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3 months ago I started talking with this woman off of a dating site, I really dug her and was very interested in taking her to dinner. She lives out in South Jersey, which is a good hour and a half. I know it was far away, but we had so much in common and clicked right away. She told me she was very interested too. She asked me not to rush her in meeting so while I was disappointed, I respected her.
A called her once, texted her but never heard back..I thought she lost interest. She did get back to me after a few days telling me she met someone, fell in love and talked about moving to California. Perplexing but a little relieved that I didn't get involved with anyone who makes rash decisions. (I'm in NY btw) However I did respect her and wish her luck. Even kept her on my facebook since I thought she was pretty cool.
She was in NY 2 weeks ago, we met at a pub, had some fun...nothing happened...I respected the fact she was involved with someone...
Fast forward to now, her bf dumped her and now she wants to meet me for dinner. I was straight with her, I told her she needed to take some time as she was heart broken and on the rebound. She has lots of friends who are supporting her. She brought up the possibility of coming out here for a weekend, I just set the record straight and told her the truth. I told her I completely was into her at the time but I was put off by her "falling in love" with a guy 3000 miles away before giving me a chance to actually meet her, but what could i do, I respected her decision. I told her any woman I want to wind up with better think of me as the gold medal, not the silver or bronze..because I'd value the partner I wind up the same. She brought up our prior meeting a couple of weeks ago mentioning how much chemistry we have and I told her I was not comfortable with it.
I'm not being cruel...am I? I don't want to kick her when she's down but at the same time I don't want to mislead her by giving her false expectations. Now she's posting sad songs on facebook about being "screwed over." (Not in reference to me I'm sure, but she seems to have the actions of a 16 year old crushed girl instead of a 32 year old woman.)
Anyway, insight...as always would help. Thank you.
Her sad songs and "being screwed over" are sure signs of what you can expect if you get involved with her.
She sounds like the type who falls easily and just loves a good drama.
She also told me it was cruel of me to told her I was very interested at the time, and accused me of rubbing it in as if I'm punishing her...which I swear is not the case.
She also told me it was cruel of me to told her I was very interested at the time, and accused me of rubbing it in as if I'm punishing her...which I swear is not the case.
I think you gave her constructive feedback. This is not someone whose complaints you should take seriously. She clearly lacks good judgment.
No I don't, but it doesn't mean I'm cold hearted, and honestly I'm thinking that telling her why I wasn't interested may have been cruel, when I could have just said I wasn't dating or something like that.
She also told me it was cruel of me to told her I was very interested at the time, and accused me of rubbing it in as if I'm punishing her...which I swear is not the case.
I think she said that just to guilt you, and I think you made an excellent call. I suspect if you were to become romantically involved with this woman you would end up with a life filled with drama.
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No I don't, but it doesn't mean I'm cold hearted, and honestly I'm thinking that telling her why I wasn't interested may have been cruel, when I could have just said I wasn't dating or something like that.
People often demand to know why you're turning them down. If they're so insistent, they should be prepared for the truth. I think she needed to hear what you said. And because you hit the nail on the head, basically calling her out on her lack of judgment and flightiness, she's upset. You zeroed right in on her main flaw, so now she can't ignore it or pretend her problems are everyone else's fault.
Really, you don't need to spend any more time hand-wringing about this. It's her baggage, let her come to terms with it. I think you did her a favor.
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