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I cam across this and of course I thought of y'all .
I'm going to quote a tiny piece, less than 1%, of this lengthy interview, because I think that is what the TOS here allow. But I recommend the whole thing!
Quote:
MM: Men find this very confusing.
EP: Some do. But on the other hand... men [could] see it as an invitation, that they can have multiple parts of themselves in a relationship too–that they don’t have to choose one or the other. They are the nice guy or they are the bad boy. That actually gives men the possibility to inhabit many different roles in the relationship and in one person.
She talks in depth about why women want their man to be both, and what that means, and how liberating it is for men.
It makes sense our society is based on instent graditude which i can see could cause troubles. Idk, my opinion that to only reason people cheat is they give up.
As for nice guy / bad boy? Its nice guy in public, open doors for you, treat you like queen. Then at home its bad boy with teasing, flurting and earth shattering, hanging by the rafters sex lol.
People may want contradictory things, incl. from each other, in a partner/relationship-for instance, security and excitement (or "nice guy" and "bad boy" behavior).
Having a desire for security or for excitement (and those were just one example of virtues at odds with each other) isn't bad or good, but sometimes one comes at the cost of the other.
Some people have a strong abiding preference for one over the other, and some people may cycle back and forth between which they prioritize/favor.
Both men and women want to be appreciated and valued on many levels-as physical beings, as emotional creatures, as friends, lovers, family members, and/or colleagues.
People's roles also change over time, for various reasons, so someone can go from behaving in one extreme direction toward the opposite extreme.
Finding a balance or compromise between extremes (of behavioral "types") can be difficult to achieve/maintain in oneself (or with another person).
I've been together with a very few women who were able to make a very deep emotional connection through sex during a one night stand. I married one...the last about 17 years ago. It's still there.
As for nice guy / bad boy? Its nice guy in public, open doors for you, treat you like queen. Then at home its bad boy with teasing, flurting and earth shattering, hanging by the rafters sex lol.
I told my husband why he is the opposite of what you said or you know usual nice guy in public, beat you in the house...
My husband when we are alone treats me like a queen always breakfast in bed, just overall sweet and nice. But when we're out with his friends he is a total Ahole. That was why we fought the last time that is why I told him I will be a biatch in front of his friends next time and see how he like it.
I hate Aholes so that is why we fight. He said we have not fought for awhile and I told him we only fight when he is an Ahole.
I guess my husband is doing it right by being bipolar? LOL. I disagree. I know what I want and that is a gentleman, ALWAYS!
I told my husband why he is the opposite of what you said or you know usual nice guy in public, beat you in the house...
My husband when we are alone treats me like a queen always breakfast in bed, just overall sweet and nice. But when we're out with his friends he is a total Ahole. That was why we fought the last time that is why I told him I will be a biatch in front of his friends next time and see how he like it.
I hate Aholes so that is why we fight. He said we have not fought for awhile and I told him we only fight when he is an Ahole.
I guess my husband is doing it right by being bipolar? LOL. I disagree. I know what I want and that is a gentleman, ALWAYS!
You say that now but when you actually get a "gentlemen" you are gonna divorce him because you will be "bored" of him or "lost attraction".
Happens every single time.
Kudos to your husband being an ahole in public....it's why you haven't divorced him. He is keeping the spice alive.
Is it really about being an ahole? If anything, I think it's having a backbone and standing up for yourself. Fights happen because someone is denying to folding under pressure. Everyone fights, just the frequency of those fights is the difference. My best friend and his wife fight way too much for my liking, but it seems to be what keeps them together and extremely sexual. Different strokes for different folks.
For me, I want respect. I want love too, but I can deal with less love for a lot more respect. The job doesn't get done with love, but it does get done with respect. In return, I'm willing to love my partner the way that she wants to be loved. I just want her to respect me and not undermine everything I do or say. It's not about control, but two people trying to accomodate each other and still have their own identities.
Likely, for all guys we want the lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. That is true for me at least. Nothing bores me more than a woman who's rather sexually prudish. It doesn't make her a bad woman, but we just aren't sexually compatible.
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