Privacy in a relationship = "hiding something?" (marriage, love, cheated)
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I'm curious why a lot of people think that any sort or privacy in a relationship = "hiding" something. To me, every marriage is different, and one level of privacy for one couple may not work for another couple - but that doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with that level of privacy, or that someone is hiding something. To me, when someone wants a certain level of privacy (whether that be a family member or spouse), it doesn't mean they're hiding anything - it's just a respect issue.
I spent the weekend visiting my parents. I'm extremely close to my parents - just like I am to my spouse. That said, whenever I am at their house, I respect their privacy. I have their bank account numbers and passwords in preparation for the day they pass away. I know where their keys are kept, and where they keep old priceless family photos, wills, etc. They have important financial data of mine in case something happens to me, along with keys to the house, etc. However, I don't have access to their personal email accounts, facebook, etc - nor do I have access to my spouse's personal email. I know they wouldn't give it to me even if I asked, but I would never in a million years think they're "hiding" something because of it. I don't need to know the passwords to their personal email addresses, and never will. Just because I'm their only son, doesn't mean I have to have all that information.
Just curious where this "hiding something" train of thought comes from.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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It comes from a total misunderstanding of "trust." As someone who deals with private financial into for a living, my belief about trust is if you trust me at all why in God's name would you want my email, Facebook, or other assorted passwords in the first place? If you trusted me you would not have any use for that info in the first place.
There are lots of reasons. Some healthy and some not so healthy. In a healthy relationship, I think respecting individual privacy is very important. It is up to each couple to agree on boundaries and respect that individual privacy too.
Of course, just remember that because someone is paranoid doesn't mean there isn't someone out to get them either. Putting on blinders when there is blatant, obvious reasons to be concerned is not good either.
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.
I'm curious why a lot of people think that any sort or privacy in a relationship = "hiding" something. To me, every marriage is different, and one level of privacy for one couple may not work for another couple - but that doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with that level of privacy, or that someone is hiding something. To me, when someone wants a certain level of privacy (whether that be a family member or spouse), it doesn't mean they're hiding anything - it's just a respect issue.
I spent the weekend visiting my parents. I'm extremely close to my parents - just like I am to my spouse. That said, whenever I am at their house, I respect their privacy. I have their bank account numbers and passwords in preparation for the day they pass away. I know where their keys are kept, and where they keep old priceless family photos, wills, etc. They have important financial data of mine in case something happens to me, along with keys to the house, etc. However, I don't have access to their personal email accounts, facebook, etc - nor do I have access to my spouse's personal email. I know they wouldn't give it to me even if I asked, but I would never in a million years think they're "hiding" something because of it. I don't need to know the passwords to their personal email addresses, and never will. Just because I'm their only son, doesn't mean I have to have all that information.
Just curious where this "hiding something" train of thought comes from.
A whole generation in this country has grown up with random locker searches in schools, random drug tests at work, stop-and-frisk tactics by police, etc. Even if a particular individual has experienced none of these things, he or she has been brought up in a world where such things are regarded as perfectly normal. A lot of people today simply have no conception of privacy at all. We've made surveillance so routine and normal people can't understand privacy.
Cue the brigade of people who say that if you have nothing to hide, why not share everything from your FB password to your bathroom activities because LOVE MEANS NO BOUNDARIES EVER AND WHAT YOU TELL ME, YOU TELL MY HUBBY BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN TEH WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!1!!.
LOL
I laughed out loud, but you are right too. I am sure they will chime in.
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