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Okay, and now for my serious answer. I know with me sometimes people grow on me over time. The last guy I dated I just wasn't interested in at all. He was older than me, didn't "seem" very interesting at first because he was quiet, and just didn't spark my romantic interest. Over time, as I got to know him better, we got closer and closer and I became more and more attracted to him. Then I fell for him.
In fact, I have never once fallen for a man right away. I've always had to get to know him over time (part of the reason I hate online dating... I am just not "in to" anyone and it feels unnatural to suddenly go on a date with a stranger). But I have to struggle though it and give it time or I will never meet anyone.
It's really not that uncommon with women. Men report more instances of "love at first site" and women tend to fall in love slower than men. That's why I've told people on this forum in the past to get to know a woman first... it works better than "cold approach" (at least in my opinion).
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The results, published in the Journal of Social Psychology, showed men were more likely to fall in love within a few weeks, while most women said it took several months.
I just think, he shouldn't have made gifts to her before they were together. And if Mary would have been a nice person, she wouldn't have let him buy her stuff - she abused him by taking gifts but not dating him.
She would have chosen him even if he wouldn't have spent all that money on her. But it all worked out well, so I guess she was worth the money.
Bob escaped the friendzone by being the person he is and by being reliable and there for her when she needed him. And he must have been somewhat attractive in the first place. Maybe too much of a doormat and therefore became friendzoned.
Were those other guys rich? Did they give her gifts? Was Bob better endowed than those guys? Did Bob change his mannerisms, i.e. did he go from "nice Bob" to "bad boy Bob" ?
Well, there was a whole lot of money involved, seeing as he spent most of his spending money on her.
Possibly that after she slept with a bunch of guys that did nothing but use her, she decided to give the gu who literally gave all of his free time and money to her a chance, and she realized eventually that he could provide a stable life and his undying love.
Sounds like a few marriages to me, except they all ended in divorce.
Both Bob and Mary came from middle class families. In total, I'd say Bob spent about a couple hundred dollars directly on Mary while trying to court her. But most of the time they did things together: go pick out a bracelet, go together to the store for her to try on dresses. I think it might have been that shared time together that won Mary more than than the money. Also, Bob was confident. Confidence is attractive.
This is something I've wondered about from my college days (decades ago). Sophomore year, I rented an apartment along with two other students I had met in the dorms the year before.
One of the guys, Bob (nineteen years old), was in a ten month friendzone with a girl (Mary, 18 years old). He was totally obsessed with her. Bob was a good guy. Sense of humor. Social.
Bob met Mary at a nearby grocery store where she worked part-time (she was not a student). Mary was very pretty and somewhat of a party girl. Mary lived at home with her parents about ten miles away, but she had no car. So Bob volunteered to drive her back and forth to work every time he could to win her over. Then sometimes after work, she would hang out our apartment with all of us. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in Bob in anything more than friends (friendzoned). However, Bob didn't give up.
He spent money on jewelry and clothes to try to buy her love. This went on for months. He spent most of his spare money on her. She was casually dating other college guys, but Bob was determined to be her boyfriend. He kept the attitude that she was going to be with him. I kept quiet, but inside I was doubtful.
Then, after ten months of being stuck in the friendzone, Bob excitedly told me that Mary had chosen him. They officially became boyfriend-girlfriend. After one month of dating, Bob and Mary got an apartment and moved in together. Mary was so passionate about him. She acted in awe about Bob thereafter. They were married within six months. They were still married years later and had children. I lost touch with them long ago. But I always wonder how Bob escaped the friendzone?
Sometimes, for some girls, all they do want is the bling bling. And, if the guy's persistent enough and has the dough, sure why not?
Whatever works each person.
And, Bob probably escaped the friendzone because he was persistent, reliable, and always there. I admit, someone being persistent and always there for me? Makes me feel special inside. Why wouldn't I want to commit to someone who's demonstrated loyalty and commitment towards me without me even having to ask? I feel flattered, secured, cared for..
Sometimes, for some girls, all they do want is the bling bling. And, if the guy's persistent enough and has the dough, sure why not?
Whatever works each person.
And, Bob probably escaped the friendzone because he was persistent, reliable, and always there. I admit, someone being persistent and always there for me? Makes me feel special inside. Why wouldn't I want to commit to someone who's demonstrated loyalty and commitment towards me without me even having to ask? I feel flattered, secured, cared for..
Ok, but why must he be relegated to the FZ for you to recognize these qualities?
Sometimes, people want to play it safe.. Staying friends allows me to see over time what this person's about!
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Originally Posted by jillabean
Well, that and traits like persistence, reliability and loyalty can only be figured out over the course of time.
Why can't Mary date Bob while figuring out these things as she presumably did with other guys?
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