075,722 times
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I don't understand why your husband is so concerned w/ these friends. I think he has some boundary issues....So, what terms of endearment does he reserve for you..his wife?
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