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First, have some respect for others' relationships Don't get so flippin drunk that you have to go crash at someone else's house KNOWING that the gf isn't even home! Extremely disrespectful to the absent gf. This is someone from 2 years out of his past who is crashing in the gf's home while she is away.
I understand OP missed a couple of huge red flags, for example why would he tell her that him and his girlfriend had a couple of rough spots and they've been taking couples therapy if he hasn't seen OP in two years. That's not something you tell people who aren't close to you unless you're throwing out the "I'm vulnerable so take advantage" tactic.
But I don't think you can squarely put the blame on OP. This guy obviously doesn't care about his relationship because instead of offering to pay for a cab he invited her into his home with the intent of making a move on her. If he was sincere about fixing his relationship he'd do everything to ensure that he doesn't jeopardize it. Makes you wonder why he and his girlfriend went to therapy in the 1st place.
Yup, I've come to see that - which is why I appreciate the normal people .
I have feeling that OP doesn't want to hear that she was inappropriate and disrespectful, or made wrong decision. Yes, there were other options, like coffee shop or taking taxi home, but she chose to stay at this guy home even after she was told that his GF was not there. It was not OK to do so, but maybe in her circles it's a normal thing...
I'd want to know if I was about to get engaged to a cheater.
Gee, I'm beginning to see why people keep their cell phones with them at all times. It would have been great to take a few pix of the interior of the condo to prove that you had been there.
Just describe it because she may not want to believe you and he will try to tell her you are crazy. Also, you know what day she was out of town, you have some "proof"
Describing things might not help. The GF could say you are after her BF, and took the opportunity to overnight when she was not there.
I would not interfere, but definitely cut off all ties with that guy.
Because he said he is engaged and lives with the gf and they have a guest room. Which sounded normal and safe.
Then OP started drinking and later in the evening found out the gf is not home. Still sounded safe bec why would he say he is engaged if he would want to sleep with her?
Also, when he wasn't trying anything before, when they worked together and he was single, how could she assume that he tries something now, when he is so happily engaged?
Makes sense, doesn't it?
For a horny guy, it makes total sense. Just the words I'd say (if I was a cheater) to make her feel safe, so she can come sleep at my place while my gf is out of town.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
I went out for dinner and drinks with an old coworker. We hadn't seen each other in a couple years and wanted to catch up. He and I had always been friendly, nothing more.
Over dinner, I learned that he has been dating someone for the past couple of years and they have been living together in a rented condo in the suburbs. They aren't engaged, but are planning on becoming engaged soon. He said they had hit a couple of rocky spots in their relationship over the past year, but they went to couple's therapy and made real progress. I expressed how happy I was for him that they had worked it out.
He told me he could stay at him and his girlfriend's place, in the guest room, so I wouldn't have to drive tipsy. I was appreciative. I was looking forward to meeting the girlfriend, until he told me she was traveling in another state for work.
We got to his place, I went to bed in the guest room. I was almost asleep when he came in, got into bed with me and started trying to hook up with me. I was appalled that he would do something like this, in the very place that him and his girlfriend were living in together. I told him that what he was doing was inappropriate and that I'd have no part in it. Then I left, bided some time at a coffee shop, and got home safely.
My question is - would you tell the girlfriend what happened? I don't know her and have never met her, but I know how to get in touch with her. If I were in her shoes, I would want to know.
Nope, let that trainwreck waiting to happen relationship combust by itself so you do not get caught in the aftermath. The GF could be the "shoot the messenger" kind, literally.
both of you used poor judgement.
You getting more involved won't change a thing.
I agree.
Both of you were in the wrong.
My husband and I are private people. We would not discuss any relationship problems with anyone else except family, and only if absolutely needed.
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