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Old 03-19-2014, 05:44 AM
 
239 posts, read 594,743 times
Reputation: 331

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I'm curious why a lot of people think that any sort or privacy in a relationship = "hiding" something. To me, every marriage is different, and one level of privacy for one couple may not work for another couple - but that doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with that level of privacy, or that someone is hiding something. To me, when someone wants a certain level of privacy (whether that be a family member or spouse), it doesn't mean they're hiding anything - it's just a respect issue.

I spent the weekend visiting my parents. I'm extremely close to my parents - just like I am to my spouse. That said, whenever I am at their house, I respect their privacy. I have their bank account numbers and passwords in preparation for the day they pass away. I know where their keys are kept, and where they keep old priceless family photos, wills, etc. They have important financial data of mine in case something happens to me, along with keys to the house, etc. However, I don't have access to their personal email accounts, facebook, etc - nor do I have access to my spouse's personal email. I know they wouldn't give it to me even if I asked, but I would never in a million years think they're "hiding" something because of it. I don't need to know the passwords to their personal email addresses, and never will. Just because I'm their only son, doesn't mean I have to have all that information.

Just curious where this "hiding something" train of thought comes from.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:47 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
From people who have been cheated on, and people who have never been in a relationship with an actual mature adult.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,691 posts, read 41,629,721 times
Reputation: 41324
It comes from a total misunderstanding of "trust." As someone who deals with private financial into for a living, my belief about trust is if you trust me at all why in God's name would you want my email, Facebook, or other assorted passwords in the first place? If you trusted me you would not have any use for that info in the first place.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
Suspicious behavior= hiding something; for me anyways. Don't give me a reason and I won't ask.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:54 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,944,891 times
Reputation: 11706
There are lots of reasons. Some healthy and some not so healthy. In a healthy relationship, I think respecting individual privacy is very important. It is up to each couple to agree on boundaries and respect that individual privacy too.

Of course, just remember that because someone is paranoid doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get them either. Putting on blinders when there is blatant, obvious reasons to be concerned is not good either.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:19 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,173,486 times
Reputation: 29088
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.

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Old 03-19-2014, 06:28 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.

I threw up a little
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:32 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,173,486 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I threw up a little
Sorry. There are a few people on here who will natter on about how they share everything but their tampons with their husbands.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,472,832 times
Reputation: 7857
Quote:
Originally Posted by Creativeguy504 View Post
I'm curious why a lot of people think that any sort or privacy in a relationship = "hiding" something. To me, every marriage is different, and one level of privacy for one couple may not work for another couple - but that doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with that level of privacy, or that someone is hiding something. To me, when someone wants a certain level of privacy (whether that be a family member or spouse), it doesn't mean they're hiding anything - it's just a respect issue.

I spent the weekend visiting my parents. I'm extremely close to my parents - just like I am to my spouse. That said, whenever I am at their house, I respect their privacy. I have their bank account numbers and passwords in preparation for the day they pass away. I know where their keys are kept, and where they keep old priceless family photos, wills, etc. They have important financial data of mine in case something happens to me, along with keys to the house, etc. However, I don't have access to their personal email accounts, facebook, etc - nor do I have access to my spouse's personal email. I know they wouldn't give it to me even if I asked, but I would never in a million years think they're "hiding" something because of it. I don't need to know the passwords to their personal email addresses, and never will. Just because I'm their only son, doesn't mean I have to have all that information.

Just curious where this "hiding something" train of thought comes from.
A whole generation in this country has grown up with random locker searches in schools, random drug tests at work, stop-and-frisk tactics by police, etc. Even if a particular individual has experienced none of these things, he or she has been brought up in a world where such things are regarded as perfectly normal. A lot of people today simply have no conception of privacy at all. We've made surveillance so routine and normal people can't understand privacy.
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Old 03-19-2014, 06:52 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,944,891 times
Reputation: 11706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.
LOL

I laughed out loud, but you are right too. I am sure they will chime in.
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