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Old 03-13-2014, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,761 posts, read 12,742,303 times
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Why do some men and women have an expectation that sex should occur early in a dating relationship (e.g. a few dates or a few months max), yet they're more likely to feel the need to date a few years before considering marriage?

I personally don't appreciate being expected to share my body with someone who I barely know (like after a few weeks or months), yet most reasonable people wouldn't expect to get engaged or married after knowing someone for such a short time. So why am I considered a prude for not wanting sex early?
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:08 PM
 
35,324 posts, read 25,213,244 times
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Because sex is needed to determine if there is any potential for a connection / LTR and marriage is decided after you know you want to be with someone for a long time/life, and there is a considerable gap between those two points. One is a beginning, the second is a new beginning.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:11 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,902 posts, read 70,695,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Why do some men and women have an expectation that sex should occur early in a dating relationship (e.g. a few dates or a few months max), yet they're more likely to feel the need to date a few years before considering marriage?

I personally don't appreciate being expected to share my body with someone who I barely know (like after a few weeks or months), yet most reasonable people wouldn't expect to get engaged or married after knowing someone for such a short time. So why am I considered a prude for not wanting sex early?
Who told you you were a prude?

Sex "should" happen when people are motivated for it to happen. When they feel they know each other enough and care about each other enough for it to happen. If someone's in a hurry for it to happen, and you're not, then it's not a good match, and you move on.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,677 posts, read 44,333,150 times
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You don't have to have it right away. You can sense when it's right.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:12 PM
 
168 posts, read 274,528 times
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Sex is a very important part to a happy and healthy marriage, though not the only important part. Communication and mutual respect are also needed.

Sure, you could marry someone without knowing if there is any real chemistry, and hope that you can just work on it over time, but to be honest, it will probably add more stress and complications in the marriage if the sex is bad from the start. I'm all for waiting until you're married, if that's what you want to do. But there is a reason we try on clothes and shoes before buying them. It sucks to buy them and then have to return them later because they didn't fit right...
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,761 posts, read 12,742,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Because sex is needed to determine if there is any potential for a connection / LTR and marriage is decided after you know you want to be with someone for a long time/life, and there is a considerable gap between those two points. One is a beginning, the second is a new beginning.
If that's the case, how did people fall for each other and got engaged without having sex first in the past?
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:15 PM
 
Location: SoCal
5,722 posts, read 4,536,136 times
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@The OP: Frankly, I am tempted to say that I agree with you on this. Honestly, I myself am extremely hesitant to have sex with someone before marriage and/or outside of marriage.

Also, honestly, I myself don't think that a marriage should be purely about romance. It should also be about having a very close friendship and about creating a better financial situation for oneself.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,761 posts, read 12,742,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrscandles View Post
Sex is a very important part to a happy and healthy marriage, though not the only important part. Communication and mutual respect are also needed.

Sure, you could marry someone without knowing if there is any real chemistry, and hope that you can just work on it over time, but to be honest, it will probably add more stress and complications in the marriage if the sex is bad from the start. I'm all for waiting until you're married, if that's what you want to do. But there is a reason we try on clothes and shoes before buying them. It sucks to buy them and then have to return them later because they didn't fit right...
I'm not waiting for marriage. I just don't like feeling like I'm expected to have sex with someone within the first few weeks/months of knowing them. I think it's a reasonable expectation after maybe 3-6 months.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:16 PM
 
6,387 posts, read 5,434,779 times
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Some people just find sex an enjoyable activity on its own and not necessarily a pre-cursor to marriage. Find someone whose beliefs are compatible with yours and don't worry about when other people have sex.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:17 PM
 
Location: SoCal
5,722 posts, read 4,536,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
If that's the case, how did people fall for each other and got engaged without having sex first in the past?
I think that timberline742 is making a hasty generalization in his post here.
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