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Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
dogs are one thing, and believe me, this was a beautiful post, and it makes me smile to hear of a good marriage like this one....but I know women who have had good marriages....
hmmm, let me say it this way....one of my friends lost her husband, it was very very hard, and I'm nearly bought to tears talking to you about it now....she went on medication, she went to group theropy...and she cried and cried....this was 3 years ago.....then one day, we were talking and she said, I remember creme telling me, that the longer I'm alone, the more I'll enjoy it...and I do...I really really do. I loved my husband, and my children, but now for the first time in my life, my life is my own, no more compromise.....and by the way, she lost her dog last year....and said, no more dogs either....she said, I'm free....and she says, I can now fly instead of drive, I'm not worried about getting home b/c of the dogs....etc.
You have to do what is best for you, what best suits your life....makes you the happiest, cuz it's YOUR life, and by God you deserve happiness....
darlin, I wouldn't worry about tomorrow, just wallow right now in today....and be thankful for it...cuz there are so many that don't have what you have, even married couples.....
sending hugs and thank yous for sharing.
Aw, thanks hun. *hugs back* And, thanks for your post as well.
Its reassuring that your friend found peace with her situation. Im truely happy for her. I can certainly understand what you mean about the freedom she found herself enjoying. I hope when and if that situation arises for either me or my husband, that we too can eventually achieve that too.
In the end, all any of us can do is live and love (even if its just ourselves) for today, as God doesnt promise anyone a tomorrow.
It's pretty simple. Those who have had good marriages would do it again. Those who did not would, understandably, be more hesitant.
Me? Assuming that I could pick myself up off the floor, I would. I'm better married than I was single.
You're a careful writer, so I have to appreciate this post. I noticed you said you are better married, not you are better off married.
Big difference, and one that counts. Marriage can bring out the best in people. Some folks are just cut out for it, and have the good fortune to meet others who are, too.
I guess to a point but I have heard from women (50+) who have had and are in good marriages still saying no more marriage for them. Not because they resented their husbands or doing things for their family but because they just want to finally live for themselves.
I adore my husband, but this ^^^ if something ever happened to him. And we've been together since we were teenagers and are now almost 60.
I guess to a point but I have heard from women (50+) who have had and are in good marriages still saying no more marriage for them. Not because they resented their husbands or doing things for their family but because they just want to finally live for themselves.
Indeed, don't know where some of these people are getting that only people who have been in bad marriages would never do it again, I believe this was covered early on in this thread? But, then, like me, I don't always read the entire thread, and sometimes we only focus on the bad, and don't hear or read the good?
Anyway, as stated before, I have several women friends who have had very good and fulfilling marriages...but they've stated, while they miss their husbands, one, they would never do it again, b/c they'd never find someone like him, and /or two, as you said, they never resented taking care of their kids and husband, but now they are able to live life for them and there is nothing, nothing wrong about that....
I found when I was dating men who had lost their partners....they were not looking for a partner, they were looking for a replacement, b/c they had to be married....and all they did was talk about their lost love....who could compete with that? Who would ever want to live with a ghost? And, they would have expected me to be just like her.....Not me....no thank you, and it became apparent, they wanted a maid not a wife.....one fella called me and the entire conversation was about how he built up his business and how much land and money he had, never once asked me a single question about me? No thank you.
You're a careful writer, so I have to appreciate this post. I noticed you said you are better married, not you are better off married.
Big difference, and one that counts. Marriage can bring out the best in people. Some folks are just cut out for it, and have the good fortune to meet others who are, too.
We had a dog for 17 years that we had to put down. It killed us to do it, but we said we would never get another one because nothing could replace him - and, also because we could now travel in airplanes instead of vehicles; sleep in high-end hotels instead of shabby motels and camp grounds; and eat like human beings at a table instead of out of drive-thrus. The point of this seemingly non-related paragraph will soon follow.
I have been with the same person since I was 18 (34 years today). I always knew we were meant to be together, no matter what, since the day I met him. We have always had each others back. I truely believe nothing could replace him, and my biggest fear is that since he is more than a decade older than me, that one day I will be forced to live on without him. I dont want anyone but him, and when talking on the subject one day about who would go first, I just looked at him really sad and said, "Can't we go together?"
I dont resent or regret ever doing anything for him. I know he loves me, and doesnt resent or regret having to do anything for me. There have been times that I was the only one working, and times that he was the only one working - it doesnt matter, as long as we are together. I dont want or need anyone else. I can easily say that now.
Now, back to the dog - we were walking around randomly crying after we put him down. We kept absentmindedly reaching to pet a dog that wasnt there, and finally he looked at me and said, "I cant take it anymore. I know what I said, but I need a dog." We ran right out to the animal shelter and got a new dog.
The new dog didnt replace the old dog - he couldnt. He wasnt the same dog. They both had different personalities, and those little idiosyncracies that endear someone or something to you were completely opposite of each other. What he did do was fill that painful void that the dog before him left gaping in us. There was a new furball to love us and make us laugh.
I cant see easily replacing my husband. I really cant even imagine it, but who knows what the future has for him or me. I can adamantly and confidently say now that I wouldnt get another one, but just like the dog, in reality the pain of no longer having him could send me rushing right out to get another husband regardless of how I feel about it now.
What a wonderful, wonderful story of love. You have mimicked my wife's words, words she has said to me on many occasions. I know if something happened to my wife I would be lonely, but I would rather be lonely than live with someone that feels like so many of the women who have written posts on this thread. My wife has said many times we were "meant for each other" and that it is how things were meant to be. I don't know that is true, but it matters not. Marriages take work, but when it is done with love in your heart, it is oh, so easy. I do whatever I can do, to help her and keep her happy. I doesn't hurt me to cook, clean and do laundry, I did it all before she came into my life, there is no reason to quit. Her smile is worth the effort...
Agreed. It can also bring out the worst. My sister was a complete biatch after being married 5 years to her first husband. I couldn't believe the yelling and screaming...I remember standing in their living room and telling them both to shut up. And they were head over heels in love when they got married. But being married put a magnifying glass on their differences, and it just couldn't work.
My sister with her 2nd husband is a different person entirely. 180 degrees different. They are great together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
Some folks are just cut out for it, and have the good fortune to meet others who are, too.
Agreed. I know I'm not cut out for it. I think at one point in my life I was, but I have spent too many years on my own to have any desire to do things differently. I love my boyfriend - he's a great guy. And luckily, he feels the same way I do. Maybe when we reach the tottering age we might change our minds ...but for now, we are happiest being a couple that lives apart.
What a wonderful, wonderful story of love. You have mimicked my wife's words, words she has said to me on many occasions. I know if something happened to my wife I would be lonely, but I would rather be lonely than live with someone that feels like so many of the women who have written posts on this thread. My wife has said many times we were "meant for each other" and that it is how things were meant to be. I don't know that is true, but it matters not. Marriages take work, but when it is done with love in your heart, it is oh, so easy. I do whatever I can do, to help her and keep her happy. I doesn't hurt me to cook, clean and do laundry, I did it all before she came into my life, there is no reason to quit. Her smile is worth the effort...
Hi Nite Ryder, I'm so happy you hae a great companion, however, I believe your missing the whole point...you can be alone, but never feel lonely. You tend to fill up your life with other positive actions, and you don't stop socializing or going places b/c you are by yourself....actually, you learn to enjoy it, b/c now, you don't have to worry about giving up anything, as you can do as you wish, get up when you want, go to the beach if you want, or read, without worrying if your mate wants to talk, or go somewhere else.
you see, and this is why this thread is so good for men to read, if they can read between the lines....marriages do take a whole lot of work, but as you say, when there is companionship and two people communicate without worry of the other taking your discussions or hurts as an insult and getting all angry and starting world war 3, then it works, or one person just gives in and doesn't say much any longer....that isn't a marriage. That is not being compatible, that is existing...
but being alone can be just as rewarding as being with someone in a good marriage.
I believe it is important for people to also wake up, and be aware of the fact that other people including our mates, have wants and needs and desires, which doesn't mean they don't love us, but sometimes two people need to let go and allow the other one to excel, if they want to go to college, get out there and work or do any kind of volunteer work, or go to the shore for the weekend or week with the girls, or go golfing with the guys....that it's ok to do that and to now allow someone their life, is to stagnate them and make them unhappy, and a very selfish way to treat the one you supposidly love.
I've heard people say, "oh he or she doesn't want to go", Bull, it's just that they are now in a rut, and you control the marriage. Oh, yes, there are a few who don't want to go, but for the most part, most couples need to get away from each other for a few days, you come back with such a different perspective and positive reinforcement to now add to the marriage.
anyway, so glad your post sparked this reply....thank you and thank you for sharing.
Agreed. It can also bring out the worst. My sister was a complete biatch after being married 5 years to her first husband. I couldn't believe the yelling and screaming...I remember standing in their living room and telling them both to shut up. And they were head over heels in love when they got married. But being married put a magnifying glass on their differences, and it just couldn't work.
My sister with her 2nd husband is a different person entirely. 180 degrees different. They are great together.
Agreed. I know I'm not cut out for it. I think at one point in my life I was, but I have spent too many years on my own to have any desire to do things differently. I love my boyfriend - he's a great guy. And luckily, he feels the same way I do. Maybe when we reach the tottering age we might change our minds ...but for now, we are happiest being a couple that lives apart.
Enjoyed reading
I loved marriage and enjoyed being a couple, however, now, you couldn't pay me to do so, and not only b/c I'm bitter, but because I've had this independence and wouldn't trade it for the world.
Yanno, my one girlfriend, took care of her husband for 8 years, while he was sick....and when you get that sick and loose your independence, you become miserable and angry but you hate, hate, hate the fact that you can no longer wash yourself, or go to the bathroom alone, let alone take off for a ride in the car and walk normally without a walker ever again. But, for the caregiver, it's even worse... and there were times she had to come over to my home, to just get away from it for a few minutes, b/c he got so nasty and miserable, and she understood, but imagine seeing the person you love, slowly drift away into being nasty and hitting. So, no way will she ever marry again, and yanno, no matter how good their marriage was before this all happened, let me tell you, you remember only the last few years, more vividly then any other time in your marriage...and she doesn't regret any thing, and yes, it could have been her, but that doesn't overpower the fact of it...and living it.
I loved marriage and enjoyed being a couple, however, now, you couldn't pay me to do so, and not only b/c I'm bitter, but because I've had this independence and wouldn't trade it for the world.
I know you are, and I wish that was not your reason, but I understand. I am not, nor have I ever been, bitter. I've had some great times with my relationships. But yeah, no desire to go back to anything or change my world.
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And they were head over heels in love when they got married. But being married put a magnifying glass on their differences, and it just couldn't work. 
...but for now, we are happiest being a couple that lives apart.
But yeah, no desire to go back to anything or change my world. 
