When your girlfriend comes home stressed or down. (girl, loving, advice)
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Ask her what she needs from you/what would make her feel better. Listening is always good, action is not always required. Actually, it's RARELY required.
I was once at a workplace that had gone from a very good place to work to completely dysfunctional in a very short span of time, due to a change in leadership and big shifts in culture. I knew that the answer was to get out, but while I was attempting to make that change, I still had to go to work and deal with a highly stressful environment. There was a HUGE amount of stress spillover into my life outside of work, but short of quit my job without another one to take its place, I just had to live with it while interviewing other places. What I needed to do to combat the stress and come down from it when I'd get home, or on the weekends, varied. What I needed from my then-boyfriend, now-husband, varied, as well. Sometimes I needed to go do something active to work out the stress, sometimes I wanted to talk about something that happened, sometimes, just focusing on things not-work, like cooking a nice meal, or watching a movie helped. Sometimes I needed alone time to do the work spillover that resulted from the changes that were being made, and was stressed about having to cancel plans with my boyfriend, and wished he would just ask if I was too busy to get dinner, versus just assume I had the time. Just depended on what was going on. Take your cues from her. Don't come from the approach that it's up to you to resolve the problem. Lots of people do this, but odds are, you can't fix whatever's causing the stress, anyway. It's a pretty cliche thing that men have a drive to be the problem solvers, while women just want someone to say, "I understand how you feel." But it's a cliche because it's often true. It's not your job to fix what's wrong.
But if you feel like she's not using healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the stress, or ones that are damaging to your relationship (chewing you out/being irritable with you, drinking excessively, engaging in self-destructive behavior, etc.), call her on that, because that's not cool. In a previous relationship, I was the one who got lashed out at when my SO was under work stress, school stress, family stress, anything that made him anxious (i.e. pretty much everything) and it was absolute BS and I didn't deserve it.
She doesn't tell me because I do get upset when she tells me stuff especially when it's stuff that can't be fixed ATM.
She's learned quickly that stuff dwells with me until it is talked about then everything is fine. I do t get over stuff quickly she does in fact I've never met someone who forgets or gets over stuff so quickly it's because of the father of the three kids. Horrible guy.
That's probably why she doesn't. But I have actually been doing a lot better and I do think listening is the best option unless told something else.
My girlfriend has a ton of stress in her life. Sometimes when she gets home she's in a down mood. I guess this question is directed at woman. What can your bf do to get you out of a bad mood? Sometimes no matter what I do even if I joke or act goofy she just isn't having it. I've asked her what's wrong? She goes nothing...then goes into how she has problems that nothing can be do e about. What do I do? Just listen?
Most of the time this happens she lays down and we cuddle but I can't sleep unless the problem is resolved but she gets upset when she's trying to get over it and ten I push for her to tell me.
Do I just listen and dont push for her?
I often find that just listening can help the best. And don't think that you can fix all her problems! You can't and she knows it. Often just listening helps the most. Don't even offer suggestions unless asked. I think in this fast paced rat race of life we live in, few people generally are very good listeners. I try to be, but I am sure I fall short at times. One of my biggest pet peeves in a relationship is someone who is a bad listener. It's not a deal breaker, but I find it very off putting when you can listen to someone forever, yet they tune you out when it's your turn to speak. That might be my biggest pet peeve when it comes to relationships. I've had some women who were good listeners. My ex of eight years was a good listener. That's not to say that she doesn't or didn't have other faults, don't we all. But that was a positive. Everyone needs to be heard sometimes. We all want to know that sometimes someone cares enough to listen to things that they might not really want to. My sister is a "great" listener. One of the few really good listeners that I know. It really is something many of us can work on. We all want to be heard, yet rarely listen ourselves.
I want to add, being a good listener is something people have to work on. I'm not so sure that it comes so naturally easy to anyone. It can definitely be difficult at times.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 02-26-2014 at 11:59 AM..
You should simply empathise with her, maybe bring her something strong to drink then make a joke out of her situation. She will laugh and hit you
. There is humor that can be found in bad situations especially when its just everyday work related stress
My girlfriend has a ton of stress in her life. Sometimes when she gets home she's in a down mood. I guess this question is directed at woman. What can your bf do to get you out of a bad mood? Sometimes no matter what I do even if I joke or act goofy she just isn't having it. I've asked her what's wrong? She goes nothing...then goes into how she has problems that nothing can be do e about. What do I do? Just listen?
Most of the time this happens she lays down and we cuddle but I can't sleep unless the problem is resolved but she gets upset when she's trying to get over it and ten I push for her to tell me.
Do I just listen and dont push for her?
You have to know her-when to listen, when to leave her alone, when to make a joke, etc. Included in that is knowing when to just shut up and discuss the latest financial/house/kid/car problem later.
Mrs. NBP and I both have fairly high stress jobs and I'm heavily involved in community things so sometimes just shutting up works best.
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