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I don't understand how you can answer the phone but not the texts if the phone is locked. You didn't "snoop" but you did answer his phone AND you texted the girl. I'd have woken his butt up and told him to tell whoever was texting and calling to knock it off. I certainly wouldn't have texted her again the next day. It's not her place to explain who she is.
If my girlfriend woke me up about stupid phone calls at 3 AM I would have strangled her. When it comes to sleep I am like a mama bear protecting her cubs.
Not for anything though the boyfriend brushing it off sounds a bit shady he should just be upfront and tell his girlfriend.
Chalk it up to a drunk dial and move on. If he gets CONTINUAL, ONGOING calls and texts from this person, address that if you need to. Otherwise, consider that it's an isolated incident and move on.
I guess I was just feeling particularly paranoid/insecure that night.
I know it's not fair to my current boyfriend but....my ex husband used to sleep on the couch because he "had to fall asleep watching tv" and I couldn't sleep with it on. One morning after only a few months of marriage, I found my phone in the living room next to him, and all the texts had been wiped from it. I checked the history and picture messages had been sent to it in the middle of the night (his phone didn't receive pics--back in the old days). I searched my archives and found the pics--very R rated. I texted the number (hey it was MY phone he'd used after all) and nicely made it clear that I was the wife and found out that he'd never mentioned a wife, and that they'd been speaking on the phone late at night for the past 6 weeks and were planning to meet soon (when I was scheduled to go on a trip to visit my parents out of state). I was given the "she's just a friend and I had no idea the pics would be like that--I thought they'd be innocent." I asked to see his phone records and he refused.
She was out of state too.
Needless to say I contacted an attorney within hours.
Anyway...my current boyfriend sleeps on the couch frequently, especially when he's been drinking and doesn't want to bother me with snoring, and while I trust him, it still brings back bad associations. That night I'd woken him and pulled and tugged him to sleep in bed with me. Then his phone rings in the middle of the night and it kind of made a lump in my throat--what if I'd been in bed and he'd been on the couch?
It's my own insecurities I need to overcome. It just bothered me that he has a friend that he's close enough to that they're comfortable calling each other at 3am, that I haven't heard of before.
But you're right. It's never happened before that I know of, and I need to let it go. After all, he can't control how many times someone else decides to call him--he was sleeping.
At which point you should have said, "Yes, but I put it on silent as the woman kept calling back." That, in my estimation, was the logical response. And it would have put the ball in his court.....
that is a good response. i wish I would have thought of that at the time.
I know I should talk to him about it but I haven't worked up the nerve.
Saturday my boyfriend went and played golf with a buddy. My boyfriend and I met up at a local bar (his buddy dropped him off since he couldn't drive) afterwards, around 9pm and had a couple drinks (okay, I had one, he had three) and I drove us home and we cuddled and watched tv. We went to bed around 1. Fun times.
Why couldn't your b/f drive, was he drunk from being out golfing with his buddy? Also, why the emphasis on you only having one drink and he had three, is he get drunk often?
My issue is that at about 2:45 his phone started ringing. It woke me up and I went to the kitchen. It was a girl's name on the caller ID, who I'd never heard of before. I frowned, and hit "ignore" just to get the phone to stop ringing. He has many female (and male) friends. He's 35, and a former big partier up until his late 20's, and still has plenty of residual popularity, so a random drunk dial or text here and there doesn't bother me too much.
I'd be annoyed also at a phone waking me up at 2:24 am. His "former parties ways?" He still seems to be one at 35.Way too old for the sh*t.
What does bother me is that she called right back 3 minutes later. I frowned again and silenced the phone.
Two minutes later it started vibrating. Same chick. What the heck???
I'm not calling you out, honestly. However, you cannot silence a cell phone that is locked. You can't do anything to it but answer it unless you have the pass code or password to change settings.
I answered "hello?" trying not to wake him, since he was out cold and exhausted from golf.
She hung up immediately.
Five minutes later, a fourth call. I answered again. She hung up immediately.
I would have woken his drunk, tired a$$ up by this time and handed him his cell phone.
Then he started getting a barrage of texts--I couldn't read them since his phone was locked.
10 minutes later, another freakin' call.
Dude, it's 3 in the morning on Saturday night.
It's evident she wasn't drunk dialing/texting.
I texted her from my own phone (his old-school phone displays both the name and number, and I quickly memorized it). I asked if everything was okay and got "who is this?"
I said "this is -----'s girlfriend. His phone keeps ringing and it woke me up. I can wake him if it's an emergency--he's dead asleep."
She said "oh. I'm sorry to have woken you. I hope your happy."
and that was it.
I don't think you did anything wrong in calling her, your curiosity was rightfully peaked.
the next day it kept killing me so i texted her again saying i hoped i hadn't offended her. she said "you didn't."
and that was it. I mean, I'm clearly fishing for something reassuring--who wouldn't be?
I said "----'s never mentioned you before, have you been friends long?"
she said "we've been friends for about 6 years" (he and i have been dating for a little over 2)
i said "oh sweet! we should all hang out some time soon!"
She said "actually I don't live in FL anymore."
So....she doesn't live in our state. That's pretty non threatening, right?
But then why is she blowing up his phone at 3am? If it were a single call, it wouldn't bother me. It's the fact that she kept calling and calling.
Why is this bothering me so much and what would you think if it were you?
You do know your boyfriend knows that you called her and texted her, right?It's bothering you because you know something isn't right, period.
His particular model of phone (he doesn't have a smart phone) you can in fact silence it while it's locked, with a screen-swipe. You can also answer it while locked.
I did notice his head was buried in his phone most of the day and he seemed in a bad mood. But that could have been a million, trillion other things as well, up to and including a hangover. He was in a good mood again by the evening.
His head was buried in his phone most of the day and he seemed in a bad mood? That isn't a hangover, he got wind of you knowing this other girl called and that you spoke with her and sent her text messages. Of course he got in to a better mood, they were able to get on the same page about what you know and what you don't know.
You do know your boyfriend knows that you called her and texted her, right?It's bothering you because you know something isn't right, period.
I agree, OP can let this go but if I were her I would let the boyfriend know that he's "on watch." She can explain that she has no problem with him having female friend but she does have a problem with him not giving her a clear explanation about exactly who she is.
I wouldn't push the issue but I wouldn't necessarily buy the fact that she doesn't live in the state anymore. Maybe it's me being paranoid but I would totally search the internet for her phone number and see what I can find. I wouldn't bring it up to him again but if I was OP and I found out he was lying, I'd be out.
I didn't call her at all. I answered his phone, and at the time it was genuinely in an effort to make sure there wasn't an emergency. We're not college students anymore, we're in our 30's. If someone's calling repeatedly at 3am, my first assumption has shifted from "drunk dial" to emergency. If it were a drunk dial, I would ask them to call back during normal hours because he was asleep. If it were an emergency I was going to wake him up.
It wasn't until after she hung up that my curiosity was peaked. If they're friends, it shouldn't shock her for a woman to answer his phone--he and I have been dating for over two years and lived together for a year and a half. Surely anyone calling him knows that right?
What bothered me the most was her "I hope you're happy" comment. what is that?
I texted her a total of four times, all of them very nice and apologetic. She seemed pretty cold and short in her replies. Which wasn't too reassuring.
this is not me obsessing over it. it's just further explanation.
I agree, OP can let this go but if I were her I would let the boyfriend know that he's "on watch." She can explain that she has no problem with him having female friend but she does have a problem with him not giving her a clear explanation about exactly who she is.
I wouldn't push the issue but I wouldn't necessarily buy the fact that she doesn't live in the state anymore. Maybe it's me being paranoid but I would totally search the internet for her phone number and see what I can find. I wouldn't bring it up to him again but if I was OP and I found out he was lying, I'd be out.
Really you think telling him he is on watch is going to change anything? If a woman told me this I would be annoyed enough to start thinking of a way out.
I didn't call her at all. I answered his phone, and at the time it was genuinely in an effort to make sure there wasn't an emergency. We're not college students anymore, we're in our 30's. If someone's calling repeatedly at 3am, my first assumption has shifted from "drunk dial" to emergency. If it were a drunk dial, I would ask them to call back during normal hours because he was asleep. If it were an emergency I was going to wake him up.
It wasn't until after she hung up that my curiosity was peaked. If they're friends, it shouldn't shock her for a woman to answer his phone--he and I have been dating for over two years and lived together for a year and a half. Surely anyone calling him knows that right?
What bothered me the most was her "I hope you're happy" comment. what is that?
I texted her a total of four times, all of them very nice and apologetic. She seemed pretty cold and short in her replies. Which wasn't too reassuring.
this is not me obsessing over it. it's just further explanation.
IMO, you texted her 4 times too many. It wasn't your place to text her and I certainly would be cold as well. My guess is she figured you were trying to get info out of her.
Why would you be bothered by her "hope you're happy" comment? She could very well be just wishing you well.
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If a woman told me this I would be annoyed enough to start thinking of a way out.
