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My wife and I haver been married for 36 years. We have three sons aged 35, 34 and 31 and three grandchildren. We've had our ups and downs like everybody and I admit I haven't been faithful the entire time. I've always had a hard time resisting an attractive woman and gave in to temptation many times.
Is there anything I could tell her to make her understand why I did this?
Again, for all those throwing stones at this man, let me recite the proven stats for you'all!!!!!!!!!!!!! 85% of men and 50% of women will cheat within the first ten years of a relationship or marriage. Proven to hold true via three long term studies on the topic. So based on these stats, that includes MANY of you judging this man for his actions. It's statistically impossible for none of you poiting at this man to have never cheated yourselves.
He's came here seeking advise. So if your advise is to play hindsight is 20/20, I'm sure he already knows this. He knows he messed up.
My advise to the original poster is to consider telling your wife with a very good marriage counselor involved and do so after meeting with him, or her first. Set a plan and realize, she might leave you. Women can be very forgiving, but not always. I say it takes two to cheat in MOST cases, not all. There are no excuses for it and I've done it myself and learned a very valued and hard lesson from it.
You need to be involved in your child's life or your conscience will really eat you alive. He comes first, your wife second, if that is salvageable. If she's been with you 36 years, you can bet your bottom dollar she knows you've cheated. Women know these things and often will look the other way if you keep it out of their face! Having a child with someone else is throwing it in her face in the worst way possible. So you have an uphill battle on your hands.
Thank you! Lots of people cheat(although I don't know if its as high as those stats) people in your family, friends, your co-workers, people in your church. They all cheat, they just don't get caught. Its easy for people to throw stones. I'm not going to demonize him for wanting to be with other women, men have been doing that since day one, I will demonize him for be dumb enough and reckless enough to get the other women pregnant.
Absolutely disgusting. Even if this is a troll post, there are a lot of people out there with similar stories.
Your wife is OWED the truth and she can decide whether she wants to spend more years of her life with a ungrateful deadbeat cheater. You don't deserve to keep her. Not to mention, she should get tested in case you passed on any STDs to her, seeing as you weren't smart enough to even bother with condoms. She gave you four decades of her life and this is how you repay her. How could you throw away a presumably loving marriage just for cheap sex? Why do people like you even bother getting married in the first place? Single people are free to sleep around all they want but you chose to give that up when you got married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
This is what I've never understood. Like in France, it seems to be fairly accepted that both parties have affairs throughout the marriage. Why bother getting married, then? It's a mystery.
Because believe it or not, some people get married for other reason besides being in love. Marriage can be beneficial financially and for raising children. Just because your married doesn't mean your eyes or penis stops working.
I don't know what "eras" have to do with it, exactly. Why should that make a difference? Prior generations didn't seem to have so much cheating. Why can't the same be true now? Just wondering.
Prior generations didn't talk about it, specifically women. Trust me it went on, women were less likely to divorce because of it. Our Grandparents generation stayed together no matter what.
@nearnorth: I was writing with the assumption that his wife is a normal person and not a sociopath. If that is the case, then in the unlikely event that the judge does not give him a fair share, she will do it herself.
Riiiiight. That's exactly how divorces go.
The only people who get their "fair share" (and then some) when finances are being split up by a divorce settlement are the lawyers.
OP, you should have let your wife go years ago, when you first began being overcome by temptation. After all, if you can have a little (or, apparently, a lot) of fun on the side, then I think it's only fair that your wife have been given the same opportunity. Don't imagine your marriage has been all fun and games for her, either. Probably far from it.
However, I don't know what else to tell you, and I don't feel sorry for you. I feel terrible for your wife (who wasted so many years with you), your grown sons, and your innocent 4-year-old.
You're now stuck between a rock and a hard place because you've clearly thought of no one else but yourself.
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