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Old 03-15-2014, 09:27 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
53 posts, read 36,947 times
Reputation: 35

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I have never been one to cheat. I have made my share of mistakes. It took a lot of consideration before I decided to date considering going through a divorce. But beings he was, and the feeling I had that had been having an affair, I felt it was okay to move on.

Recently one of his exes private messages me and confirmed that yes, an affair did occur. That stung. But while going through some things for the divorce, we found two postings on other forums that stung even worse. One stating in detail about the affair...I had a miscarriage about a year ago and sometime after that he began seeing another woman, etc. But to top it off, I found a second post talking about how he never loved my children.

You can lie, misconstrue things, and complain about me all you want. It may hurt initially, but the fact is...I am going to get over it. I am a better person for not having him in my life now, obviously. But to speak about children like that? What kind of person does that? I am at the point where I honestly don't think they can hurt me any further. It's been topped. But it is truly shocking how their true colors are coming out more and more.
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Old 03-15-2014, 09:42 AM
 
12,544 posts, read 11,930,656 times
Reputation: 28854
If you found postings on another forum while "going through some things for the divorce," that means you went looking for them. I take it you are stalking your future former online to try to get something to build your case? My take on that is when you go looking for trouble, don't be surprised when you find it. People say things on forums all the time, and if he said it there, and not to your face, he may have just been blowing off steam.

I'll be honest: In a blended family, I would make a huge effort to show a spouse's kids love. But if they are spoiled rotten brats--and I'm not saying yours are--dang straight I will be blowing off steam, albeit to my sister in private. I wouldn't be dumb enough to do it online.

My suggestion is that unless you are suing him for adultery or something like that, wherein you need evidence of an affair, that you stop cyberstalking him. You're only going to drive yourself crazy.
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Old 03-15-2014, 09:44 AM
 
2,321 posts, read 2,364,618 times
Reputation: 2645
Ahh the 3rd installment.
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Old 03-15-2014, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,871 posts, read 8,019,083 times
Reputation: 11232
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molli View Post
Ahh the 3rd installment.
Ding, ding....bell lap.
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Old 03-15-2014, 10:57 AM
 
395 posts, read 427,355 times
Reputation: 414
Default Another perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
If you found postings on another forum while "going through some things for the divorce," that means you went looking for them. I take it you are stalking your future former online to try to get something to build your case? My take on that is when you go looking for trouble, don't be surprised when you find it. People say things on forums all the time, and if he said it there, and not to your face, he may have just been blowing off steam.

I'll be honest: In a blended family, I would make a huge effort to show a spouse's kids love. But if they are spoiled rotten brats--and I'm not saying yours are--dang straight I will be blowing off steam, albeit to my sister in private. I wouldn't be dumb enough to do it online.

My suggestion is that unless you are suing him for adultery or something like that, wherein you need evidence of an affair, that you stop cyberstalking him. You're only going to drive yourself crazy.

I agree, Op,
I am sorry you hurt. I truly am. But hacking his passwords or spying on sites he went to is not going to help you heal. I don't know how long you were married but I sense not very long. Which means in most places, no financial gain from showing "fault". Just more pain for you.

Yeah he probably didn't love your kids, but at least he vented far away from anyone who knew who he was. My skids were beasts, and his ex was major psycho...luckily I had a site for stepmothers to get support and sometimes vent.

Every ending has three sides...his, hers, and the truth. This is a good time to review, honestly, all three sides so that before you give your heart again, you gain better understanding and peace with all of this.
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Old 03-15-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
53 posts, read 36,947 times
Reputation: 35
Auntie77, I could be 100% wrong, but I believe I know you. And if so, I do appreciate the kind words, especially in the said situation.
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Old 03-15-2014, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,574 posts, read 17,678,523 times
Reputation: 40013
You now have enough information to completely move on and away from him. You have confirmation of what you knew in your heart.

I'm sorry you had to see those words, but no matter what direction you take with your life, you are better without him.
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Old 03-15-2014, 04:22 PM
 
17,168 posts, read 22,199,672 times
Reputation: 31299
look thru the windshield with new eyes...

not in the rearview mirror ...stirring the pot..

whats done is done,,no need to marinate in misery..
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Old 03-16-2014, 11:55 PM
 
3,942 posts, read 3,879,492 times
Reputation: 4687
Quote:
Originally Posted by trueblue01 View Post
I have never been one to cheat. I have made my share of mistakes. It took a lot of consideration before I decided to date considering going through a divorce. But beings he was, and the feeling I had that had been having an affair, I felt it was okay to move on.

Recently one of his exes private messages me and confirmed that yes, an affair did occur. That stung. But while going through some things for the divorce, we found two postings on other forums that stung even worse. One stating in detail about the affair...I had a miscarriage about a year ago and sometime after that he began seeing another woman, etc. But to top it off, I found a second post talking about how he never loved my children.

You can lie, misconstrue things, and complain about me all you want. It may hurt initially, but the fact is...I am going to get over it. I am a better person for not having him in my life now, obviously. But to speak about children like that? What kind of person does that? I am at the point where I honestly don't think they can hurt me any further. It's been topped. But it is truly shocking how their true colors are coming out more and more.
Yeah- the truth hurts but sets us free because we have options. Lies and manipulation hurt, because it strips us away from any sort of dignity or respect.

It's the lies that hurt. I rather be told the truth than a lie.
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Old 03-17-2014, 01:01 PM
 
1 posts, read 700 times
Reputation: 10
I know who you are talking about, and a little more personally than you think.

Just get over it. He didn't tell you everything and will never admit to it. He's happier now, trust me.
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