Basis of comparison and happiness in your relationship (family, like, parents)
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I agree, as usual there are a lot of assumptions and generalizations being made here.
We are obviously generalizing as very few questions about human behavior/emotions can be pinpointed specifically.
And just bc some of the happiest couples I know are on their second marriage does not mean they dated a lot...some went from marriage one to marriage two without a whole bunch of fuss in the middle (or before).
We are obviously generalizing as very few questions about human behavior/emotions can be pinpointed specifically.
And just bc some of the happiest couples I know are on their second marriage does not mean they dated a lot...some went from marriage one to marriage two without a whole bunch of fuss in the middle (or before).
I think I have dated a lot bc I have had 5 serious (8 months to 9 years) relationships.
Those five are also the only people I have "dated," as I don't bother dating anyone
who I don't see potential with. I usually have known them before and vetted them before I would even consider pursuing something romantically.
But that is a lot of "experience" (8 months, 13 months, 4 years, 7 years, and now 9 years with my wife), in my opinion.
To contrast, a VERY happy couple with a solid relationship that I think of right off the bat - the second person she ever dated and I think the 3rd or 4th for him (neither with any long, long term stuff like I had).
Another one - they were their firsts.
Another one - they were their firsts.
Another one - they were their firsts.
But that doesn't mean these people were like 19 when they got together. They just had long stretches of waiting for someone good enough.
I think I have dated a lot bc I have had 5 serious (8 months to 9 years) relationships.
Those five are also the only people I have "dated," as I don't bother dating anyone
who I don't see potential with. I usually have known them before and vetted them before I would even consider pursuing something romantically.
But that is a lot of "experience" (8 months, 13 months, 4 years, 7 years, and now 9 years with my wife), in my opinion.
To contrast, a VERY happy couple with a solid relationship that I think of right off the bat - the second person she ever dated and I think the 3rd or 4th for him (neither with any long, long term stuff like I had).
Another one - they were their firsts.
Another one - they were their firsts.
Another one - they were their firsts.
But that doesn't mean these people were like 19 when they got together. They just had long stretches of waiting for someone good enough.
I think I only know 2 people right off the bat that married their first loves - and I don't know them well enough anymore to know what their relationship is like. I consider my relationship to be VERY happy - and I had 2 long relationships before my husband, and he had about the same. My best friend is very happy with her husband and she had about 4 or 5 relationships before her husband and dated a handful of other guys. I would say that's about the same for most of my friends. 3-5 serious relationships and maybe a handful of other people that they dated casually. I don't really consider this a lot of experience or little experience - more just average.
What are your thoughts? Are people who've been around the block a few times happier and eventually settled down with happier than those who found someone they really connected with right off the bat?
No comparison between the two. One set of people was lucky and the other set of people had to go through what most of the world does.
I think happiness is more closely aligned on how lucky you feel to have your partner. My husband and I feel so lucky to have each other, and we think good things about each other.
Our couples friends that are not happy, one spouse thinks they are better than the other one.they think, oh my spouse is lucky to have me because I am so much ( hotter, smarter, wealthier, better).
There are too many other variables that affect the quality of a relationship, it would be impossible to isolate it to just the "experience in other relationships/no experience in other relationships" factor.
No comparison between the two. One set of people was lucky and the other set of people had to go through what most of the world does.
I can understand the OP's logic here though. People who've gotten a chance to have a lot of partners feel that they have experienced all there is out there and because of that feel confident that they are ready to settle down. Someone by comparison who has only been with one or two people their whole lives might wonder what they are missing and start to stray.
However, this is only a theory and there really and it really doesn't have any concrete evidence to back it up other than individual anecdotes.
I think I only know 2 people right off the bat that married their first loves - and I don't know them well enough anymore to know what their relationship is like. I consider my relationship to be VERY happy - and I had 2 long relationships before my husband, and he had about the same. My best friend is very happy with her husband and she had about 4 or 5 relationships before her husband and dated a handful of other guys. I would say that's about the same for most of my friends. 3-5 serious relationships and maybe a handful of other people that they dated casually. I don't really consider this a lot of experience or little experience - more just average.
That would be close to most people I know too, even though I'm sure most dated more than a handful.
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