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Old 04-21-2014, 05:12 PM
MJ7 MJ7 started this thread
 
6,221 posts, read 10,708,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
The OP doesn't have to marry anyone to have babies. His problem is that he's narrowing his prospects WAY down, because few women will agree to raising a family without commitment in the form of a ring and a document. They're are some out there who will do that, but the chances that they'll be compatible with him are slim. So he's setting himself up to look for compatibility out of an extremely restricted pool of candidates. That's what people here have been trying to tell him.

It would be so much easier for him to get therapy for his issues relating to divorce and marriage, so he can increase his chances of finding the right woman.

But...whatever. :-/
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
How is marriage "buying" someone? (Don't forget, she has to buy you a ring, too.)
First and foremost it isn't a problem, it is what and how I feel.

Secondly, marriage is buying...not monetarily speaking but you do invest your life into someone else. That same investment can be made without marriage.

 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:13 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,788,364 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJ7 View Post
It's common knowledge that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is also common knowledge that many people can't afford to get a divorce and thus wait for a long period of time remaining married but not together.
Again, no big fan of divorce... also no big fan of urban legends.

The Myth of the High Rate of Divorce | Psych Central
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/he...divo.html?_r=0
Fifty Percent of American Marriages End in Divorce-Fiction!

That 50% number is based on what a reporter said who couldn't do math

Quote:

]Demographers say there was increased focus on divorce rates during the 1970s when the number of divorces rose, partly as a result of no-fault divorce. Divorces peaked in 1979 and articles started appearing that claimed 50 percent of American marriages were ending in divorce.
]
A spokesperson for the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics told me that the rumor appears to have originated from a misreading of the facts. It was true, he said, if you looked at all the marriages and divorces within a single year, you'd find that there were twice as many marriages as divorces. In 1981, for example, there were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. At first glance, that would seem like a 50-percent divorce rate.

Virtually none of those divorces were among the people who had married during that year, however, and the statistic failed to take into account the 54 million marriages that already existed, the majority of which would not see divorce.



 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:13 PM
MJ7 MJ7 started this thread
 
6,221 posts, read 10,708,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
MJ7, maybe you haven't met a woman that you liked enough.
You are spot on, I have yet to meet the one. But I feel like I'm inching ever closer to being prepared to meet her.
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:16 PM
MJ7 MJ7 started this thread
 
6,221 posts, read 10,708,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Again, no big fan of divorce... also no big fan of urban legends.

The Myth of the High Rate of Divorce | Psych Central
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/he...divo.html?_r=0
Fifty Percent of American Marriages End in Divorce-Fiction!

That 50% number is based on what a reporter said who couldn't do math


The average age of a woman getting married in the United States is 27. " Bride's Magazine

The average age of a man getting married in the United States is 29. " Bride's Magazine

88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate who is waiting for them. " University Wire, Louisiana State University

59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years. The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older. " "Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States," M.D. Bramlett and W.D. Mosher

60 percent of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. " National Center for Health Statistics

50 percent of all marriages in which the brides are 25 or older result in a failed marriage. " National Center for Health Statistics

65 percent of altar-bound men and women live together before getting married. " Bride's Magazine

Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. " The Boston Herald


A recent study on cohabitation concluded that after five to seven years, only 21 percent of unmarried couples were still living together. " The Boston Herald


55 percent of cohabitating couples get married within five years of moving in together. Forty percent of couples who live together break up within that same time period. " Annual Review of Sociology

Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry, and an even higher risk if the person they marry comes from a divorced home. One study found that when the wife alone had experienced a parental divorce, her odds of divorce increased to 59 percent. When both spouses experienced parental divorce, the odds of divorce nearly tripled to 189 percent. " Journal of Marriage and the Family

The likelihood that a woman will eventually marry is significantly lower for those who first had a child out of wedlock. By age 35, only 70 percent of all unwed mothers are married in contrast to 88 percent of women who have not had a child out of wedlock. " "Finding a Mate? The Marital and Cohabitation Histories of Unwed Mothers," Lawrence L. Wu and Barbara Wolfe



SOURCE: Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Marriage and Divorce: The Statistics
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R.Shackleford View Post
Thankfully, guys are becoming smarter than this. OP seems to have his head on straight in this regard.

Do you actually have a concrete benefit that men receive in marriage? Or another reason why they should do it?
If the woman's a home owner, he gets to move in to her house, and he has the right to 50% of whatever gets paid in mortgage from the time they're married and he moves in. If they're not married, he's just a tenant (if he helps w/the mortgage) or a squatter (if he doesn't contribute), and can get thrown out with just the shirt on his back if they break up.
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:26 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,788,364 times
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Let me put it this way...

OP, you are so concerned about marrying a woman who is really just after money and is therefore evil and manipulative and just wants to divorce you that you are overlooking that if you have children with such a woman (even if you aren't married), she will still be evil and manipulative and could very well take your children from you depending on the laws of your state. Again, I am not saying you should (or shouldn't) get married. I am saying, don't make knee jerk assumptions and base your fears off urban legends... really dig into things and find out what your rights will and won't be in every situation.
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:28 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MJ7 View Post
You are spot on, I have yet to meet the one. But I feel like I'm inching ever closer to being prepared to meet her.
When you actually meet the right person - it might change your opinions on a lot of things. First of all - the divorce rate isn't 50% - it's less than that and it is dropping. And the divorce rate is not consistent across the board for people of all ages, education levels, socioeconomic class, etc. If you are a bit older (meaning late 20's or so - not 70's) and educated - your divorce rate is going to be much lower. Getting married is a HUGE step and shouldn't be taken lightly. You aren't taking it lightly - and that's a good thing. But to be afraid of something isn't a good thing either.

Having children is the biggest responsibility a person can have. And for a woman - it's even bigger. That's not sexist - it's just the truth. Women carry the babies and give birth. You can impregnate a woman, walk away, and never have to deal with them again. A woman doesn't have that option. There is adoption - but she still has to carry the child for 9 months - and it's not easy. I'm sure there are women out there that will have children with men that they are not married to - but I'm sure that most women would prefer to be married first. Think of marriage as a way of letting the mother of your children know that you plan to be there for her and your children through life's journey together - that you are letting them know that your family comes first and you will be there for them. Marriage, when it's done right, is a WONDERFUL thing - not a prison sentence. If you marry the woman you are in love with - it's saying that you are going to get to spend the rest of your life side by side with the love of your life.

Yes, there are lots of children born out of wedlock. But how many of those children do you think were planned? And yes - there are lots of single moms out there - but how many of them do you think WANTED to be single moms? How many women WANT to raise a child by themselves? Honestly, I bow down to these women. I don't know how I would do it with out my husband. We are a team - and by myself, I would be having a much, much harder time.

I do know of some couples that have had children out of wedlock - but I don't know any couples that PLANNED to have children out of wedlock. Most of them got married after the fact. I think I have one friend (that I'm not that close with - she's closer to some of my other friends) that is still unmarried and still with the father of their child. She's a lawyer and he's a pilot - so they are very successful. They were engaged and maybe still are - or maybe they are married now - but marriage was never that important to her. But she's pretty much the only person I know that didn't care about being married even though she has a child.
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:32 PM
MJ7 MJ7 started this thread
 
6,221 posts, read 10,708,428 times
Reputation: 6606
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Let me put it this way...

OP, you are so concerned about marrying a woman who is really just after money and is therefore evil and manipulative and just wants to divorce you that you are overlooking that if you have children with such a woman, she will still be evil and manipulative and could very well take your children from you depending on the laws of your state. Again, I am not saying you should (or shouldn't) get married. I am saying, don't make knee jerk assumptions and base your fears off urban legends... really dig into things and find out what your rights will and won't be in every situation.
Wait a minute, you assume and then you tell me not to assume? That's a huge oxymoron.
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:34 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 6,788,364 times
Reputation: 5833
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJ7 View Post
Wait a minute, you assume and then you tell me not to assume? That's a huge oxymoron.
Yeah, you are right I assumed you were concerned with the money aspect of possible divorce. If it's not that, what exactly are you afraid of with divorce? Most of the things I can think of (like the heartache) are things that will still exist even if you don't get married. So what is it about divorce that you are afraid of exactly?
 
Old 04-21-2014, 05:36 PM
MJ7 MJ7 started this thread
 
6,221 posts, read 10,708,428 times
Reputation: 6606
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
Yeah, you are right I assumed you were concerned with the money aspect of possible divorce. If it's not that, what exactly are you afraid of with divorce? Most of the things I can think of (like the heartache) are things that will still exist even if you don't get married. So what is it about divorce that you are afraid of exactly?
Hurting the children. Money can always be replaced, emotions can't. I'm not assuming it would be easier separating when not married, but it might make things easier on the kids and the couple.
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