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I think from time to time we as women feel over looked by our families whether it our children or hubby. We are taken for granted and feel like we are useless to our families. Our spouses act like we don't put much into the home.
In fact we do add a great deal to the home with our child rearing, home duties, caring for our husbands. If you have not tried to talk to him then try to do so. If he will not see your point then you need to think about whether you want to live a life like that or not.
Only you can decide what you will accept in your relationship with your husband.
I am thinking you maybe of asian decent of some form.
Some American men will seek out women of this nationality because of the catering nature they have towards men. How they are brought up and what not. Could this be possibly be your situation? If your husband is the same nationality then he is just being a jerk.
to help us better understand (since we dont sometimes), what do you think your "role as his partner in everything" entails? what are you wanting that you dont have?
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniway
actually the truth is i have 2 babysitters for my kids. and i have a small franchise of foodcart that and i have 2 crew there. i am studying online in connection to my interest in photoshop. i have plenty of friends, friends from college, and friends from previous work that i am still seeing every now and then. so i am telling you guys it is not about money thing.
i am feeling bad with the thought that it is not common here that the wife is just like that so i feel like am i really a wife as you call it? as if i am living on my own, i want him to give me my role as his partner in everything.
i dont get any of this. first you say you quit your job and then you say you have a small business. you also say you feel like your only role is to stay at home and be his decoration but then you say you have two babysitters? i think people could help you more if you would be more clear.
i dont get any of this. first you say you quit your job and then you say you have a small business. you also say you feel like your only role is to stay at home and be his decoration but then you say you have two babysitters? i think people could help you more if you would be more clear.
True. We obviously aren't getting it. What exactly is it you want from your husband that he's not giving you? Is it his time? Do you feel that he doesn't appreciate you? Have you thought about going to counseling? You can go by yourself if he isn't willing to go with you. At least you can get some advice that will allow you to think about how you want to proceed with your marriage.
In the area I live in it's a perfectly acceptable and common way to live. I have absolutely no problem with it. I personally am a big believer in stay at home moms/wives but I would always want some way in finances,groceries,all of that. Divorced so I don't currently have the luxury but maybe someday.
Location: On another site. This one is lame :) Trying to give it a second chance though.
105 posts, read 71,180 times
Reputation: 44
Poor wife? Poor HUSBAND!
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniway
what do you think about a marriage wherein a wife role is only to be at home where the husband came home. i mean literally, handling money, doing the groceries, bills, the whole budgeting and money matters are all up with the husband. even not giving an allowance to the wife. what kind of relationship is this? please help me comprehend the situation. would you still be happy and continue this kind of situation?
I think far too many American women whine too much. That skin-headed fruit Dr. Phil and Oprah Windbag are largely responsible for it. Of course, the pioneer of the cry-baby housewife, Phil Donahue, shares plenty of blame as well.
"I need a break"
"I need help around the house"
"I'm so overwhelmed"
Here's a general rule of thumb. If you have the time to sit on the phone and whine to your girlfriend during the day about how hard your life is, it's not that hard.
I'm generally too busy to whine to anyone. I'm too busy doing my day job, making money on the side, and listening to my wife whine.
"I need a break" She says
From what? Cooking three meals a day, wiping up basically 4 rooms in the house that we actually go in, and doing laundry twice a week? Are you kidding me? Oh wait, I forgot pressing play on the DVD player, and turning on the computers for the kids. Whew.
Now I hear about women wanting to handle money all the time.
My answer?
Go make some.
My wife works part time, and has her own account. Of course that account doesn't pay any bills, that's my job Oh, and those two accounts are in her name. Of course, my accounts are joint accounts, but I have the pleasure of filling them.
Granted, there are PLENTY of truly independent women out there. Generally you don't hear from them because they're too busy being independent.
Seriously girls, and you know who you are, think about your position. Marriage does not entitle you to half of everything. That's nonsense. You have to pull your own weight. When you can do that, THEN you're a partner.
I handle the money because...
-I made it
-She doesn't want to anyway
I buy the groceries because...
-I check prices
-I shop smarter, i.e. stocking up on sale items
-She likes the pretty store, with the high prices. I go to the ugly warehouse looking store. We spend the same, I come home with twice as much
-I know the difference between a good deal, and a crappy generic product
-She complains about having to carry in too many bags
I don't give an allowance because
-An allowance is ridiculous. She's not a kid.
-She uses a credit card for everything. Some weeks more, some less
-She does make her own money, she can spend that if she needs cash, but she hardly does
Now I refuse to clean, and I stopped cooking. Somewhere I have to draw the line. Yes, she complains. I say "then go get a full time job, and we'll hire a maid with your salary. You'll never have to lift a finger in the house again. You'll just have to answer to someone else all day instead of being your own boss. Sound good?"
Sometimes I wonder what some women are really thinking. If my wife could make the money I do I'd be a "house husband" in a second. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate what she does. The problem here is she has no appreciation for what I do to enable her to do what she does.
I don't ask her to hurry up mopping the kitchen floor and help me with my day job, I'd appreciate it if I wasn't asked to help her with her day job. Just because her 9-10 hours of work (yeah right) are spread across the whole day in 1 or 2 hours slots, doesn't mean she works harder than I do.
Tell your friend to think about the alternative before she makes any sudden moves.
If it works it works but I'm not down with it. I'm currently not working (not by choice, however) and although technically I am a "stay at home wife", I handle all the finances, budgeting, household bills etc. I think no matter who plays what role, a healthy relationship should be one where both partners have equal say in what goes on in the family whether its the finances, kids, relationship, what have you. When it's one-sided and only one spouse has the majority of the control, things just get thrown off kilter. I don't see how a marriage like that can survive and both parties be happy.
I think far too many American women whine too much. That skin-headed fruit Dr. Phil and Oprah Windbag are largely responsible for it. Of course, the pioneer of the cry-baby housewife, Phil Donahue, shares plenty of blame as well.
"I need a break"
"I need help around the house"
"I'm so overwhelmed"
Here's a general rule of thumb. If you have the time to sit on the phone and whine to your girlfriend during the day about how hard your life is, it's not that hard.
I'm generally too busy to whine to anyone. I'm too busy doing my day job, making money on the side, and listening to my wife whine.
"I need a break" She says
From what? Cooking three meals a day, wiping up basically 4 rooms in the house that we actually go in, and doing laundry twice a week? Are you kidding me? Oh wait, I forgot pressing play on the DVD player, and turning on the computers for the kids. Whew.
Now I hear about women wanting to handle money all the time.
My answer?
Go make some.
My wife works part time, and has her own account. Of course that account doesn't pay any bills, that's my job Oh, and those two accounts are in her name. Of course, my accounts are joint accounts, but I have the pleasure of filling them.
Granted, there are PLENTY of truly independent women out there. Generally you don't hear from them because they're too busy being independent.
Seriously girls, and you know who you are, think about your position. Marriage does not entitle you to half of everything. That's nonsense. You have to pull your own weight. When you can do that, THEN you're a partner.
I handle the money because...
-I made it
-She doesn't want to anyway
I buy the groceries because...
-I check prices
-I shop smarter, i.e. stocking up on sale items
-She likes the pretty store, with the high prices. I go to the ugly warehouse looking store. We spend the same, I come home with twice as much
-I know the difference between a good deal, and a crappy generic product
-She complains about having to carry in too many bags
I don't give an allowance because
-An allowance is ridiculous. She's not a kid.
-She uses a credit card for everything. Some weeks more, some less
-She does make her own money, she can spend that if she needs cash, but she hardly does
Now I refuse to clean, and I stopped cooking. Somewhere I have to draw the line. Yes, she complains. I say "then go get a full time job, and we'll hire a maid with your salary. You'll never have to lift a finger in the house again. You'll just have to answer to someone else all day instead of being your own boss. Sound good?"
Sometimes I wonder what some women are really thinking. If my wife could make the money I do I'd be a "house husband" in a second. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate what she does. The problem here is she has no appreciation for what I do to enable her to do what she does.
I don't ask her to hurry up mopping the kitchen floor and help me with my day job, I'd appreciate it if I wasn't asked to help her with her day job. Just because her 9-10 hours of work (yeah right) are spread across the whole day in 1 or 2 hours slots, doesn't mean she works harder than I do.
Tell your friend to think about the alternative before she makes any sudden moves.
Wow! You're quite the catch!!! Your wife sure is lucky to have you!
Location: On another site. This one is lame :) Trying to give it a second chance though.
105 posts, read 71,180 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes
Wow! You're quite the catch!!! Your wife sure is lucky to have you!
Are you implying I should change something?
Maybe add to my 60 hour work week by helping my "poor wife" around the house?
How about I add to the other 30, 40 or 50 hours I spend doing the shopping, taking out the garbage, walking the dog multiple times a day, running other errands she "doesn't have time for". Maybe I can take a break from my "side activities" that bring in the cash to buy things like the new car she drives? After all, that only totals up to about 110 hours. That leaves a whopping 58 hours in the week.
You tell me, really. I mean hey, why should I have time to sit for an hour, or better yet, SLEEP?
This is the first time I've been able to just veg in front of the computer in DAYS if not weeks. Maybe I should give that up too? After all, her life is just way too hard.
What with spending a solid 2 hours on the phone at a minimum, per day. Watching tv and surfing the web, etc. She's just so busy.
I really should give her a break.
This is why so many men leave their wives for younger women, and it's also why so many women deserve to be broke and alone.
The expectations are ridiculous, and the reciprocation is pathetic, at best. I wish I didn't, but most of the women I know that had husbands leave them have almost the same attitude.
We don't leave for younger women. We leave because of the wives, but if you're going to trade in, hey, trade UP. I stick around for the kids. As long as I vent every few months or so when I see this "poor me" nonsense it helps me stick it out.
Maybe add to my 60 hour work week by helping my "poor wife" around the house?
How about I add to the other 30, 40 or 50 hours I spend doing the shopping, taking out the garbage, walking the dog multiple times a day, running other errands she "doesn't have time for". Maybe I can take a break from my "side activities" that bring in the cash to buy things like the new car she drives? After all, that only totals up to about 110 hours. That leaves a whopping 58 hours in the week.
You tell me, really. I mean hey, why should I have time to sit for an hour, or better yet, SLEEP?
This is the first time I've been able to just veg in front of the computer in DAYS if not weeks. Maybe I should give that up too? After all, her life is just way too hard.
What with spending a solid 2 hours on the phone at a minimum, per day. Watching tv and surfing the web, etc. She's just so busy.
I really should give her a break.
This is why so many men leave their wives for younger women, and it's also why so many women deserve to be broke and alone.
The expectations are ridiculous, and the reciprocation is pathetic, at best. I wish I didn't, but most of the women I know that had husbands leave them have almost the same attitude.
We don't leave for younger women. We leave because of the wives, but if you're going to trade in, hey, trade UP. I stick around for the kids. As long as I vent every few months or so when I see this "poor me" nonsense it helps me stick it out.
Not that you have a "poor me" attitude or anything ...
So, why are you married, just out of curiosity???
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Poor wife? Poor HUSBAND!
Oh, and those two accounts are in her name. Of course, my accounts are joint accounts, but I have the pleasure of filling them.
