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Old 03-04-2014, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,770 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman View Post
And I am the one that is immature?

Do you really think I care?


How is that controlling?

I DID NOT TELL HER TO STOP TALKING TO HER EX I SIMPLY BROKE IT OFF WITH HER. I DID NOT EVEN DELIVER AND ULTIMATUM(they don't work anyway).

Some of you guys on CD I have noticed have trouble reading and keep parroting off the same thing even though sufficient detail has been provided to counter your ASSUMPTION.

Sure let me sit here and accept a situation that I don't want to be in because somehow that gets misperceived on CD as controlling and immature. It would have been immature of me to stay in a relationship I don't want to be in or to have bothered to given her a choice. She made her bed and she hung herself.
I notice you skipped over my earlier post.

Was there another reason you didn't want to be with her, because in isolation, it seems pretty drastic to break it off with someone simply because they talk to an ex.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:15 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,040,890 times
Reputation: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Stop talking so morbid. Fine you don't want complications I get that, and there can be. But many can make it work.
The way I see it though is I have only had to deal with this once in my whole life. Otherwise, all the women I have dated have not kept their ex's as friends. And not to mention the fact that why would I ignore a red flag in my book when I can find a woman that doesn't have this red flag.

They are millions of women out there! No actually billions!
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:18 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,173,486 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
If there is a reason to talk to an ex, like a kid or critter that is fine. However, I see no need to chat up or be friends with an ex. If I do encounter an ex I would be civil and polite. Not going to carry on a conversation or want to catch up on old times.

IMO it is about boundaries and moving forward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
Being able to stay friends with exes is actually a good sign.

It means that whatever caused your break up, at least you didn't do something so horrible that your ex hates you now. If I met a woman who hated all her exes and wasn't still friends with any of them, I'd have to wonder what her problem was.

Honestly, OP, you just sounds very insecure, jealous and controlling.
I see wisdom in both of these.

My ex-hub and I were friends for about two years after he moved out. We were friends before we married, and respected each other and genuinely liked each other enough to be on good terms when we parted. In fact, I helped him with the personal ad through which he met his now-wife. When we both started dating other people seriously, we would pet-sit for each other, being that the pets knew us already. We'd occasionally go to a ball game or movie. But eventually that faded out as we both got more involved with other people. He is basically a good man, and I wish him well and hope he is happy.

My most recent ex is a bit different. I've tried to remain on good terms with him, but in all honesty, I've been feeling more and more that it's just not worth the effort. Same goes for all the exes I had in the past. There were a few jerks, and I was angry at them at the time, but I'm long past it, and most of the break-ups were situations where I just plain wanted nothing to do with the guy past a certain point so there is no reason to keep in touch.

However, if I did want to keep in touch with them, I would not tolerate for one second anyone telling me I could not. I know where demands like that come from, because I was once the kind of person who made demands like that, way back in my early to mid-20s. It certainly does come from jealousy and a need to control people, plus a lack of perspective. I mean, exes are exes for a reason. If things were meant to work out, your SO would still be with them. Fortunately, I grew out of that kind of insecurity, as do most people, and chances are the OP will at some point, too. It really is one of those things, like the number of past sexual partners, that ceases to matter as you get older and wiser.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:18 AM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,044,925 times
Reputation: 2678
I just realized that I don't have an ex! How strange is that! I married in my early 20's and now am a widow! I hope to not collect a bunch of ex's in my future.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:19 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,040,890 times
Reputation: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
I notice you skipped over my earlier post.

Was there another reason you didn't want to be with her, because in isolation, it seems pretty drastic to break it off with someone simply because they talk to an ex.
Whoops, I didn't even see your post.

I don't ever have a feeling of scarcity like I won't be able to find another girl. So for me it's a deal breaker from the start so I wouldn't say it really is that drastic. By the way this whole thing happened in the past not recently or anything. It just something I was thinking about today because it blew my mind considering no other woman put me in that position.

I just feel like it isn't courteous to me as her SO for her to be putting me in a situation where I have to deal with her ex's. Who by the way were NOT recent breakups and I had to deal with not 1 but 2!
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,495,521 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman View Post
Well this doesn't really apply to you because obviously you have a child together. And also you aren't in a relationship at the same time so as a single person you can do as you please.

It has nothing to do with maturity.
Actually, it has everything to do with maturity.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:30 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548
None of my relationships have ended on bad terms. The sparks have just fizzled out for a variety of reasons. Nobody was left pinning for another chance at one another, those avenues where already extinguished before long before the inevitable end.

All splits where mutual. There is no reason for any of us to want "to hook back up" we stay in contact as much as time and life allows, we are all still very good friend who care for the good will of one another and want to see each other do well in life.

That's all there is to it.

I understand you are trying to make a point, but you can't paint every topic with a broad stroke. For you this is an unacceptable condition when choosing a partner. Trusting that someone knows themselves enough to make the right choices is a hard thing, Especially when you are younger and relationships are less about the connection you share with people and more about "what people do for me"

Last edited by rego00123; 03-04-2014 at 10:46 AM..
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:31 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,040,890 times
Reputation: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Actually, it has everything to do with maturity.
Explain yourself and before you do make sure you read all the replies in this thread.

It is amazing to me how naive some people are and how maturity is used as a buzz word to discredit someones point.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
Reputation: 22275
I'm still close to my high school/ college sweetheart. We've been friends since I was 12, dated from 17-22, and have remained friends ever since. None of our SO's have ever had an issue with this - including our spouses. I sang at his wedding, he sang at my wedding, and his father married us. There is zero sexual attraction left between us. We are more like family - and even our families are close with each other. I'm actually good friends with his wife, too, and he gets along well with my husband. We try to get our families together but it's gotten harder since we both have children now!

It's been 15 years since we broke up and there has never been the slightest temptation for us to be anything other than good friends. However, I'm devastated that this means that I will not be considered girlfriend material for the OP.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,495,521 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I'm still close to my high school/ college sweetheart. We've been friends since I was 12, dated from 17-22, and have remained friends ever since. None of our SO's have ever had an issue with this - including our spouses. I sang at his wedding, he sang at my wedding, and his father married us. There is zero sexual attraction left between us. We are more like family - and even our families are close with each other. I'm actually good friends with his wife, too, and he gets along well with my husband. We try to get our families together but it's gotten harder since we both have children now!

It's been 15 years since we broke up and there has never been the slightest temptation for us to be anything other than good friends. However, I'm devastated that this means that I will not be considered girlfriend material for the OP.
LOL

His loss, not yours!
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