Enough is Enough (wife, woman, husband, family)

[Dee67]

Hello

Am new here and would like to say hello
And also wanted so advice please

I used to live in australia and after discussing this with my husband I decided that doing escorting would help us out a bit any way in that time he drunk a lot and often would hit me but only like hit me once either on the face or on my body, even before i did the escorting he it me but said that since he warned me that it was coming its not his fault and the reason why he hit me was because i was going on but i wasn't. Anyway i did the escorting to help us as a family out he claimed that he was okay with it but would drink a lot and often no matter what i said take out on me or our son.
I often went to the police but when it came to going through with a statement and stuff i changed my mind thinking that no one would believe me and say that it was all in my head.
Anyway this went on for a long time then one day my son started school which is a really big thing after my son had been there a month the school called me and said that when my son does his show and tell he tells the class what his daddy does to his mummy took out all her clothes and spread them over the floor and then hit my mummy.
Even when the school contacted my husband and myself he was drunk when he saw the head teacher they asked him if he hit his wife of course he said no. That nite he had another go at me punched me in the head about 30 times that nite i slept in my sons room all shaken and scared thinking that he does not mean it and its must be me.

Any way to cut a long story short my son and i decided to give him another chance and go traveling around australia with him it was in march of this year that this happened he took a knife a bread knife and slapped it on my rib cage showed my son who took a X ray but nothing was broken went to the police but i had no evidence nothing was broken all i had was the bruises and since i dobbed him in to the police b4 when we were in london i could not go through with it again.

Anyway still with him 4 weeks ago he had a bit too much too drink and there was a lot of verbal abuse and mental and emotional abuse he punched me so hard that it left a bruise i took pictures this time and hide them some where safe.

Now i have left our room i sleep with my son or on the sofa i leave for good with my son in january.

But the things that gets me is that he keeps saying that i should stay and work through the problems i did that before when he claimed that he did not have a drinking problem when he drinks now he drinks every other day but heavy like a bottle of wine and a bottle of spirts.

I am thinking a bout giving him another chance but at the same time i know things will never change and that my son and i deserve better he has even punched my son in the face for not knowing the time.

Am not escorting now only did it for 18months back in 2005

Do guys like that change? do they ever stop blaming there partners and take responsiblity?

Any advice would be great sorry that its so long

[Dennis58]

My advice is to get away from this man any way you can. Get a restraining order, and if he violates it, press charges and STAND on those charges with both feet. Accept that it is not you that is the problem. The real problem is that these type of men are mean people, and many of them drink alcohol prior to beating their woman. That way they can claim they were drunk, and are somehow not responcible for their actions. Thats a load of bull, so don't fall for that junk. Any woman on this planet deserves better than this. Good luck to you!

[goldenmom7500]

NO! He will not change. Even if there is any room for working things through, it will happen again, and then you'll be asking the same questions all over again. Run as fast as you can.

[Synopsis]

This should be you Dee. Seriously. Be well and do what is right for YOU.

[wisconsin woman]

Originally Posted by Dee67

Hello

Am new here and would like to say hello
And also wanted so advice please

I used to live in australia and after discussing this with my husband I decided that doing escorting would help us out a bit any way in that time he drunk a lot and often would hit me but only like hit me once either on the face or on my body, even before i did the escorting he it me but said that since he warned me that it was coming its not his fault and the reason why he hit me was because i was going on but i wasn't. Anyway i did the escorting to help us as a family out he claimed that he was okay with it but would drink a lot and often no matter what i said take out on me or our son.
I often went to the police but when it came to going through with a statement and stuff i changed my mind thinking that no one would believe me and say that it was all in my head.
Anyway this went on for a long time then one day my son started school which is a really big thing after my son had been there a month the school called me and said that when my son does his show and tell he tells the class what his daddy does to his mummy took out all her clothes and spread them over the floor and then hit my mummy.
Even when the school contacted my husband and myself he was drunk when he saw the head teacher they asked him if he hit his wife of course he said no. That nite he had another go at me punched me in the head about 30 times that nite i slept in my sons room all shaken and scared thinking that he does not mean it and its must be me.

Any way to cut a long story short my son and i decided to give him another chance and go traveling around australia with him it was in march of this year that this happened he took a knife a bread knife and slapped it on my rib cage showed my son who took a X ray but nothing was broken went to the police but i had no evidence nothing was broken all i had was the bruises and since i dobbed him in to the police b4 when we were in london i could not go through with it again.

Anyway still with him 4 weeks ago he had a bit too much too drink and there was a lot of verbal abuse and mental and emotional abuse he punched me so hard that it left a bruise i took pictures this time and hide them some where safe.

Now i have left our room i sleep with my son or on the sofa i leave for good with my son in january.

But the things that gets me is that he keeps saying that i should stay and work through the problems i did that before when he claimed that he did not have a drinking problem when he drinks now he drinks every other day but heavy like a bottle of wine and a bottle of spirts.

I am thinking a bout giving him another chance but at the same time i know things will never change and that my son and i deserve better he has even punched my son in the face for not knowing the time.

Am not escorting now only did it for 18months back in 2005

Do guys like that change? do they ever stop blaming there partners and take responsiblity?

Any advice would be great sorry that its so long

You should walk away now. Not in a mont. Not in a year. But yesterday. Once they hit you, they know they can get away with it and will do it again, unless you take serious action. You can get a restraining order, get into a womans shelter and get on your feet but do not allow this to continue...and it will as long as youre there!

[nicolepsy]

yes, enough is enough.
you must leave for your son's sake at least.
he will never change. he is an alcoholic with emotional problems as well. these things are hard to fix/change.
dont even wait until january! leave today!
let us know please so we wont worry about you and your son!

[Rhett_Butler]

It's amazing to me you even have to ask, but such is the cycle of abuse I guess......

[Marylandkitten]

I don't think.... that running away from your husband will solve your problems. Granted if he's abusing you, you should not take it. But how low is your self esteem that you stoop to being a female escort for money? Other men will line up to walk all over you as well in the future, with or without an abusive husband to come home to.

What kind of example are you setting for your son?

[dixierox]

The other posters are correct. You have to leave for the sake of your son. Many children from abusive homes can become abusive themselves later in life. You have a responsibility as a parent to make a safe life for your son. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for him. He needs you now more than ever!

[goldenmom7500]

Me again. I wanted to tell the original poster that there is something called a "classic abusive relationship" (well, that's the term I always hear). Basically, depending on where you want to start in the cycle, there is a blow up (verbal or physical abuse - like hitting), then apologies and promises to change, then another build-up of tension, and then we are back to the blow-up.

So, you're really describing something that is in some way "typical" that forms a known pattern of behavior. This is why it is so hard to escape because once the tension is released (through the hitting, for example), then there is period of calm.

But yes, I agree with fiddlekitten that there are self-esteem issues to think about (fiddlekitten, hope that's an ok synopsis) ...