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No. Don't grope my boob in front of my boss at the office or hump my leg when Im puking or want a bj when Im rocking a baby or stick your thing in my butt crack when Im sound asleep then make yourself unavailable when Im awake, not busy or in a non stress situation.
There HAS to be chemistry. If the chemistry is not there, nothing is going to make it work. That includes everything from negligees to Hawaii. Sex is more mental than it is physical anyway and starts WAY before the bedroom. SEX requires effort and total dedication.. One must know how to apply the effort. If one doesn't apply some chemistry or some sensuality, you might as well wash the car.
What does that mean, exactly? If they're a couple, there had to be SOME chemistry, right?
Lots of guys I talk to, myself included, we TRY. We TRY to see what our women like. They are often unable to answer, or unwilling to try anything new.
Your post relies on the supposition that the women aren't in the mood, but want to be and want to make an effort.
Many are perfectly happy NOT making the effort at all, even if their partners are trying.
I'm sure you know what I meant to say. There are plenty of married couples or individuals who wouldn't want to have sex but they reason that they should have sex this weeknight because there's nothing else to do that night and they haven't had sex the other days in a week or maybe even longer. I'd say this is what gradually kills sex desire for both because you can't engage in sex with someone when they do it just to place a check on their checklist of daily/weekly/monthly/yearly(?!?!) marital duties.
"Drive kids to school, go to work, wash dirty socks... oh what, we should have sex tonight, it's Friday and we skipped it last week. Married people need to have sex!"
I'm quite sure that plenty of people reason this way. Women may have more days when they aren't "willing", primarily because of things like menstruation cycles, pregnancy and related issues, post-pregnancy periods, etc.
I've seen some very extensive studies showing i.e. very, very strong correlation in skipping sex for a whole week with menstruation cycle/"menstruation week", so it's not like it doesn't matter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald
Please state which part do I need to elaborate, change font a bit to emphasize it.
I don't really know where to start… But I guess the bolded was the most baffling to me. Have you had a girlfriend before?
Yeah, it's a good thing you and your wife are in counseling, because nothing could be more wrong than what you just said, especially the last sentence.
If a man does not let his own emotional and intellectual growth stagnate, he'll always be able to show a woman something new.
That is actually a two-way street. If both partners don't put an effort into their own growth as well as the growth of the relationship, that is exactly how ruts are born.
Same for the physical. There is always something new to try. You just have to make the effort to look around. Plenty of books, articles, and websites devoted to it, and I'm not talking about porn.
If you and your wife are in a rut, it's your own fault, in the plural.
I get this, conceptually, but I don't know how to apply it in real life. Through counseling, we've done some things, both my suggestions and hers, to some level of success. Mostly things like weekend getaway, sans kids, etc. More date nights without an expectation of sex.
However, none of it is "new" - they're just things we haven't done in a long, long time. She's so uneasy about anything new.
One guy suggested I just show up in bed one night with a vibrator in my hand, promising to use it on her. She'd either run screaming or just laugh.
Nald,
Haven't heard of women being totally fine having sex during menstruation, all 9 months of pregnancy, post-pregnancy, and after the exhausting years of doing house chores and taking care of the baby/kid as many have expressed in this forum and outside on the many reasons why they stop having sex. But there are exceptions.
TimR76,
Is your wife on the pill by any chance? It can be one of the many causes in women to why they stop having sex as it can lower sex drive drastically.
TimR76,
Is your wife on the pill by any chance? It can be one of the many causes in women to why they stop having sex as it can lower sex drive drastically.
She was, then wasn't, didn't help.
Counseling is helping, but I still feel like it's "forced" for the most part on her part.
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