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Okay, I mentioned I am doing online dating again and am getting asked on dates. One man I met online has asked me out once already and I had to turn him down. He literally asked me on a Saturday night to go on a hike with him on Sunday morning. This would be a first date and there is no way I am taking off on a trail in the secluded woods with a man I've never even met before (other than online)!
I didn't to say it like that, 99% of men out there are good guys... but you have to be cautious for the 1% of crazies out there. So I told a white lie and said I couldn't make it on such short notice, but then proposed more appropriate/public "meet and greet" dates (like meeting for coffee or a walk in the historical district of town). I also told him when I am free: any night the next two weeks with the only exception being this weekend because I am babysitting this weekend from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon.
He just asked me out again, this time for Friday night for dinner and a show-- the very time I told him I am not available . So I am going to have to tell him no again and re-emphasize when I am free. This will be the second date with him I turn down.
Off topic, why does he want to go out on such a big date for what is essentially a meet and greet anyway? This is the second time an online date wanted to go whole hog on the first meet up.
If he thinks I am blowing him off and never asks me out again, it's not a big loss. I really don't know the guy anyway. But I would like to give it a shot because you never know. Any advice to let him down gently again (and not making him feel foolish) while letting him know I already told him I can't make it this weekend? I think it's important to remind him this isn't new... I told him I can't make it this weekend for a date. But at the same time, reminding him of that comes across as being a bit belittling or something... kind of an "I already told you..." (which isn't a good way to start things off).
Whether or not you actually meet him, I would suggest politely stating why you're turning him down instead of misleading with a "white lie". I totally understand why you'd do that, but he might not understand the social issues at play here. The same goes for the big date vs. small date thing. For me, I'd rather meet for lunch or even dinner at a restaurant first...much easier for me to plan, relaxes both of us, and facilitates actual conversation instead of focusing on some event that prevents us from getting to know each other.
Just my opinion, but he may be a bit dense when it comes to this. How long have you two been talking online (or on the phone, etc.)?
I would tell him you're busy that weekend, but this time suggest a place to meet at a time when you're free. Like, "I'm unavailable Friday, because I'm baby-sitting for some friends. How about we go out for (coffee, dinner, ice cream, etc) Wenesday at 7?"
Just my opinion, but he may be a bit dense when it comes to this. How long have you two been talking online (or on the phone, etc.)?
--Dim
A week. That's it. I guess that's why dinner and a show seems over the top to me. Maybe I can suggest meeting for a lunch? That would be just as relaxing, but not as expensive or over the top.
By the way, you are right about lying... even a little white lie. I should have just told him that was an inappropriate first date proposal (just in case he asks other women... and they turn him down flat). I just didn't want to insult him by insinuating I thought he might be the type to rape, murder, and bury me in the woods!
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme
I would tell him you're busy that weekend, but this time suggest a place to meet at a time when you're free. Like, "I'm unavailable Friday, because I'm baby-sitting for some friends. How about we go out for (coffee, dinner, ice cream, etc) Wenesday at 7?"
Yeah, that's what I did before and he ignored it. Guess I can just try again--couldn't hurt. Thanks!
The guy must be pretty clueless. First he asks you to go for a hike and now to a dinner and movie. Just be upfront and tell him the very first time you meet in person it is not a "date" . You are meeting and you are not comfortable with anything more. If he has one negative thing to say, time to cut and run !
Just being honest works best. When I was doing OLD guys understood about meeting in a public space, they usually thought about it first (one guy said he would be happy to pick me up, but understood if I didn't feel that was appropriate, etc.), or if brought up, they understood. If you told the guy about not going off into a forest with a stranger, he probably would have laughed and agreed that it wasn't a good idea.
At this point just say "That's the weekend I'm babysitting. How about coffee at where ever, at what ever date/time?"
I think if you choose the date, you are showing you are genuinely interested.
When guys suggest a big date, just explain " what if we hate each other?! Let's do coffee first!"
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Just being honest works best. When I was doing OLD guys understood about meeting in a public space, they usually thought about it first (one guy said he would be happy to pick me up, but understood if I didn't feel that was appropriate, etc.), or if brought up, they understood. If you told the guy about not going off into a forest with a stranger, he probably would have laughed and agreed that it wasn't a good idea.
At this point just say "That's the weekend I'm babysitting. How about coffee at where ever, at what ever date/time?"
I think if you choose the date, you are showing you are genuinely interested.
When guys suggest a big date, just explain " what if we hate each other?! Let's do coffee first!"
I agree. I was gonna suggest that the OP just say straight out that she'd like something simple for a first "meet and greet" as she put it.
I don't see why he'd complain, heck, if anything he's not on the hook for a big hoopla and high expectations or trying to impress her with money or whatever.
By the way, you are right about lying... even a little white lie. I should have just told him that was an inappropriate first date proposal (just in case he asks other women... and they turn him down flat). I just didn't want to insult him by insinuating I thought he might be the type to rape, murder, and bury me in the woods!
Gosh, I don't think that would be very nice. It's like totally putting him down for asking you out. Just turn it into a joke that your not comfortable with that scenario.
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The guy must be pretty clueless. First he asks you to go for a hike and now to a dinner and movie. Just be upfront and tell him the very first time you meet in person it is not a "date" . You are meeting and you are not comfortable with anything more. If he has one negative thing to say, time to cut and run !
You'd be surprised at how many guys go for the "homerun" date on the 1st date. I agree, she should just counteroffer him if she really wants to go out with him.
Yeah, that's what I did before and he ignored it. Guess I can just try again--couldn't hurt. Thanks!
I bet he forgot you're baby-sitting over the weekend and might respond with a " i knnnneewww that!"
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. So I am going to have to tell him no again and re-emphasize when I am free. This will be the second date with him I turn down. 
Thanks!
