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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556
It's for sure not an internet phenomenon only, Ruth4Truth. Myself and many people I know take pride in having no kids because we have money to do other, more fun and immersive things.
I'm happy to not have children and have the money and flexibility (plus savings) to travel and do what I'd like to do. I have no idea what that has to do with dating a person with children. They need not conflict.
Breeding resentment? That is not good. You need to go to confession and ask for help with your rage, envy and pride.
Nope, instead I don't date dads. I have no rage, I just wanted dads to leave me alone and so many saw me as a free ticket to support them, their kids and the ex. No thanks, I'll pass.
I am not sure if whomever repped me asking if I was a virgin is trying to be funny or serious...
Didn't you know? apparently if you don't have kids that makes you a virgin. I've actually gotten that comment before when I say I don't date dads that I must only date virgins. Aren't people aware you can have lots of sex and never have a pregnancy? it's called birth control, or abstinence or luck.
I don't think men have some aversion to dating single moms. Would I go out and look for a single mom, no. Would I be opposed to dating one if I met her liked her and we clicked, no I wouldn't.
Lets be honest, to a single guy a single mom has more responsibility. she can't just decide at 6pm on a friday night to go away for the weekend. If she's a good mom a lot of her time will be occupied by the kid.
There's nothing bad about single moms but you can't honestly say a single mom is going to have as much time to devote to a relationship as a women with no kids and you have ot admit dating a single mom is going to be more challenging.
Why would someone actively seek out a more challenging relationship? Like I said if I fell in love iwth a sinle mom or really lcicked with one I'd date her but I'm not going to go out seeking out single moms.
Also, there's no casual dating and moving in or even staying over. IMHO a good mom isn't going to let every tom dick and harry meet their children or around their children so if you do get to a point where you can come by the house, stay over, etc its got to be pretty serious not just casual datig
Again, single mom here and you hit the nail on the head. At least, as far as my outlook on dating. I don't have the time most men seem to want to date (even single dads). I am supposed to have split custody with my ex, but guess what, he just doesn't take our child during his parenting time (he's cut it back to the old fashion, dad gets the child every other weekend). It's why I have issues with men who seem to want me to drop everything and make them the center of my life when I've essentially "just met" them.
So yes, it is a more challenging relationship and I know the cards are stacked against me. And again, I hold no hard feelings for men who don't want to date me because of it. It's their choice just like it's my choice to break it off with men who I feel are too needy or clingy.
If things get more serious, there would be staying over and such, but it can't be spur of the moment and would only be when my child is with her dad. Simple as that for the reason you pointed out, I am not bringing every Tom, Dick, and Harry home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoFigureMeOut
I'm a female and I feel it's unfair to criticize a guy for not wanting to date a woman with kids. Some men just don't want to deal with the whole "you're not my Daddy" BS that comes from trying to parent kids who are not your own. Not to mention if the bio father is a deadbeat, the financial burden increases dramatically.
I get what you are saying, but this whole "raise someone else's child" is a pet peeve of mine. I might be divorced from him, but my daughter HAS a father. If any man I date thinks just because he's romantically involved with me, it somehow makes him a father, he's sorely mistaken. Although, I can't even imagine a situation where my boyfriend would be in that position anyway... unless maybe he's a single dad with a kid my daughter's age and for a change of pace we do a date at the zoo with kids or something. And then the situation is more akin to how a parent would interact with another parent's child (like on a school trip or something... besides, I'd be right there).
I am talking dating of course... since that's the thread title. Your example comes more into play if someone ends up in some kind of committed relationship (moving in together or re-marriage).
It's for sure not an internet phenomenon only, Ruth4Truth. Myself and many people I know take pride in having no kids because we have money to do other, more fun and immersive things.
Good for you. A lot of single women take care not to get saddled with kids. But those who do have kids are hardly dating pariahs. Several guy friends/acquaintances of mine have dated and married single moms and are very happy. Some guys who have posted here in the past were with single moms. Some of our own regular members here say they have no problem with dating single moms. I think what happens on forums like this is the guys who are allergic to the idea of dating a single mom come out of the woodwork, so it creates the impression that there's a stigma about single moms. But in real life, single moms do find partners if they want them. Some prefer to focus on raising their kids (so do some single dads), and postpone dating until the kids are almost grown.
I think some of these prejudices get overblown on internet forums.
It applies equally to sing dads too... there are a few regulars that talk about it.
Except usually the dad does not have primary custody, or has the kid infrequently. Unless you are saying single dads who DO have primary custody. In which case, the percentage of these people are small vs single moms
I have dated many single women, and am dating one now, long term.
To say that dating a single mom is not a hassle is just outright lying. For me, it's always been scheduling. It's hard to get her time. Then it's hard to get her for time away (weekend away, overnighting, etc.), expense of a babysitter, if that is even an option.
That said, the woman I am with has a child, and I love them both, but I like kids, to each his own...
The sad thing is the single parents I know offline who would make great mates (and have their lives together)aren't the ones I've seen online. I know there are single parents even here who are stable but that's been a minority of what I've seen. Instead by far I've seen so many baby daddies (men with multiple illegitimate children), men in horrible financial situations due to the ex and kids and of course drama. Yet they are the first to report me when I say nope or harass me. You're right, this breed of single parents shouldn't be dating or if they are, shouldn't expect someone like me to be interested.
I am a single mom that has her stuff reasonably together (a little hectic right now with buying another house, so I have hid my profiles). The single dads I have encountered are broke or have insane drama. I had a guy ask me for $500 the other day and we have never even messaged. Blocked him... But it makes me want to avoid single dads.
Except usually the dad does not have primary custody, or has the kid infrequently. Unless you are saying single dads who DO have primary custody.
Yeah, it was pretty clear that's what he was talking about. Otherwise, why bring it up?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeSmith357;
To say that dating a single mom is not a hassle is just outright lying. For me, it's always been scheduling. It's hard to get her time. Then it's hard to get her for time away (weekend away, overnighting, etc.), expense of a babysitter, if that is even an option.
This isn't the objection the more vocal anti-single-mom guys here have, though. There's a paranoia for some, about single moms only wanting a partner for a meal ticket for her and her kids. That's what they anti-single-mom hysteria is about, when it comes up. It's a version of the "gold-digger" paranoia.
Just for the record, I think Jillabean is actually a good representative of single parents because she has her stuff together, she isn't looking for someone to support her and her daughter or even looking for another father. If I had been exposed more to single dads like her I may think of this issue differently. For example one of my exes (I dated him before he had kids)has been married four times with four kids is constantly on dating sites looking for the new wife. The reason of course is he wants someone to help support him since he spends most of his money on his kids. You'd think he would learn but nope he wants to remarry again.
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