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Why can't Mary date Bob while figuring out these things as she presumably did with other guys?
I am not Mary, so I don't know. But the first thing that comes to mind is maybe she wasn't attracted to him at first? Like I said, before I started dating a friend of mine, I had no attraction to him at all. I liked him, but not in that way. It was knowing him over time that his personality "grew" on me and the more I learned about him, the more I admired and liked him my "like" slowly became full blown attraction and I fell for him. I could see how good a man he really was--I learned things about him I never knew and my admiration grew even more. And when my admiration grew, my physical attraction to him did as well.
This has happened to me more than once in my life (and is how I "met" most of my past boyfriends). I think it's just one of those things that happens to some and not others... like "love at first site" only the opposite.
I guess if Mary dated a bunch of non-comittal men like me she may have tired of it and gave the second string guy a chance...Happens a lot on TV, and a few times in real life!
I guess if Mary dated a bunch of non-comittal men like me she may have tired of it and gave the second string guy a chance...Happens a lot on TV, and a few times in real life!
True enough... or maybe she was just dating around for fun and didn't care about the ones she was dating and didn't want to hurt/lose a guy she actually liked. I'll tell you, right now I am starting to date again just for fun. I don't care if it works out or not. But I thought long and hard about opening up to a friend that I was into him... was afraid I would lose him if it didn't work out (and it didn't, but luckily, it looks like he still wants to remain friends).
Well, that and traits like persistence, reliability and loyalty can only be figured out over the course of time.
Yes this sounds logical. Reading over the replies, I'm starting to see that Mary probably felt that Bob would be there for her. After all, he had showed that he would stay around for her in the long run (ten months to an eighteen year old is a long time).
However, as I mentioned in the OP, she didn't just resign herself to going out with Bob: Mary became passionate about Bob almost instantaneously, after ten months of him hanging around. She looked at him in a whole new way and behaved completely different (pet names, kissing) that showed she was totally into him. So it was something that authentically sparked inside of her.
After Bob moved in with Mary, his life revolved around her and college. We drifted apart and only saw each other around campus after that. My last semester of college I saw him and they had a child and were expecting another. That was the last time I saw him. How he beat the friendzone was something I had been wondering about for a long time. Thank you for sharing!
True enough... or maybe she was just dating around for fun and didn't care about the ones she was dating and didn't want to hurt/lose a guy she actually liked. I'll tell you, right now I am starting to date again just for fun. I don't care if it works out or not. But I thought long and hard about opening up to a friend that I was into him... was afraid I would lose him if it didn't work out (and it didn't, but luckily, it looks like he still wants to remain friends).
This is something I've wondered about from my college days (decades ago). Sophomore year, I rented an apartment along with two other students I had met in the dorms the year before.
One of the guys, Bob (nineteen years old), was in a ten month friendzone with a girl (Mary, 18 years old). He was totally obsessed with her. Bob was a good guy. Sense of humor. Social.
Bob met Mary at a nearby grocery store where she worked part-time (she was not a student). Mary was very pretty and somewhat of a party girl. Mary lived at home with her parents about ten miles away, but she had no car. So Bob volunteered to drive her back and forth to work every time he could to win her over. Then sometimes after work, she would hang out our apartment with all of us. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in Bob in anything more than friends (friendzoned). However, Bob didn't give up.
He spent money on jewelry and clothes to try to buy her love. This went on for months. He spent most of his spare money on her. She was casually dating other college guys, but Bob was determined to be her boyfriend. He kept the attitude that she was going to be with him. I kept quiet, but inside I was doubtful.
Then, after ten months of being stuck in the friendzone, Bob excitedly told me that Mary had chosen him. They officially became boyfriend-girlfriend. After one month of dating, Bob and Mary got an apartment and moved in together. Mary was so passionate about him. She acted in awe about Bob thereafter. They were married within six months. They were still married years later and had children. I lost touch with them long ago. But I always wonder how Bob escaped the friendzone?
She didn't "friendzone" him. She wasn't interested, and wanted to be friends. That's not a zone, it's called friendship. The fact that he wanted more from her and hung around for months on end, pining for her and trying to buying her affection, was HIM putting HIMSELF into the friendzone.
She didn't "friendzone" him. She wasn't interested, and wanted to be friends. That's not a zone, it's called friendship. The fact that he wanted more from her and hung around for months on end, pining for her and trying to buying her affection, was HIM putting HIMSELF into the friendzone.
The perception of a zone - I call it a box - is that it is viewed as a sort of confined mental space from which one cannot escape; it was the successful escape in this case that inspired this thread.
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