criticism, how do you accept with grace? (how to, older, personality)

[nicolepsy]

i am ashamed to admit that i tend to have alot of trouble accepting criticism. i dont know why this is so. any ideas on why i am this way or how to get myself to accept it without getting angry or feeling hurt?

[pirate girl]

If you don't mind me asking- and you don't have to answer here but how old are you?

I've found that the older I get, the less I care what people think of me and the more I either accept criticism as something constructive or tend to let it roll off my back.... in my 20s I hated being criticized- and would react to it as if I were being attacked. I'm close to 40 now and I have to say that I'm much less defensive than I used to be.

I dont' know if age is a factor or if I have just evolved and matured to get here.

[Rcm58]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

i am ashamed to admit that i tend to have alot of trouble accepting criticism. i dont know why this is so. any ideas on why i am this way or how to get myself to accept it without getting angry or feeling hurt?

Just be honest with yourself, are they picking on you or is what their saying true.

[SmerkyGrl]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

i am ashamed to admit that i tend to have alot of trouble accepting criticism. i dont know why this is so. any ideas on why i am this way or how to get myself to accept it without getting angry or feeling hurt?

1. Step back and look at the point they're making
2. Ask them to elaborate on their point.
3. If they have a valid point, they'd be able to give examples. Otherwise, you know they're just trying to be nasty and snarky.
4. Decide whether or not you want to change and whether you'd be proud of being a person with the aspects criticized.

I get criticized a lot on things but there are some things I can live with and feel is part of my unique personality and others that I am apalled to realized and am quickly to change.

[Twinkle Toes]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

i am ashamed to admit that i tend to have alot of trouble accepting criticism. i dont know why this is so. any ideas on why i am this way or how to get myself to accept it without getting angry or feeling hurt?

I read that you said this in another post. I thought you were kidding!

[Rcm58]

Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl

1. Step back and look at the point they're making
2. Ask them to elaborate on their point.
3. If they have a valid point, they'd be able to give examples. Otherwise, you know they're just trying to be nasty and snarky.
4. Decide whether or not you want to change and whether you'd be proud of being a person with the aspects criticized.

I get criticized a lot on things but there are some things I can live with and feel is part of my unique personality and others that I am apalled to realized and am quickly to change.

You said this much better than I could have. Well Stated especially number 4, good point!, some things I like about myself I'll never want to change.

[GreenMachine]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

i am ashamed to admit that i tend to have alot of trouble accepting criticism. i dont know why this is so. any ideas on why i am this way or how to get myself to accept it without getting angry or feeling hurt?

Nobody likes to be criticized. I think it's an issue of what you interpret as criticism. I can't say anything to my sister because everything to her is criticism. She is overly sensitive to any type of input. If you make a suggestion to her, she thinks "that means I've been doing it all wrong in the past," and she immediately defends against it. The problem is that she never grows as a person. She'll be stuck in the same financial mess all her life. I can't stand to be around her because it's like walking on eggshells.

greenie

[goldenmom7500]

I am awfully sensitive. My problem is that even though I can handle things at an intellectual level, my "nervous system" has a life of its own and surges into anxiety, then plunges.

I also hate people who try to fall back on innuendo like "everyone is talking about you" or "everyone thinks this about you". It is just so immature, and is just meant to fill you with paranoia.

But ... I can typically appear that I am taking criticism with grace - but then I walk away and the palpitations start ...

[AnyDayNow]

Only you can answer the "why" for yourself and how to change it.

Rhetorical questions to encourage self-analysis:
-Why do you only want to hear good about yourself? If someone tells you what you want to hear because they know you will get mad at them for being honest, you are rewarding them for lying to you. Is that what you want?
-Why do you feel threatened when someone says something you don't like or you don't want to hear?

[Huckleberry3911948]

me too. a wild guess somebody at some time critizied or even disciplined you without good cause. so now when they try to throw that saddle on you, you kick and bite.
just guessing. keep the faith. hang in there.