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Old 12-04-2007, 07:27 AM
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,041,575 times
Reputation: 962


Originally Posted by FreezinIL View Post
I dont think the OP is critisizing her. HE said she is upset with her weight and that was not his concern. He wanted her to be happy and she is not so it the weight bothers her and he is trying to find a nice loving way to help her I applaud him for that.

Lets all not get what he is saying twisted
I don't think it's the weight that bothers her. I think it's her knowing the weight that bothers him that is bothering her.

Been there.
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Old 12-04-2007, 07:41 AM
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,402 posts, read 11,768,523 times
Reputation: 5703
Originally Posted by MainStreet View Post
I don't think it's the weight that bothers her. I think it's her knowing the weight that bothers him that is bothering her.

Been there.
Aye.. *nodding* my first post to this subject was along the lines of.. if it wasn't a massive weight problem (healthwise) then it was more than likely, her self esteem in general that was under attack, and needed help.

Asking her to lose 15 pounds isn't going to make her feel any better, from my point of view. It's just going to show that antagonistic side, while (lovingly ) trying to help her, you'll be antagonizing her and drawing her further into herself.

Honestly i think the fact that I was with putting UP with someone that made this big a deal out of some extra padding would keep me depressed, not the fact that I had extra padding to begin with. I'm sorry, my first post said this falls into one of 2 categories for me, she's eithera 600 pound couch potato and needs serious help, or she's got some extra junk in the truck, and you're pitching a fit because she isn't into 5 days a week on the eliptical like the gym rat that you are... and this is starting to reek of the latter of the two.

Does she have any female friends? Encourage her to get out, go have fun. Pick up a new hobby. It doesn't have to be exersize related!! It could be painting, it could be horse back riding, she needs to work on finding what will make her happy... not you. Maybe she would feel better if she had some time away from you if you are pushing this on her. (and this is speculative, merely)
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Old 12-04-2007, 10:14 AM
158 posts, read 786,555 times
Reputation: 60
Yes, I agree if it is bothering him that is ridicoulous. I am just not sure that is what he is saying but I guess he will be back and speak/type for himself soon.
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Old 12-15-2007, 12:06 AM
36 posts, read 87,813 times
Reputation: 44
So many facets to this question, and when it comes to hubby + wife + weight + esteem, well it can be very volatile.

Needless to say, she needs to have a complete physical to rule out any problems such as thyroid, depression, diabetes, etc.

Please make sure you are asking in a loving way, not critical. Also remember it takes awhile to get into exercise mode, after about 3 weeks though you start to get the exercise high and crave it. Could you get a committment in smaller steps? Honey let's try __________ (fill in with activity she likes) for 3 weeks, if you hate it I won't ask again.

If she doesn't like outdoor activities(hard to fathom isn't it?), maybe she might like a recumbent exercise bike indoors that she can ride and watch tv or read a book. Maybe she would like the Richard Simmons workout videos, I know people think he is corny, but his videos are fun, can be done in private, and it's really cool to see the people get in shape and thin down in each progressive video.

Try reading Covert Bailey's Fit or Fat books, he has one for women that might help you understand your wife better. Ask her what she would like to do.....try and come up with a list of many things to choose from that could be done indoors, outdoors, publicly, privately, etc.

Do you have a community college or noncredit classes where you could take a class on nutrition, wellness, exercise? That is a sitting indoor activity that might help her get motivated to get up and move. Any moving is better than none.

Guarantee there is a bunch of us wishing we could tap a bit of you for ourselves. My hubby is the couch potato, and I am the fitness freak. I gave up and just do my workouts and let him sit <sigh> How I would love for him to go dancing, play volleyball, tennis, rollerblade, ice skate, hike, walk, etc with me.

Bottom line though, if she is not ready to make a change, it won't happen. What will happen though if your are persistent about asking, is your marriage will get worse.

Try to be encouraging, and know when to to let it rest. Good luck.
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Old 12-15-2007, 08:16 AM
36 posts, read 87,813 times
Reputation: 44
Just reread the posts. You mentioned she is already being treated for depression, it sounds as though it is not working. Get her back to the doc, there are new meds everyday and there might be one that would work better for her.

There are so many factors that could be playing into this and without being there it is hard to make a call. It could be a mix of many things. Physical, marriage, work, children, spiritual, nutrition, extended family, friends, environment.

Hmmm, environment, duh, should have suggested that sooner. Previously I lived in a house that was toxic to me because of allergies. Does she have allergies?

I was on shots 2-3 times weekly, I don't know how many meds. All I could do was lay around totally sapped of energy. Once I got out of the house I felt better and it took years to make the connection. We'll we moved and now I off the shots, off all meds, and have enough energy to power a small city.

It's a thought, allergy testing, and environment (mold, radon, cricket carcasses--honestly!, paint, carpet, furnance, etc). Maybe you need to move(much easier said than done I know).

What general geographic area are you?
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Old 12-15-2007, 08:19 AM
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,493 posts, read 2,863,798 times
Reputation: 692
Originally Posted by Okee dokee View Post
It's a fact of life that after 40, no matter how good your genes are, you need to exercise to keep feeling and looking good. My spouse has tried to do it with diet alone and its not working. She feels blah all the time, sleeps a ridiculous amount and doesn't feel good about her appearance yet she gets almost hysterical when I try to get her to exercise with me. I believe doing physical activity together would also bring us closer together with a shared interest. She says that it's just not the type of person that she is. Any ideas for talking about it in a way that won't offend her? I've tried ticking off the benefits but all she thinks is I'm trying to alter her appearance (when her appearance is just one of many reasons why I would like her to exercise with me).
Leave her alone. You can only exercise your own body.
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