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Old 04-18-2014, 01:53 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,583,228 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Not every divorced woman takes a man to the cleaners. You know that, right? I could have attached a few of my ex's things to my divorce, including a retirement fund, and my attorney encouraged me to pursue a clause stating that when he came into a large sum of money that he would pay me back for supporting him, etc., because his grandfather was loaded and he stood to inherit a nice piece of change. But my ex and I were adults about the whole thing, and agreed to leave the marriage with what we came into it.
Same here. When I met my ex he was a HS dropout. I supported him while he got his BFA and started his business which we built up together for 20 years. Now he is world-renowned in his creative field.

My attorney told me I could take half of his business when we divorced, but I didn't have the heart for it. I couldn't do that to a guy I once loved. We did mediation instead and the only thing he had to pay was child support. I bought him out of the house ($50K cash, gulp) so I could live there and he could buy a new one for his girl friend.

I am the best ex wife ever. That's why he married me!
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Ever hear the phrase "a man's work is from sun to sun, a woman's work is never done?"

I'm not in your marriage, so I don't know what it's like in terms of the division of labor. I also don't know how old you are and what generation you're in. Nor am I talking about the men's side of this. I'm a woman, in my late 40s, my sister who is single is 57, my other two sisters are 56 and 61, my friends range in age from early 30s to early 70s, and I am sharing their side of it and mine.

Believe me, I know the reasons men would want to remain single. Plenty of posts on C-D explaining it. I also have male friends. But it does seem to me that the reasons men would want to remain single are not gender-specific. Women don't want anyone telling them how to spend their money, either, or have to worry about answering to anyone else when they make plans to do things. But I've never heard a man say that he would eschew marriage because he didn't want to be a caregiver, cook for someone else, or pick up after someone else, and that's because men, by and large, are not expected to fill those roles the way women are.
if I could I'd give you more reps for this, but I can't so I won't.
But I certainly feel the same way.....

and to the lady above who loves being by herself so she can fart....
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:39 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning View Post
Single, Divorced, Older Folks - Would you marry again?

I think it depends on your marriage experience. I'm sure those who were divorced because they were cheated on, abused in any way, in short, bad marriage most likely would never marry again.

But those who were widowed and in general had a long happy marriage most likely will have no prob re marrying. Like my father, when my mother passed away it only took him short time and re married.

When I almost divorced, I really thought marriage was a joke. Because I almost divorced my husband of merely 2 months. Now my marriage is OK. We worked on our marriage so we are still together. I of course would like it to be like my parents marriage like LITERALLY til death do us part.

But if for some reason, we broke up, or he dies before me. I have a feeling I won't marry again. I would just be okay with live in arrangements. Or weekend rendezvous relationship.
well, contrary to this post, I have friends that were married and in good marriages, they will tell you that, but they totally enjoy their new found freedom now. Oh, they would date, but never ever live with another man....once your alone, you discover, your not really alone, and I will say this, we gals have so much fun together that sometimes, they won't go out on a date b/c they would rather spend their night with us gals....me I won't date at all any more...some guys I dated were really nice human beings, but I just would rather be alone. And shortly after I left my ex, a male friend of mine who had been a friend since 7th grade told me, the longer your alone the more you'll enjoy it....b/c your not really alone.

And yes, marriage, any relationship is a lot of work and always a work in progress, however, I don't want to work that hard again...lol, seriously, I've become to comfortable in my own skin and I couldn't stand someone following me around....

as far as rendezvous, well, I can take off all by myself, and fly anywhere I want, and am happy doing so...I don't need a man in my life to feel whole, complete, or satisfied....love people, love meeting people, once I was vacationing by the ocean and I met a couple, boy were they wonderful people, and they invited me to go to dinner with them, so I did, and we had a great time, you don't ever meet to many couples whose wife would do that, she was special. A very kind human being, but I've met so many people traveling on my own.
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:41 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Ive been divorced now for nearly 20 years. I love being single. It took me a while to get to this point. The longer I am single, the pickier I get about the people I let into my life. In my 30's and maybe even 40's, I looked at every new man that I met as a possible, potential, mate. I found myself compromising in order to hopefully be a part of a couple. Now that Ive been single this long, it would take an extraordinarily special man for me to even consider, and I dont think they are out there. Im not sure I would want one to be.

I truly value my space now; no demands, no pressures, no stress, no drama. Im diggin it.
yes, indeed on the pickier part, don't ya wish you knew then what you know now....and had that confidence....it is very rewarding....
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
I can't find a post where he said or implied this. I think it's fair to conclude that BOTH genders are guilty of becoming "no-good and needy". For every ex-wife you can find that feels that way, I can find an ex-husband. To imply that there's a significant majority one way or the other is just ignorant.
yes, both genders are guilty, I believe we've touched base on that and have said to other posters, this is my point of view, nothing against males, and not all males are bad ones, Gosh, we are simply expressing how we feel, doesn't mean you need to feel that way or that the other gender are bad people....and no one is implying that there is a significant majority one way or the other....

In my circle of female friends, they all say, nothing against marriage...but...they would never do it again and they loved their husbands, but you don't seem to want to read and understand....

And I'm sure there are many men, not all but many who feel this very same way....

Nothing against marriage, but I've been a care giver all my life....now, it's my turn, and honestly, most men become ill quicker...not all, but it is a proven scientific fact that men do become ill, and need a whole lot of care giving....and I was the care giver for my mother. She was the most wonderful woman in the whole wide world, but when she became sickly for years, something happens to that human being, a whole lot of negative emotions from loosing their independence, and men become the same way....you can't blame them, but some get very very angry and nasty, and it hurts, regardless of the gender, let me tell you, not to mention it is hard work being a care giver...very very hard work, and extremely painful, both mentally and physically, so....

I don't know why, but in every single thread, there is always someone who comes in all fired up and angry taking posts personal...and it is so un-necessary.....no one is hammering any gender here, we each have our own feelings about marriage, and that's perfectly ok, doesn't mean you have to think and feel the same way, doesn't make you right or wrong and no one but no one is pointing a finger at the entire male population.
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Hopefully I won't need to make that decision for many years, but if I were single again I wouldn't remarry.

The companionship/intimacy/security is nice but I wouldn't rush out to find a replacement. I'd foster my network of friends, instead. And I'd date several men casually, like I did in the old days.
and can you give your reasons why Ellie? Just cuirous....is all....

I believe for the most part, women are stronger then men, and once they get a good taste of freedom they realize the importance of personal growth in all things....and love it....
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Same here. When I met my ex he was a HS dropout. I supported him while he got his BFA and started his business which we built up together for 20 years. Now he is world-renowned in his creative field.

My attorney told me I could take half of his business when we divorced, but I didn't have the heart for it. I couldn't do that to a guy I once loved. We did mediation instead and the only thing he had to pay was child support. I bought him out of the house ($50K cash, gulp) so I could live there and he could buy a new one for his girl friend.

I am the best ex wife ever. That's why he married me!
yes you are, and will probably be best friends b/c you are the way you are, when my 1st husband and I broke up, we remained good friends for years, like we were in high school....and we had a son together....so? But, we were not in love with each other....but we loved each other....and still do, and always will....but he married a very insecure nut job and she caused severe problems, with my son, she was cruel and ugly to him when he was little....and hated me, was and still is to this day very jealous of me? Why I will never know....but what a nut job...he had dated a gal whom I really liked, we got along very well, and told her I'd be honored to have her be my son's step mom, but he ended up marrying her best friend, why? Unfortunately that was the way he was, the moment some one showed an interest in him, he'd leave the gal he was with for the other gal....and he got exactly what he bargined for...believe me...he gave a whole new meaning to the song, "Love the one your with".

He never cheated after that, why? Because she set her hooks out for him b/c he had and has money...very wealthy, and if they'd divorce, she would take him for everything she could get, believe me. Once when my son was little, he came home and said, "mommie, does my daddy have a whole lot of money?" I said, "yes, he is very wealthy, why", he said, "well, when we sat down to dinner, step mom said in front of every one, when you die, I'll be a very rich woman". Can you believe that?

So, you are a very fine lady and woman, for being who you are and feeling as you do, and don't ever allow anyone else to tell you differently.
Hugs.
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Old 04-18-2014, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Durham, NC
3,576 posts, read 10,605,934 times
Reputation: 2289
Originally, I would've said no. I thought that the failure of my marriage was my fault and that I should've done more to keep the marriage together. Over time I've come to the realization that what happened was inevitable and that I had to stop feeling guilty for what happened.

So, now, the answer is a huge yes. I miss everything about having a partner to share my life with. I have a hard time handling being alone all of the time. I hate having to go for days and even weeks on end with no one to talk to. Everything I've ever wanted to do in life I still can't do because I can't afford to.
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Old 04-18-2014, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I've only read the first page, but I'm sure there's dudes on here who can relate. I was in a 4 year relationship in my 20's, followed by a 2 year relationship in my early 30's. Neither of those women was right for me, but I still thought I could meet "the one". Then I met her, the woman I thought was the one. Dated her for 3 years and then married her. Biggest mistake of my life. At 40, got divorced and went into a deep depression (I didn't want the divorce). Was unemployed and unhappy for well over 2 years. Finally left the house I was married in and moved across the country for a new job. I do really well financially, but now I worry about not being able to retire after the great recession and divorce drained me. The women I meet out here want to be stay at home moms. If I did that, I'd end up broke, as the woman would surely leave me and take everything. I can't risk it, and I no longer trust women after what my ex-wife did to me. Plus, dating has changed so much with the internet that I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. Better to just give up on the dream of a family now. Sad, but true. A bad choice in my 30's cost me my future. I can't get it back.
yanno, reading this gives me chills and makes me sad....there are people who can be married and enjoy it, and it sounds like you'd be one of them, however, I sympathize with how you feel and certainly understand....but hopefully someday, you will meet the right person. I have a plumber who is such a nice kind hearted man. He said at one time, he felt the very same way that I do, wasn't dating, wasn't looking and boom, he meets his bride to be.

I believe with all my heart, if we as single people get our heads on straight, and really take a good long look at ourselves....for instance, for a long time I blamed my husbands, he beat me up mentally and physically, he was no good, he ran around, but then one day, and honestly this happened. I was on vacation by myself, to the islands, sitting there watching the sunset over the ocean, and it came to me....all of a sudden, I asked myself, "why did you choose those men"? Then it became all about me, and sometimes it's very hard to accept certain things about yourself, but I did, and realized, I made those choices, I gravitated towards men who I didn't deserve, WHY? Took a long time to figure it ouit, but I did, and then I began realizing, I didn't have to be in a relationship to be successful, or marry b/c my family or society dictates you have to be married to be successful....and it all came together, and I started honestly liking myself, who I am, and realizing, if it hadn't been for those hard times, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today....and to tell you the truth, I dispise weakness or a person who is clingy, or insecure...who is hateful and cruel to others, and controlling people....I just can't be around them....so you become very selective, not only in your friends, but also, in your dating....you learn to ask questions, b/c now you know what you need in your life, and you realize, companionship should compliment you, so you look for someone who fits your needs and desires, someone who is mentally compatible...so, don't give up, just be very selective. Doesn't hurt to date...have dinners, etc, if you like.
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Old 04-18-2014, 06:15 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,839 posts, read 30,065,940 times
Reputation: 19011
Quote:
Originally Posted by superk View Post
Originally, I would've said no. I thought that the failure of my marriage was my fault and that I should've done more to keep the marriage together. Over time I've come to the realization that what happened was inevitable and that I had to stop feeling guilty for what happened.

So, now, the answer is a huge yes. I miss everything about having a partner to share my life with. I have a hard time handling being alone all of the time. I hate having to go for days and even weeks on end with no one to talk to. Everything I've ever wanted to do in life I still can't do because I can't afford to.
Hi there, thanks for joining in, but if I were you, and please do not take this the wrong way, stay alone until you start to enjoy being alone, and there are reasons why I say that.

You need to learn to be alone first, and be self sufficent, and independent of anyone...you need to first enjoy going places on your own.

What I did was set up weekend getaways for myself....I didn't go to far at first, but each time I went, it was a new and exciting journey...until I actually starting flying and going away on vacations....honestly, you will have to push yourself at first, like going out to eat all alone with a book, and set up a to do list, doing the things you've always dreamed of doing. Believe me, you are not alone and when you begin to realize that, and enjoy the company you keep, being comfortable in your own skin, they you will wisely chose a partner that is more suitable for you...why, b/c your going to be more selective, you won't be nearly as hungry or desperate to have someone in your life, so you chose the first one who comes along....

Been there done that....and hooking up with someone b/c you cannot afford it, isn't any reason to marry or be with someone....bad very bad mistake. If you want something bad enough, you'll work for it. I took a part time job just so I could save for vacations.....
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