How To Support A Friend Whose Wife Cheated On Him (marry, guy)
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I personally, don't agree with the other posters that he wants you. He is so co-dependent on his wife that there are no room for others. He isn't emotionally cheating he is just using you as an emotional tampon in my opinion. I know guys like this guy and they wouldn't have the good sense to leave their wife(she cheated) and kick it to you instead.
I personally, don't agree with the other posters that he wants you. He is so co-dependent on his wife that there are no room for others. He isn't emotionally cheating he is just using you as an emotional tampon in my opinion. I know guys like this guy and they wouldn't have the good sense to leave their wife(she cheated) and kick it to you instead.
This is most likely. I've known him from the board for more than 5 years and he is not the type to cheat. There's not one conversation where he does not mention his wife (even after the affair). I don't think there is anything that his wife can do that will make him leave.
He probably got close to me because he was having problems with his marriage? I don't think he is intentionally using me but that is what just happened IF I continued communication with him, I think he will drop me like a hot potato after his confrontation with his wife (if she agrees to fix their marriage). He says that our friendship should remain status quo while he is fixing his marriage but I doubt it. He would not even know I exist if things go well with him and his wife.
I hope I won't fall of the wagon on cutting ties with him.
I hope I won't fall of the wagon on cutting ties with him.
How you behave is a choice. Falling off the wagon doesn't just happen to you against your will, you choose it. So, you need to make better choices for yourself and not be of the mindset that you're an unwilling victim of things that somehow happen to you.
How you behave is a choice. Falling off the wagon doesn't just happen to you against your will, you choose it. So, you need to make better choices for yourself and not be of the mindset that you're an unwilling victim of things that somehow happen to you.
This.
And further, if he is getting Catholic counselling like your post said then you're not the only person he will talk to about this... just no sense in being emotionally invested in someone else in this situation where your personal life/work is affected. that's silly.
And further, if he is getting Catholic counselling like your post said then you're not the only person he will talk to about this... just no sense in being emotionally invested in someone else in this situation where your personal life/work is affected. that's silly.
Yes, his schedule is next week. That's almost 2 weeks from the time he found out about the affair. Until then he won't have anyone to talk to but me. I only thought I should support/listen to him during that time period.
But then I am going cold turkey. My boss noticed that I wasn't myself today And I really don't like the idea that I am only being used as an emotional crutch.
Yes, his schedule is next week. That's almost 2 weeks from the time he found out about the affair. Until then he won't have anyone to talk to but me. I only thought I should support/listen to him during that time period.
But then I am going cold turkey. My boss noticed that I wasn't myself today And I really don't like the idea that I am only being used as an emotional crutch.
Do you not think it's pretty extreme that you're allowing someone else's issues, who you don't even know in person, to affect you to the point your boss notices?
You need to change your mindset. Whether you were a friend, an emotional affair or a crutch, you are taking matters into your own hands now and choosing not to be any of that to this man, leaving him to discuss his marital problems with his wife and priest.
Do you not think it's pretty extreme that you're allowing someone else's issues, who you don't even know in person, to affect you to the point your boss notices?
You need to change your mindset. Whether you were a friend, an emotional affair or a crutch, you are taking matters into your own hands now and choosing not to be any of that to this man, leaving him to discuss his marital problems with his wife and priest.
Yes, it's always been my issue, I have difficulty managing my emotions
Thank you for all your advise. I read through this thread over and over when I feel tempted to communicate with him.
I broke NC with my friend and responded to his text message. Things were never the same though, not the same intensity communicating as before. We communicate less now. He and his wife have gone through counselling and they are working on fixing their relationship. We don't talk about his relationship with his wife anymore. I do enjoy that we talk about lighter things like fashion etc. He would send me a message or so when he is thinking or just made a purchase.
His wife got the designer purse that she wanted (LV). It was one of the reasons of their major fights since he found it unjustifiable to spend so much on a purse. We live in a third world country and the cost of a designer purse could easily be a year's income for most of the population. He gave in and and sent me a picture since I also like purses. I told him to send me a front shot but he said that he will try to sneak a shot. He said he does not want to give his wife reason to make an issue of us communicating. I found it odd when he told me that he also deletes all our conversations now that he is fixing his marriage. Isn't it his wife that cheated so why is acting like he is the one with fault? Again, I will stress that he has absolutely no attraction towards me and I feel the same for him now. I used to be attracted to him but I found that his reaction to the affair as weak. The counsellor even said that he was the first partner to be cheated on not to exhibit any anger. It looks like he is codependent as one of the posters pointed out.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Go get him loaded. Vegas might help.
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IF I continued communication with him, I think he will drop me like a hot potato after his confrontation with his wife (if she agrees to fix their marriage). He says that our friendship should remain status quo while he is fixing his marriage but I doubt it. He would not even know I exist if things go well with him and his wife. 
just no sense in being emotionally invested in someone else in this situation where your personal life/work is affected. that's silly. 
