35 and no serious relationships = red flag? (dating, boyfriend, married, woman)

[ShatteredHope]

Wdyt? I know someone who is 35 soon to be 36. He has a master's degree, good solid job, and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. He has never had a relationship longer than a year, ever. Says he has never truly been in love. No engagements, marriages, or kids. He is pretty focused on his career, but he is also always actively dating/looking for new people to date.

Do you think it's a major red flag? Or NBD?

[bannedontherun]

I'd say no big deal. He sounds like he's doing quite well for himself and has his priorities in order.

[Tarzanman]

Its not a *major* red flag, but be prepared to deal with someone who will have to do some major adjustments for your relationship to get serious.

In all likelihood, you might be the one trying to push things along and you shouldn't be surprised if he tries to slow things down from fear of the unknown or things going faster than he is comfortable with.

[Meyerland]

If you are just having fun and want a short term relationship, great. If you are wanting a long term relationship, proceed with caution. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. There are a myriad of reasons he has not had a long term relationship, and most of them are negative if you want a LTR.

[NilaJones]

Is he an engineer, software or otherwise?

It seems to be part of the culture of certain geeky careers that the guys don't date much until they are older.

Or, it could be that he has some serious personal issues that are not visible to you as a friend, and only come out in relationships.

If he doesn't, he will still have the problem that his relationship skills are not developed. There is a steep learning curve, and a woman his age may not be willing to wait for years while he learns.

I don't usually advocate age gap relationships, but he might be a good candidate for one. A girl who is 10 years younger than him, but very mature and ready for the life stage he is at (which I assume means having kids, etc.) might be a good partner for him. They can learn together . Or a geek grrl!

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ETA: Ohhhh... I managed to overlook this part:

but he is also always actively dating/looking for new people to date.

Yes, huge red flag. If he has the dating experience but has not fallen in love, that is a scary-bad sign, IMO. And he should definitely not date younger.

[Raptor76]

I wouldn't call it a red flag, because I don't think it is a bad or harmful thing, but he would probably be more compatiable with a woman who was in the same boat, than a woman who has been married before or came out of a long term relationship

[Adhom]

Originally Posted by ShatteredHope

Wdyt? I know someone who is 35 soon to be 36. He has a master's degree, good solid job, and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. He has never had a relationship longer than a year, ever. Says he has never truly been in love. No engagements, marriages, or kids. He is pretty focused on his career, but he is also always actively dating/looking for new people to date.

Do you think it's a major red flag? Or NBD?

I think the fact you think this may be a major red flag is a major red flag.

[KeraKera]

Let's face it. Men have an advantage in dating. From what I've seen in men similar to your description above is they have a mentality that they have no incentive to settle down. They enjoy playing the scene.

Yes, it is a red flag to me.

[neutrino78x]

I agree with others, I don't see a red flag here. That guy is doing better than me, at least someone liked him back at some point.

[neutrino78x]

Now I do agree that if you're looking to get married and have kids it might be an issue. But if you're just looking for a boyfriend and not interested in the husband and kids, then it's not.