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If you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, you'll often hear something along the lines of "attractive, funny, outgoing, successful, etc.' But what exactly does 'successful' mean? Does it mean he's reached a certain income level? Does it mean he's now the boss of something? Does it mean he owns a home and no longer rents? Does it mean he's debt free? I realize the answer is going to vary and I'm hoping this doesn't escalate into gender bashing. But it seems like the word 'successful' is almost code for something else. Much like the word 'confident', no one will think less of you if you say you want someone who's confident. It's one of those safe words. Sounds great, but it's sufficiently broad that no one can really pin down exactly what you have in mind.
When I look at myself, I sometimes wonder if I meet the definition of 'successful' that these women subscribe to. I've been working steadily for nearly 2 decades in the same field, I have a good income that's more than enough to meet my needs, and except for a mortgage and car payment, I'm not carrying any debt. I don't still live at home with my parents. But I'm not a manager, I don't own my own business, and I don't have the kind of job title that really makes me stand out. So does that mean I'm not successful?
So for the men, how do you interpret it when a woman says she's looking for someone successful? Do you think it's a just nice way of saying she's a goldigger? Or do you see it in a positive light? For the women, how do you decide whether a man is successful? Is there some formula or litmus test that you apply? Is being successful a yes/no quality or do you feel it's more fluid than that? And if so, how do you measure it?
Sometimes "successful" is putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breath every moment of every day.
There are so many variables when it comes to humans and their individual dynamics. What is successful to one is not successful to another. Each background that comes with each human should be considered in my opinion. Obviously there are those humans whom will just rub you the wrong way for no particular reason, everyone has those. Then there are those that have many layers tucked away and one needs to stick around and explore those layers to see what surprises will be found.
I think women are all over the map in their definitions of successful - ask five women and in the fine print you'll get five definitions.
But I think if you could condense it to just one word, women would generally call that COMPETENCE - they're looking for someone who can competently handle the challenges of life, and solve problems as they come along.
Most of the time, when a woman says she wants a man that is successful then it typically means she wants him to be a good provider and have a great paying job. Whether or not she wants him to own his own business, or be the manager of something will vary.
In my opinion I think you are very successful compared to a lot of people. To me success means you are responsible, independent, know how the world works, you know what you need to do to survive, AND you are of course happy or emotionally stable at least. That is what I think true success is. Finding peace, happiness, and stability. When I like a guy, I don't really think about what he has or what he does. I don't really care about that stuff but I don't want him to just sit there not do anything. I strive for success and I would like him to at least try to as well (doesn't necessarily have to be my type of success, but his type of success.) You can't really live without a job and you can't depend on your parents all your life. My main goal in life is to find those three things in life, and I want a great career, so I don't have to worry about financial things too much.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I don't worry about other's definition of it as it is all over the place. I worry about my own in how I judge myself. It certainly isn't about money since I chose a low paying profession because it is something I care about deeply. Being able to work in your passion is success to me; even if it is a meager existence.
What is successful to one is not successful to another.
Which is why I think each person's definition of success says a lot about them. For example, I overheard a woman saying that a man who hasn't reached a 6 figure income by age 40 isn't successful. One woman I know even said her daughter would be a failure if she didn't get married by 35. Both of these examples speak volumes about the persons saying them.
In that context successful basically means he has a decent place to live, a job better than working a slurpee machine and perhaps has a nice car. Or some women it could just mean they are ambitious and have made some difference with their lives.
When I look at myself, I sometimes wonder if I meet the definition of 'successful' that these women subscribe to. I've been working steadily for nearly 2 decades in the same field, I have a good income that's more than enough to meet my needs, and except for a mortgage and car payment, I'm not carrying any debt. I don't still live at home with my parents. But I'm not a manager, I don't own my own business, and I don't have the kind of job title that really makes me stand out. So does that mean I'm not successful?
I am a woman and that is my definition of successful. Especially this:
I have a good income that's more than enough to meet my needs
For me, if you earn more than enough to meet your needs, then you are financially successful.
So financially you are ok, but personality wise, are you?
It's been my experience that the definition of "successful" to a woman means that he makes equal to or greater income than she does. Exceptions are made if the woman makes a LOT of money, or if the job/title is particularly attractive.
This relates to the above posters that mention "competence", "responsible", etc....a woman who has a job generally views herself as having these qualities, and so they use their income as a base by which to measure the "success" of a potential SO.
Personal definitions usually mean meeting personal expectations
General definitions usually mean good career, money (the basics)
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