Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been married for 10 years. Husband and I are both New Yorkers, in our 40's, white collar, no kids, but busy in our careers. Problem is our marriage has fallen into a rut. (i.e. No sex!) I had an affair, WHICH I'VE ENDED, and want to get the fire back in our life.
So I am asking the C-D community - Did your marriage ever fall into a rut? And if so, what did you do to get the heat back?
Having an affair is a bit beyond "falling in a rut".
This is something that should have been figured out before the affair.
Depending on your husband you may or may not remain married if/when he finds out about the affair.
Next time a rut starts, have an "affair" with your husband instead of someone you are not married to.
There are many things that can be done to spice up a marriage from meeting for drinks then getting a hotel room to having a candlelight supper at home.
I think you and your husband need to fall in love again with each other -- go back to the good old days and start dating again. Hopefully your husband is agreeable to this.
LOL at "spice up." It's not going to be easy, you know. You're being REALLY flippant about it. I've been married more than twice as long as you, and I can tell you that it's gonna take more than flowers and vacations. You need hard emotional work and concessions from both sides to get past what you've done.
You can't just read a few "tips" from a Cosmo-type list. Read the book together, and do the stuff it recommends.
You shouldn't have mentioned your affair in this thread. People won't give serious thought to your question now and will focus on that.
What you need to do is watch the movie "Don Juan Demarco". Do it today!
Nah, the thread with the affair was only a couple of days ago where she was trying to justify how to keep the affair and still be married. I think it is a little crazy she came to the conclusion that she was in love with her husband when none of what she was doing seemed to be done out of love or mutual respect for him. Rather, it seemed more about having a comfortable life together where they have a good income.
With or without the affair, I recommend the book, but I am just wondering if she will tell her husband about the affair to let him assess if it is something that he wants to work through or not. A lot of people have different opinions on if you should tell or not, but I side with telling him, because otherwise you're stealing his right to make a decision based on the facts and I don't think that comes from a loving place, but a self-serving place. Others say don't tell, because it is painful.
... otherwise you're stealing his right to make a decision based on the facts and I don't think that comes from a loving place, but a self-serving place.
This is exactly right. He will unknowingly assume he's working on one thing, when really it is something else entirely. If he DOES find out, he will feel like a complete and total idiot, which makes it hard to "spice things up" with confidence in the bedroom.
Her affair will surface in her memory when she tries to have sex with her husband the first time they decide to work on reconnecting. The inevitable comparisons between hubby and her "soul mate" will hamper her desire. That is quite an obstacle to get over.
I sense a mindset of deep denial. In the space of 24 hours she went from unapologetically declaring eternal lust for this soul mate in Chicago to, "My husband and I love each other deeply, and the affair is over."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
