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I am posting this in here because I figure it will get many different view points from those who are into it and or have some curious interest.
I am a Master... IE
Dominant Male sexually and in general life.
I have a submissive female consequential who I live my life with for the last 6 years.
We have a house, and normal life.
I have been exploring this life and doing it for 15 years.
Of course exposing your sexual desires on a forum has its difficult process when it comes to the public.
I have experience and given training to other dom, women and men in the lifestyle and training submissive females to be submissive to me (Yes my sub knows)
I find these choices bring order and define roles best suited to our OWN desires. This removes the idea of being confused and letting society define a man or a woman. In most cases you do not just join with any dom or submissive its a process of rules, balance and limits and trust.
To understand what the person wants and needs sexually and emotionally.
Its not about me saying do the dishes or woman's work these terms aren't really that important.
To submit and or to have control is about responsibility to your inner needs that in all animals is displayed in nature.
The term BDSM can be many things and not all of them are whips and chains, Bondage, leather and pain, sex etc... That can be an apart of it but not what BDSM is about. To experience BDSM you do not need to have pain, pleasure and the denial of pleasure in a form of restriction is also a level of submission.
So the question is in your personal lives do you as a women need to dominate and or submit to your partner. Does it give you pleasure to do so, if you follow that course you often find the type of mate your really seeking.
Aside from the 50 shades of grey.. a part of you wants that.. ignoring the "millionaire" part.
Feel free to message me private for any other convo about this subject and or questions.
I am posting this in here because I figure it will get many different view points from those who are into it and or have some curious interest.
I am a Master... IE
Dominant Male sexually and in general life.
I have a submissive female consequential who I live my life with for the last 6 years.
We have a house, and normal life.
I have been exploring this life and doing it for 15 years.
Of course exposing your sexual desires on a forum has its difficult process when it comes to the public.
I have experience and given training to other dom, women and men in the lifestyle and training submissive females to be submissive to me (Yes my sub knows)
I find these choices bring order and define roles best suited to our OWN desires. This removes the idea of being confused and letting society define a man or a woman. In most cases you do not just join with any dom or submissive its a process of rules, balance and limits and trust.
To understand what the person wants and needs sexually and emotionally.
Its not about me saying do the dishes or woman's work these terms aren't really that important.
To submit and or to have control is about responsibility to your inner needs that in all animals is displayed in nature.
The term BDSM can be many things and not all of them are whips and chains, Bondage, leather and pain, sex etc... That can be an apart of it but not what BDSM is about. To experience BDSM you do not need to have pain, pleasure and the denial of pleasure in a form of restriction is also a level of submission.
So the question is in your personal lives do you as a women need to dominate and or submit to your partner. Does it give you pleasure to do so, if you follow that course you often find the type of mate your really seeking.
Aside from the 50 shades of grey.. a part of you wants that.. ignoring the "millionaire" part.
Feel free to message me private for any other convo about this subject and or questions.
I'd like to think that I am quite open-minded but the thing I never understood about BDSM ... Is it a sexual kink? Is it a lifestyle? Reading about it, it seems to be more of a lifestyle.
If it is "just" a kink, in the bedroom - OK. I get it. It can be incredibly sexy to give yourself over completely to a different person. They are in charge, you are vulnerable. And there is trust. And yeah, that can be erotic.
But the whole lifestyle thing? I don't get it. I can't see the appeal. You explain a lot about how you guys have a "normal" life. But how does this translate into day-to-day life? You make all the decisions, she just follows? Isn't that... weird? What is the appeal here? You say "I find these choices bring order and define roles best suited to our OWN desires." - what exactly are these desires and where do they come from? I don't want to sound judgemental - but having to be in complete control of another person or having to be completely controlled by another person - neither role sounds healthy to me.
"To submit and or to have control is about responsibility to your inner needs that in all animals is displayed in nature" - This is the closest you got in your post to explaining why you live the life you do. But what does this even mean? Responsibility to my inner needs? That in all animals is displayed in nature? Huh
I hope I don't come across as judgemental - I am trying not to be. I would just really like to understand where this need to control/submit stems from and how it translates into day-to-day life. I am genuinely curious!
I'd like to think that I am quite open-minded but the thing I never understood about BDSM ... Is it a sexual kink? Is it a lifestyle? Reading about it, it seems to be more of a lifestyle.
If it is "just" a kink, in the bedroom - OK. I get it. It can be incredibly sexy to give yourself over completely to a different person. They are in charge, you are vulnerable. And there is trust. And yeah, that can be erotic.
But the whole lifestyle thing? I don't get it. I can't see the appeal. You explain a lot about how you guys have a "normal" life. But how does this translate into day-to-day life? You make all the decisions, she just follows? Isn't that... weird? What is the appeal here? You say "I find these choices bring order and define roles best suited to our OWN desires." - what exactly are these desires and where do they come from? I don't want to sound judgemental - but having to be in complete control of another person or having to be completely controlled by another person - neither role sounds healthy to me.
"To submit and or to have control is about responsibility to your inner needs that in all animals is displayed in nature" - This is the closest you got in your post to explaining why you live the life you do. But what does this even mean? Responsibility to my inner needs? That in all animals is displayed in nature? Huh
I hope I don't come across as judgemental - I am trying not to be. I would just really like to understand where this need to control/submit stems from and how it translates into day-to-day life. I am genuinely curious!
Lets say you have a wife and a husband.
Husband is DOM
wife is sub
normal life, work, house, bills etc.
Dom directs everyday needs depending on things
wife inputs listens, attempts to carry out directions communicates.. continues this need for her to WANT TO sub to him not just any person because she is a submissive.. She wants to please her Dom and he gets pleasure in being in control and submissive who does as he asks.
In the bedroom its same.. just in some cases kinkier "usely"
Lifestyle is choice.. state of mind between submitting to another persons will and direction.
This is built on trust in the bedroom and out of the bedroom.
Now as far as pain, bondage pleasure, toys.. sex etc often this is something a submissive wants well before a Dom says do this or do that and kinky.
Example in nature.. Dom Dogs and Sub Dogs in most animals alpha vs beta etc.
Or since you watch supernatural.. :-) I would say Dean is the Dom.. Sam is the sub.. and while I dont mean that in a homsexual way.. in the story line dean often is in the driver seat.
:-)
Lets say you have a wife and a husband.
Husband is DOM
wife is sub
normal life, work, house, bills etc.
Dom directs everyday needs depending on things wife inputs listens, attempts to carry out directions communicates.. continues this need for her to WANT TO sub to him not just any person because she is a submissive.. She wants to please her Dom and he gets pleasure in being in control and submissive who does as he asks.
In the bedroom its same.. just in some cases kinkier "usely"
Lifestyle is choice.. state of mind between submitting to another persons will and direction.
This is built on trust in the bedroom and out of the bedroom.
Now as far as pain, bondage pleasure, toys.. sex etc often this is something a submissive wants well before a Dom says do this or do that and kinky.
Example in nature.. Dom Dogs and Sub Dogs in most animals alpha vs beta etc.
Or since you watch supernatural.. :-) I would say Dean is the Dom.. Sam is the sub.. and while I dont mean that in a homsexual way.. in the story line dean often is in the driver seat.
:-)
Oh, see, ack...no. Just no. (This is just me...) I can't see making my husband do this, I'd lose all respect for him, and GOD KNOWS I'd never be the one to do this myself.
I've done stuff a little like this but am not "in the lifestyle" per se...
...can't believe I'm admitting this.
When we do, I like to be the dominant one, usually.
Being the dom one.. often is to have control.. and its because it was what know is "safe" and or the power of being in control is about getting what we want. But even in that moment of control you want to push that limit.. how far.. Am I in control. To give up that control most times doesn't always give the results we want or expect. Unless you know the person who you give control to does it right and you trust them to know what that means.
Oh, see, ack...no. Just no. (This is just me...) I can't see making my husband do this, I'd lose all respect for him, and GOD KNOWS I'd never be the one to do this myself.
In bed, for role-playing, it can be fun, yes.
Again...this is just me.
That is the thing.. you can't make someone do anything that is the difference between lifestyle and just bedroom fun. :-) There is the line between respect.. Some men are submissive and feel they need to "please" their woman... some are confused what that means. Some men know woman actually want to please their man.
Being the dom one.. often is to have control.. and its because it was what know is "safe" and or the power of being in control is about getting what we want. But even in that moment of control you want to push that limit.. how far.. Am I in control. To give up that control most times doesn't always give the results we want or expect. Unless you know the person who you give control to does it right and you trust them to know what that means.
I don't push him at all farther than I know he definitely wants, actually. I've never had that urge at all.
Yes, it's a cool feeling of control...he's bigger than I am, but I have him where I want him.
Then I let him go because after a little spice he wants to be in control of himself.
It's pretty simple stuff for us, really, no big psychological deali-o, no urge to take it outside the bedroom, nothing like that at all, I don't even know the lingo. It's one of many different things we do sexually, is all.
Quote:
That is the thing.. you can't make someone do anything that is the difference between lifestyle and just bedroom fun. :-) There is the line between respect.. Some men are submissive and feel they need to "please" their woman... some are confused what that means. Some men know woman actually want to please their man.
Right, nice. Do what you will but don't go getting the claws out in order to defend your position. You like the lifestyle, great. I "actually want to please my man" and I do, and I don't have to "be a sub" to do that. So if you want to open up about what your relationship is like, fine, but no need to get catty just because the whole world doesn't want to "please his or her man/woman" by "letting him/her make the decisions," etc.
My DH and I prefer things equal outside the bedroom, and spicy inside it when we want it spicy, or not...depending upon our mood.
I am not a sub, but I can be a bottom, and I have been a switch. My husband is more vanilla, but is open to certain aspects of kink, but he could never be a Dom.
A few of my past partners were more dominant, but not Doms in the "classic" sense. They were involved in the bdsm community.
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It's one of many different things we do sexually, is all.