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I'm totally with you, OP. Good post. I'm happy to "belong" to my wife, just as she's happy to "belong" to me. Neither of us take it too far. We respect each other's rights to be individuals and make our own decisions about most things, but we also like being a couple and living our lives with the other in mind. If she's going to stop at the bar for a "safety meeting" with her co-workers, she'll give me a call -- not to ask if it's okay, but to let me know. I do the same, but I'm more inclined to ask if she minds.
ChessieMom, I've been married twice in the last 20 years, both to women who, like you, claimed they never wanted to marry again. Funny how both changed their minds after a short while. My current wife even went so far as to threaten to leave if we didn't get married. That was a big surprise, as she'd told me two years earlier that she didn't even want to discuss marriage -- "Don't ask." So I didn't. A couple years later she apparently thought that if we were going to stay together, we should make it official. LOL
My new wife's mom would divorce her dad if he wasn't so helpless. I commend her on sticking around, but It affirms my take away from this site that women don't take "commitment" and "honor" as seriously as your general guy does. Though generally guys don't work on staying romantic.
I take commitment and honor VERY seriously. And I am a strong believer in marriage...between the right people. I worked hard on my marriage, but my ex was not interested in working on it. Once he decided he wanted out, that was it. That pretty much defined our entire marriage. His way, or no way. I don't regret the marriage, as my son is the joy of my life. And possibly I would have been up for giving it another go, if I had met the right person back then. But it's been too long, and I am far too independent now to change back for anyone. And I like not having to deal with a man in the house all the time. Frankly I prefer living alone, as does my guy. He has his house, and I have mine. It's perfect for both of us.
And we are both VERY committed.
I'm totally with you, OP. Good post. I'm happy to "belong" to my wife, just as she's happy to "belong" to me. Neither of us take it too far. We respect each other's rights to be individuals and make our own decisions about most things, but we also like being a couple and living our lives with the other in mind. If she's going to stop at the bar for a "safety meeting" with her co-workers, she'll give me a call -- not to ask if it's okay, but to let me know. I do the same, but I'm more inclined to ask if she minds.
ChessieMom, I've been married twice in the last 20 years, both to women who, like you, claimed they never wanted to marry again. Funny how both changed their minds after a short while. My current wife even went so far as to threaten to leave if we didn't get married. That was a big surprise, as she'd told me two years earlier that she didn't even want to discuss marriage -- "Don't ask." So I didn't. A couple years later she apparently thought that if we were going to stay together, we should make it official. LOL
Nope. You haven't been married to a woman like me. There are very very few like me around, I assure you. I adore men, but I would go stark raving looney tunes if I had to live with a man again. Believe me...it's not you, it's ME.
Nope. You haven't been married to a woman like me. There are very very few like me around, I assure you. I adore men, but I would go stark raving looney tunes if I had to live with a man again. Believe me...it's not you, it's ME.
Like or not, admit it or not, I am willing to bet that majority of us still like a partner who is a little overprotective. It definitely makes you feel good that your man or woman doesn't want anybody else to have you too.
I think every relationship has to have a healthy level of jealousy or possessiveness that doesn’t include conflict or any negativity.
I feel like what the OP describes isn't possessiveness the way I understand it. I'm not married. But when I'm in a relationship, I am attuned to the other person. I am concerned about their welfare. I feel a certain obligation to that person and expect them to reciprocate with similar feelings of obligation. I expect that we are each other's priorities and that we each take into account the other person's welfare when making any major life decision and in making tiny day-to-day decisions that could also affect them.
To me, it's not possessiveness, but a mix of interdependency, regard, mutual vulnerability and, of course, love.
When you look at an object and say "Mine," it is simply an expression of ownership and, of course, possession. Thus the negative connotations in the context of a relationship. When you look at a partner (or other loved one) and say "Mine," unless you are a sociopath, it is an expression of obligation, affection and responsibility, and the element of expectation is there simply because the feelings are mutual, and you expect in return the same things that you give. For example, you don't want them flirting with another person - you feel this way because they are your partner, but also because you would not do that yourself, right? That's less possessiveness and more an unspoken (or maybe spoken) contract that you have arrived at between you.
I feel like what the OP describes isn't possessiveness the way I understand it. I'm not married. But when I'm in a relationship, I am attuned to the other person. I am concerned about their welfare. I feel a certain obligation to that person and expect them to reciprocate with similar feelings of obligation. I expect that we are each other's priorities and that we each take into account the other person's welfare when making any major life decision and in making tiny day-to-day decisions that could also affect them.
To me, it's not possessiveness, but a mix of interdependency, regard, mutual vulnerability and, of course, love.
When you look at an object and say "Mine," it is simply an expression of ownership and, of course, possession. Thus the negative connotations in the context of a relationship. When you look at a partner (or other loved one) and say "Mine," unless you are a sociopath, it is an expression of obligation, affection and responsibility, and the element of expectation is there simply because the feelings are mutual, and you expect in return the same things that you give. For example, you don't want them flirting with another person - you feel this way because they are your partner, but also because you would not do that yourself, right? That's less possessiveness and more an unspoken (or maybe spoken) contract that you have arrived at between you.
I dunno. That's just the way I see things.
I see what you are saying and to a degree can understand the delicate way in which you describe this. But the truth is my wife DOES look at me and say, "Mine." And I do the same with her. It is a spirit of possessiveness. But in a healthy relationship it is done so out of love and a spirit of desire for the best interests of the relationship and the observer's partner. Still, you bring a good outlook to the conversation.
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I adore men, but I would go stark raving looney tunes if I had to live with a man again. Believe me...it's not you, it's ME. 
