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I am going to get (another) note from the mods for gender bashing, so better read this quickly.
Sadly, there are many women who behave exactly as your ex: play the part to the max; get the trips, the jewelry, the cash, the house, the cars, the trappings "to which they are entitled", and then, once they are 'there', turn off the sex, the love, and amp up the hurtful behaviors until the man flees. It many times involves banging out a couple of kids to make sure the man is completely trapped--if not emotionally, certainly financially.
Ask an honest woman how women talk about such things in their own circles: "he owes me". It is nasty, and very hurtful.
OP, you are at least lucky to have escaped without the kids part. You didn't say what the economics looked like, but I will bet that there was a financial settlement that cost you more than it did her. At least you didn't get sucked into child support (and no, I am not suggesting that a responsible parent should not pay child support; so don't even go there).
If you are curious, watch from a distance and see how long it takes her to fleece the latest sheep. It's a way of life for some. Be thankful you are out of this with minor abrasions. It could have been a whole lot worse--both emotionally and financially.
Oh, yes, "many" women are just so awful and conniving that they would waste several years of their young lives behaving that way as some kind of nefarious plot to get a settlement from a guy who makes 50K and destroy their own bodies and health in the process. Watch out, they're everywhere!
She is not a good woman at all. People start off one way and end up a totally different person after a while. You two may have had something a long time ago but it is over now. If she is with him for his wealth then why do you care? I understand you love who she was, and I hope you don't since you found out how she really is. Seems to me she was putting up a front back then or something in her changed. My point is, you should not care or be jealous. You'll find someone a lot better.
Sounds like she had a serious mental health breakdown.
I would not be surprised to learn that she has been diagnosed as bipolar. The giddy whirlwind courships alternating with severe depression would fit that pattern. If so, it has nothing to do with you.
Most of the men on this forum have never been in a relationship. Their bizarre ideas about women (e.g. that women don't crave men sexually, and are all gold diggers) come from misogynist forums, and are unrelated to real life. Take what they say with a few shovelfuls of salt.
Your obsession with her weight is a huge red flag.
I know I am lucky that I got out. I know there was a reason I had to leave...but I couldn't figure out why because I was I still in love with her. But she wasn't reciprocating any type of love.
She was pushing me hard for kids after year one and I put my foot down because her treatment of me wasn't the best environment to bring a child into. So when I stated my case that we should have children until our relationship was at a better place, she would lash out and withdraw. So it became this battle.
As for meds...it was Cymbalta, Lamictal, Strattera. I think there was a fourth med but I don't remember the name.
So yeah, it sucks to see that she has the ability to just magically turn things around for some guy at her job, but not the guy who put a roof over her head, brought her on lavish vacations, and married infront of 400 people.
Oh, yes, "many" women are just so awful and conniving that they would waste several years of their young lives behaving that way as some kind of nefarious plot to get a settlement and destroy their own bodies and health in the process. Watch out, they're everywhere!
Sadly, yes. They just don't think about what it does for them other than satisfy a greedy itch. To their ambitions, it is not wasteful at all. Please, I am not bashing women in general, but acknowledging that there are many who pursue this goal like it was some sort of life calling. In many cases, they call themselves "single moms" like it was some sort of badge of honor, or necessarily elicited some sort of 'woe is me' sympathy from the greater masses. They label themselves like it was some sort of illness for which society ought to take pity.
Don't be naïve, and don't imagine all our your specie as you would wish them to be.
I lived with one...for more years than I care to admit, before i got stung. Money, kids, houses, HER bank accounts, HER car, and all of the trappings. As soon as my career peaked, she was out the door like a lightening bolt. Like the OP, I was dumbfounded, until a woman explained it all to me. Many of her kind are not all they are cracked up to be, especially when there are goals to be achieved, however nefarious.
Please, i am not broadly bashing any particular group. But yes, there are SOME whose intentions are not completely honest. There are many who are otherwise. I am extremely lucky to have found one...the second time around.
Also (typically) affluent men don't go after obese women.
I was not Facebook friends with the guy. I didn't even know who he was until I was informed of what happened and looked him up and saw all the photos that were public. What I find curious, when looking at her page soon afterwards, was that there wasn't a single photo of them together. Whereas when we were dating, her page was littered with photos of us together. So, she might be embarrassed of him...who knows.
She lost weight when he came into the picture, just like she lost weight when I she started chasing me around our office.
So yeah, it sucks to see that she has the ability to just magically turn things around for some guy at her job, but not the guy who put a roof over her head, brought her on lavish vacations, and married infront of 400 people.
I can't lie, I'm hurt.
Of course you are hurt. And I am very sorry.
You are lying to yourself, though, when you say she had the ability. I don't think she did. And this will be hard for you to hear, because it means that her passion for you in the beginning was just as much a product of her illness as her meanness later. There was some reality underlying it, but both the ups and the downs were intensely magnified by her disease.
You might want to do some googling about relationships with bipolar people. I find reading about other people's experience helps me a lot in understanding what I am feeling, maybe this will be true for you, too.
I wish you well, and I am so sorry you went through this.
-
PS: The drugs cause weight gain, and loss of interest in sex. Once she starts the up phase she becomes very horny, and goes off the drugs which causes her weight to return to normal. All this is speculation, of course, but it's how stuff typically goes.
Sadly, yes. They just don't think about what it does for them other than satisfy a greedy itch. To their ambitions, it is not wasteful at all. Please, I am not bashing women in general, but acknowledging that there are many who pursue this goal like it was some sort of life calling. In many cases, they call themselves "single moms" like it was some sort of badge of honor, or necessarily elicited some sort of 'woe is me' sympathy from the greater masses. They label themselves like it was some sort of illness for which society ought to take pity.
Don't be naïve, and don't imagine all our your specie as you would wish them to be.
I lived with one...for more years than I care to admit, before i got stung. Money, kids, houses, HER bank accounts, HER car, and all of the trappings. As soon as my career peaked, she was out the door like a lightening bolt. Like the OP, I was dumbfounded, until a woman explained it all to me. Many of her kind are not all they are cracked up to be, especially when there are goals to be achieved, however nefarious.
Please, i am not broadly bashing any particular group. But yes, there are SOME whose intentions are not completely honest. There are many who are otherwise. I am extremely lucky to have found one...the second time around.
Love is, indeed, lovelier......
All of my SPECIES?
"Many" of "her kind?"
Well, shoot. Cat's out of the bag now. You're on to the Venusian invasion. Look out, Earth men!
So yeah, it sucks to see that she has the ability to just magically turn things around for some guy at her job, but not the guy who put a roof over her head, brought her on lavish vacations, and married infront of 400 people.
I can't lie, I'm hurt.
But that guy is probably just the new you. She's at the start of the cycle with him.
When you met her, she was overweight. Just like with this guy. Then she lost a lot of weight and you started dating. Just like this guy (probably). Then you had this whirlwind courtship and marriage during which she was a wonderful person who was easy to fall hard for very quickly. JUST LIKE THIS GUY.
Then after she settled in to her happy dream of a marriage after her perfect romantic courtship, something in her snapped. Whatever is broken in her got triggered and she started pushing you away, and putting barriers up (weight, money, etc).
What makes you think she won't do the same with him?
She had doctors and meds and marriage counseling but couldn't fix what was going on with her. It's still there. It will just come back again, whenever she triggers again. It will likely be there until she hits bottom, whenever that happens. When she gets there she might become inspired to look for whatever will bring permanent change and stability (stronger meds, better counseling, who knows?)
This was not about you. You may not be a perfect person or the perfect husband, but she has issues. Her current marriage has NOTHING to do with what you did or didn't do for her.
Easily said than done I know, but you need to let it go. Do not take this on. It is not your fault. (((hugs)))
I was not Facebook friends with the guy. I didn't even know who he was until I was informed of what happened and looked him up and saw all the photos that were public. What I find curious, when looking at her page soon afterwards, was that there wasn't a single photo of them together. Whereas when we were dating, her page was littered with photos of us together. So, she might be embarrassed of him...who knows.
She lost weight when he came into the picture, just like she lost weight when I she started chasing me around our office.
I realize that there is a pattern here...
Why do you care?
You're divorced without children. Thank God it's over and move on; maybe then will stop hurting a being Absolutely Devastated.
Look at it this way. You were very lucky to have ended the marriage with her. And you did not have children, you are a lucky dude.
She is probably a women that lacks intrinsic happiness. Her happiness comes from external sources and no one can make her happy 24/7. She will fail all her relationships. You are lucky you escaped her.
exactly.
every break up is tough, but once there's kids involved you can't ever get out of the relationship completely.
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