Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have found that some people generally have a negativity bias to almost everything in the world. It's like they perceive the world as a place out to get them, so they are constantly defensive and alert to slights. They can change but it takes work.
And I was married 14 years to a person like that, now my ex. It was exhausting. If someone parked in front of our house he would stomp around hollering "why do they have to pick our house to park in front of. I don't want to look at that stupid car all day".
Ugh. People like this, cynical people, are very fearful people. A cynic protects his fragile ego from disappointment by attacking everything around him FIRST. It's a "get you before you get me" defense mechanism. When I was younger I thought I could fix this type of person, and I felt good about being a ray of sunshine in their otherwise miserable, close-minded existence. But I learned the hard way by getting the life sucked out of me by one of these people.
Present day, I can't stand people like this because they are essentially stubborn, spoiled brats. They take no personal responsibility and CHOOSE to b*tch and moan about everything. They don't actually want to change, they just want to complain and coerce other people to tend to their needs.
RUN from these people because all they want is attention, while having NO intention of fixing what's broken within themselves. He will just keep you stuck, because he refuses to grow.
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,026,589 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
Ugh. People like this, cynical people, are very fearful people. A cynic protects his fragile ego from disappointment by attacking everything around him FIRST. It's a "get you before you get me" defense mechanism. When I was younger I thought I could fix this type of person, and I felt good about being a ray of sunshine in their otherwise miserable, close-minded existence. But I learned the hard way by getting the life sucked out of me by one of these people.
Present day, I can't stand people like this because they are essentially stubborn, spoiled brats. They take no personal responsibility and CHOOSE to b*tch and moan about everything. They don't actually want to change, they just want to complain and coerce other people to tend to their needs.
RUN from these people because all they want is attention, while having NO intention of fixing what's broken within themselves. He will just keep you stuck, because he refuses to grow.
He needs to get into therapy. His cynicism is probably deeply ingrained in his personality, and probably helped him cope with the dysfunctional family he grew up in. My ex was the same way.
If he doesn't get into therapy and at least gain some insight into how his negative attitude affects you, as well as the quality of his life, he will just continue with the same behavior. He needs reality pointed out to him by a licensed professional - then he won't be able to argue the validity of the advice.
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,026,589 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Not really, unless he believes and realizes there is a problem and WANTS to change.
It's a passive-aggressive way of getting everyone around you to COME QUICKLY, focus on ME and solve MY problem.
Totally SELF-centered, which makes a BAD marriage partner.
oh wow...well, we will definitely have to talk about this...I don't want to do the "D" word...not unless we have tried every iption & have tried to get each other on track.
Not really, unless he believes and realizes there is a problem and WANTS to change.
It's a passive-aggressive way of getting everyone around you to COME QUICKLY, focus on ME and solve MY problem.
Totally SELF-centered, which makes a BAD marriage partner.
Consider yourself 100+ rep'd!
The tricky thing about these people is they appeal to the nurturer and caretaker within us. They complain and snipe and fall apart, and we come right to their rescue, thinking we're doing a good thing by "making it better". But the joke is on us.
The key is to learn to focus on and value your OWN needs and not base your worth on how well you can make another person happy - otherwise you will continue to attract emotional/energy leeches.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
so there's no hope?? 
