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Old 12-07-2007, 02:28 PM
 
21,893 posts, read 19,031,374 times
Reputation: 18005

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This situation just developing at work, need some helpful input so I stay out of trouble because it might be headed in that direction....

there's a guy at work, mutual flirtation going on for a few months now, today while chatting he asked me if I'm single, so I think this is great it's moving into the "are you available, do you want to go out" range of conversation. So I let him know i am and he asks me for how long and I say about a year, and of course I ask him "And you? Are you seeing anybody?" since the topic is on the table, and he says he's still married.

Well that threw cold water on the dating scenario (work wise it's OK we're in totally different departments) because I have never dated nor been interested in anyone married or not single in any form, including separated, living together whatever. So I'm ready to just go back to the old chatting say hi in the hall and be fine with that.

But he's keeping on with the flirtation and the touching my hair and telling me how good I look and what kind of movies do you like and it still feel like he's getting ready to ask me out.

My question is this (this is the "wandering into dangerous territory"): Can we still do stuff together and hang out and go to movies and do "friends stuff"? Or is it asking for trouble because it's clear there is a sexual attraction going on here both ways? It's clearly a no-future long term, but if a short-term fun thing presents itself even if it's sexual....and I know he's married. I have no problem with short-term sexual relationships with someone single, but what I've not encountered before EVER is the attentions from someone married and open about it.

Your input is welcome...thanks in advance!
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Old 12-07-2007, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes + some
2,885 posts, read 1,970,225 times
Reputation: 346
Sane people will tell you "trouble only". Believe me.
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:07 PM
 
Location: In my mind
630 posts, read 2,221,964 times
Reputation: 704
Trouble and with a capitol "T". Even though you know he is married you sound as though you would be willing to go out and if it so happens a sexual encounter. Maybe you need to think this way, how would I feel if I was his wife, put yourself in her shoes, and if you do go out, think about the fact of where is, she what is she doing, what is she thinking and what lies did he tell her. If he lies to her what keeps him from lying to you?? What would happen if you did have an encounter and she finds out, do you know how she would or would not react? Maybe she's not the sane type, maybe she is, what extent will she go to to protect her marriage. Just some things to think about .... Personally I would run the other direction ... Just my .02 cents ...
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:12 PM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 2,629,346 times
Reputation: 511
this is not a good situation to enter into. it's up to you of course but i got the impression that you werent into dating men that were attached. besides, i thought you were a lesbian? i thought i just read that on another thread? the one about jazz?
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,923,431 times
Reputation: 13467
Not only is this not a good situation - it's a BAD situation! Even if he works in another department, when it turns to sh@@, as you know it will, you will be uncomfortable regardless of which department he works in!

The fact that he is married and you're allowing him to play with your hair and stuff, that's just downright creepy! I won't even go into how morally wrong it is to hook up with someone who is already taken. You already know that.

Here's something for you to think about though. What if his wife is having him watched or followed or otherwise finds you hanging out with her husband doing God knows what. You are putting yourself in some serious danger and it would be well deserved. However, we here at CD like you and want to continue to see you posting in here and going out with someone elses husband could lead to serious harm or even death, so just steer clear of that whole situation altogether and you'll be here to post again.
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:20 PM
 
141 posts, read 611,700 times
Reputation: 131
Run Forrest Run!

Don't do it. Most likely...it won't end well. Hopefully you have a good reputation to protect at work...do you really want to risk it for some married man? Regardless of his situation at home, he's still married. Respect yourself and their marriage!
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:21 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,340,639 times
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Unless he's planning on leaving his wife and is already in the process or something..... stear clear from him!

No, going out and doing "buddy" things isn't okay. He has male buddies for that, and if not... he should be going out with his wife. He should be touching his wife's hair, complimenting his wife and whatnot. If he makes you uncomfortable or starts sending those "intimate" vibes like he wants something of you.... stop and smile, and ask him how his wife or family is doing today ...get the picture?

You haven't done anything wrong. You might like him, he might like you. The point is he told you he was married. Don't take it any further. Do the responsible thing and drop it while there is still nothing to make of it. If not for work related environment protection, for the sanctity and respect of his marriage.

How would you feel if you were in her shoes? If he can flirt while he's married to her, he can sleep arond while he's in a committed relationship with you (had you guys ever built one... and, far be it from me to sound old fashioned, but why the interest in dating if not to weed out the possibilities of a committed relationship to begin with)

Either way this doesn't sound like someone that you would want to build a healthy and stable foundation with.
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:25 PM
 
21,893 posts, read 19,031,374 times
Reputation: 18005
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolepsy View Post
besides, i thought you were a lesbian? i thought i just read that on another thread? the one about jazz?
keen eye nicolepsy! I'm a big fan of your posts, keep 'em coming!
I was in a heterosexual marriage for 12 years, then dated women for 10 years and identified myself as a gay woman; currently and for the last 9 years I self-identify as bisexual, with recent dating being men.
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:30 PM
 
21,893 posts, read 19,031,374 times
Reputation: 18005
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagicTouch View Post
What would happen if you did have an encounter and she finds out, do you know how she would or would not react? Maybe she's not the sane type, maybe she is, what extent will she go to to protect her marriage. Just some things to think about .... Personally I would run the other direction ... Just my .02 cents ...
this is a great post too....no telling what sort of wacko nut case could be showing up out to get me...that's creepy and dangerous, hadn't even considered that. See I knew this was a bad idea, and you all are giving me great reasons to NOT GET INTO a slippery situation. Thank you! and I do appreciate the support I am getting, way cheaper and more fun then therapy plus if I do it on my "breaks" at work I even get paid for it!
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Old 12-07-2007, 03:34 PM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 2,629,346 times
Reputation: 511
i want to be you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DiamondD View Post
keen eye nicolepsy! I'm a big fan of your posts, keep 'em coming!
I was in a heterosexual marriage for 12 years, then dated women for 10 years and identified myself as a gay woman; currently and for the last 9 years I self-identify as bisexual, with recent dating being men.
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