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You being the woman have much more control of the dating situation than you think. As a woman you could just go to a social venue and wait to be hit on and see if the men that are hitting on you are to your liking, if so then your done yay.
If that does not get the results you want then you might want to try doing what men have to do. This is how it works, you shoot high at first (degreed professional with a nice house and good looks, what have you). If you continue to get rejected by men you would view as a long shot then you ratchet down your expectations until you start finding men who are interested back.
You should sit and think about your bare bones requirements that you wont go below no matter what (good sex, honest, some kind of job or what ever is a bare bones deal breaker for you).
In my personal experience if your willing to make some sacrifices in the physical attractiveness department you can add several other things from you list and still be successful. Its totally worth shaving a point or 2 off the physical attractiveness scale for someone who is kinky in bed (at least for me), for me there is nothing worse than someone who is lame in bed.
So your "league" is basically anyone who is willing to have a serious relationship with you and your goal is to find the top of your league. Figuring out YOUR league is more of an art than a science.
Having a kid is not a big deal unless you cant manage to juggle kid stuff and seeing your new man. Most men wont stick around if they keep getting blown off (not in a good way) because junior has this that and the other going on so you need to find a baby sitter you trust and is reliable or a network of family members etc. Because if a guy has to keep taking a back seat to the kid then he will walk away and find a woman that can spend time with him, most importantly quality frequent alone time without the kid. 2 hrs on sat once a week is not going to cut it.
Thanks heaps. Your advice has been pretty good : .
Geesh, just writing this all out is helping me to piece together the mess in my head.
I've always disagreed with the whole concept of 'high', because for me, there is no 'high', just compatible or incompatible, attractive or not. However, I do believe society can impose a few ranks here and there, and this is what I am trying to figure out right now. Of course, the most important thing is to be a genuinely good person, but I just want to know how things work a little bit more.
I don't care for looks, although they don't hurt. Plus, apparently my idea of good looking has been called ugly by most women I know, so...
I don't care about money. At all. I do care about gambling addiction, debt etc., but not money per se. I also don't like shrewd guys, not because I am a gold digger, but because I am a very giving person and will lend money if I trust the person, so a behaviour different to this really isn't very attractive to me. This does not mean I am right and that they are wrong; it just means that I am not attracted to that sort of money hording behaviour. I'm not talking savings here; I'm talking scrounging every penny when you have a huge pay check and walking around in clothing that has holes in it.
I DO care about intelligence and similar values. And this is where I fall down. I am Christian and quite conservative on social matters, and quite left wing in economic matters, so already, I've cut A LOT of people out already.
And whenever I do find a guy like that, ALWAYS, one hundred percent of the time so far, though I haven't really being out much - they are college educated and doing extremely well for themselves. And we end up having a lot in common in terms of interests and what we like/belief/think/have experienced.
But unfortunately, that means they have money.
Which means that my 'social status' isn't going to be looked upon favourably by those AROUND them, because they are so 'prized' by society.
So I guess; I don't feel like I have any problem attracting men when I do meet them, which is very very rarely, not really looks wise, but if we end up having a conversation or something. It's explaining the rest, that which society might see as downgrading, or 'red flags', which I think might present a potential problem, even when I am working again. It's also about them seeing me in a serious light, and I wonder if any intelligent man will see me for me, and then weigh that up against low social status and immediate family, and decide in favour of seeing me for me.
But you're right, the time constraint is the biggest issue here, and I doubt I'll just be able to find enough time.
Thanks for that.
Helped me to figure out the stuff going on in my head.
Poverty should scare you, I think going hungry would suck or not having shelter. I don't know if you watch the news but the welfare programs are either going to go away or we are going to go bankrupt as a country and its happening fast. I was reading that there could be a significant devaluation in the dollar this july.
Only in cushy first world nations will people chose coddling children as opposed to working and surviving. Just be aware that things are happening fast in our world right now, hopefully nothing comes of it but you really should be worried about poverty, poverty is not good for you or your kids.
Very few things scare me. Poverty is just another obstacle to be overcome, strategically and without flinging everything in terror and grabbing at the next available job that may or may not be strategically sound for the long run. You lose a little, you gain a little, if they close a door, you find a window, if they bar the windows, you drill a hole. I'll be hopefully getting a job in my new field in June. The field I am going into gets more and more competitive towards the top, but one of the few safe jobs to take at the bottom ranks. Hence my going to technical college first. Strategy.
I am not coddling my children, I am raising them into emotionally and psychologically resilient human beings. At this stage of their development, they need me. If they were malnourished, my priorities would change; currently, I am juggling this quite skilfully, it'll be a balancing act for the next two years, how to survive.
Off topic, we are not going bankrupt because of welfare, that is a lie to keep us further enslaved to the one percent of rich, I am not saying that because I love welfare and also welfare for the poor is not a big expenditure compared to the other things the government spends on, this is lies that we have been fed by the federal reserve through the corporate controlled media, which is governed by men we do not know much about and have never met, yet they have power over the government, but the government has no power over them. The way the debt ceiling is set up, we are never supposed to hit it - that would bring the whole system crashing. I know quite a bit about this, but I'll save that talk for the politics section of the board. Told you I'm a lefty, with good basis for it though.
And whenever I do find a guy like that, ALWAYS, one hundred percent of the time so far, though I haven't really being out much - they are college educated and doing extremely well for themselves. And we end up having a lot in common in terms of interests and what we like/belief/think/have experienced.
It's also about them seeing me in a serious light, and I wonder if any intelligent man will see me for me, and then weigh that up against low social status and immediate family, and decide in favour of seeing me for me.
I sincerely doubt it (on the bolded upper quote), probably just wishful thinking. I'd say the same thing about me and Mila Kunis.
And to the lower quote, I'd say you should have thought about that before having 2 kids. You mostly forfeit that concept by having kids, you are no longer simply "me for me."
I don't want to pile on like others have done here, you asked a fair question. And unemployed, or people with issues date all the time, so I don't agree with the people who think you should cover yourself in moth balls until you have a degree and decent job.
But to answer your original question, your league is pretty low. several levels below the intelligent, successful men you cite. Your only hope is to be in a decent league would be to be considerably attractive which you admit you are not. Learn to lower your standards, way down.
Trouble is, I'm not attracted to anyone who is not on the same level intellectually, so I figure my chances of finding anybody are going to be, let's put it optimistically, slim.
I'm sure beyonce has had ugly undesirable men approach her throughout life so I don't think "well who are the guys who are interested in you" is an acceptable answer
According to the men here on C-D, a woman can go up 5 points in her number rating just by being clever at putting on makeup.
OP, there are men who will date a divorced woman with children. They don't appear to post on C-D, but there are plenty of them out there in the real world.
If you are going back to school to learn a new profession, then school is the very best place to meet a man who is in the same intellectual league as you are. There is no better setting to meet a good selection of men who have enough brains to think.
Being on welfare is a huge negative. It is a bit less negative if you are on welfare and currently studying at an accredited school to better yourself.
Don't plan on any man rescuing you and taking over your care and feeding. But you should be able to date. Just don't be hoping for a new marriage until after you get your life situated.
A serious warning: there are pedophiles out there looking for vulnerable women with young children. They aren't a huge percentage of the population, but you are exactly their target audience. Just be aware and pay attention to how a man acts around your children.
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. Told you I'm a lefty, with good basis for it though.
