Boyfriend making me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (dating, relations)
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It's exhausting just reading your OP. I can't imagine living with that day in and day out. He needs professional help. The next time he pulls this stuff, tell him how disappointed you are that he can't appreciate how devoted you are to him. Tell him he makes you feel like you're a stranger to him, because he can't appreciate how much you care for him, and how faithful you are to him. I'd love to hear how that goes down with him.
Very good advice.
I would say, 'You know the answers to these questions and I am not going to repeat them. Instead, I an going to ask you questions. When are you going to start seeing a therapist? How many have you called to set up initial interviews with? How will you know which is the right one for you?'
Therapy is the only solution to this issue. Get him to move forward with it.
Here's the short version of my story. I'm 30 in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over two years. Normally all is cool with us, but he has this think where he is very insecure and sensitive. He is constantly asking me questions about my past relationships. Details about sexual things etc. Want's to know if he is hotter, better etc etc than these other guys. Want's to know detailed sexual things and how many times Ive done them with these guys versus him.
He talks about these guys every day!!! i have to re -assure him daily that he is better, hotter, better in bed etc than these guys every day..!
Example.. he asked me if I've slept with any exes several day in a row.. I said yes.. he is upset because he thinks that means they meant more to me than him???
This is very odd to me. I understand being insecure, but all these questions etc on a daily basis?
Also in general he is sensitive. If I'm not feeling well and don't feel like coming over one night he gets very hurt and upset. I didn't feel like making out with him once so I pushed him away gently and starting hugging him and now he says I"m not attracted to him anymore which is not true at all.. (there were distractions in my house I was trying to deal with at the moment of this kiss)
Other than this stuff our relationship is great.
advise?
Several choices here:
You tell him the topic is not open for further discussion
You tolerate his insecurity and whatever else he has and discuss this topic all the time without complaint
You walk away.
You tell him the topic is not open for further discussion
You tolerate his insecurity and whatever else he has and discuss this topic all the time without complaint
You walk away.
Yes, especially option #1 (followed by #3, if he persists.) You tell him the topic has been discussed more than adequately, and you'll no longer tolerate it.
There's 1 more option: You tell him you can't deal with his insecurities any more, and that if he can't get over it, you'll have to break up with him.
I do tell him how cute he is and good looking. He says I need to just help his bruised ego. No self esteem since his x cheated on him. He says I need to tell h this stuff more often. ??? How much is enough . Every day? And to what extent do I need to help him with these issues. He says a couple should help each other with issues. But there are some things is can't fixx
I do tell him how cute he is and good looking. He says I need to just help his bruised ego. No self esteem since his x cheated on him. He says I need to tell h this stuff more often. ??? How much is enough . Every day? And to what extent do I need to help him with these issues. He says a couple should help each other with issues. But there are some things is can't fixx
It's not your job to clean up after his ex. He needs to own his own issues. If he can't get over it, he should get help from someone trained to help. Tell him you're not a baggage handler, lol! Baggage can trash a good relationship.
Why not recommend he see a therapist and maybe offer to go with him. Also if you do not tell him something is wrong with him and make it seem like he not normal. I would just bring it up like you are concerned about his well being. Then he might be open to getting some help.
This won't get better. There was no precursor. Being in a new relationship with a loving woman is not sufficient compensation? There is emotional blackmail, because couple's do this for one another. Therapy will help you disentangle. Really, this isn't a slump, this is a lifestyle he's found and is pumping it for what it's worth. This isn't a slight irritation. This is a dagger.
This isn't emotional competence you want to continue and bridge into your future. Multiply this by 7 (nightly) or 30 (monthly) and that's how your future looks. There is no going home when you are married or moving into the future if he is so stuck in your past.
I do tell him how cute he is and good looking. He says I need to just help his bruised ego. No self esteem since his x cheated on him. He says I need to tell h this stuff more often. ??? How much is enough . Every day? And to what extent do I need to help him with these issues. He says a couple should help each other with issues. But there are some things is can't fixx
Oh please, you don't NEED to do anything but be who you are.
Tell him to look in the stinking mirror and tell himself how wonderful he is.
Also tell him you are NOT HIS EX and to QUIT comparing you to her IMMEDIATELY.
Just that in itself would have made me walk out already.
Are you his girlfriend or his licensed therapists?
Walk already, cut off all contact and save yourself from any more waste of time, energy and self worth for crying out loud. His train has already wrecked and he sounds like a wing nut without threads.......blech
- I was the same way as your boyfriend, when I was 20 years old after trying to work through a relationship that started on very rocky terms. With age and experience came maturity but I'm talking years of being single (working on myself). I now don't give an F about my partners past. It's none of my business and doesn't matter today. Sadly if he still hasn't gotten it at his age....he probably never will.
A significant other should bring you happiness, not stress you out. If he is still talking about this after two years, time to say goodbye. Imagine 20 years of this. Relationships have ups and downs, however if you are like this after a short time ready to leave.
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