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Why talk to anyone really. What is there to talk about? You broke up and you feel sad, get over it already. You have a new girlfriend, life is going well, stop wallowing in your self pity. Go do something fun to take your mind off it all.
Personally, I've always been honest with the person I'm with about these things - and it's always gone well. .
Me, too. But I wasn't as bitter as the OP is. He comes across as if it just happened yesterday. And the whole adultery and betrayal stuff makes it sound like he is not even close to being over her. So talking with the new gf about the situation with all the hate will probably just confuse her and make her question him and their relationship.
You can tell her what is going on but I would save the deep convos about it for someone else.
I think it is pretty normal to feel a bit bummed BTW, I won't tell you to man up or anything. It's normal to have mixed feelings abotu an ex moving on, especially this soon after a divorce.
I was in a similar toxic relationship.....when it came to an end.....it took me several years and therapy to get myself past my victim and hurt identity......but I did it.....and got over her. I seldom hear anything about her and I am glad of that....our kids are also survivors of the relationship....and also found the only way to move on was to cut contact with their mother.
I have told my current significant other about my marriage....but I don't dwell on it .... or bring her into our relationship. I would advise you to do the same. Hopefully she will find happiness in her new relationship.....what ever....work on yourself and your new relationship. Good Luck.
You still have a lot of emotional pain to work through from your divorce. That is the bottom line. It means you need a good confidant to talk to who will be understanding and supportive and help you get through it.
A new GF is not likely the person you should first lean on. In time, you will be able to tell her more about what happened, but do not make her your crutch for your past. Your focus with her should be about your future and moving on. Find a friend, or a professional to speak to about your past to help settle things in your own mind.
Drop it or you just might lose the new GF. No one wants to hear about past relationship problems, unless a very small dose here and there. Don't dwell on the past. It's not fair to her.
I would also say that you're probably not ready for a relationship if you still have this much internal conflict over your ex. I, too, was cheated on by a person who wasn't that great a person, in or out of the relationship. Unlike you, though, apart from the initial shock at what happened, I didn't feel much pain. I felt mostly anger and embarrassment. At first, I felt like a first class chump for having wasted years loving and caring for someone who didn't apparently return it. Whereas you're heartbroken, I was just pissed at being used. You also left a relationship still loving somebody. I didn't. There was no conflict, I was done, done, done with him the minute I found out he'd started something up with somebody else behind my back. But I was ANGRY for quite a while. And I was angry at myself, for having given so much to a relationship when somebody else gave so little. Had to let go of that so I could move on.
Like a previous poster said, you just have to accept you wasted some time on someone who was unworthy and then move forward. I looked at it this way...I already lost a number of years on somebody who wasn't worth those years...any additional time I spend dwelling on that is just more time wasted. I moved on, met somebody truly incredible, got married, and started a new life...when I was ready. IF you're not ready, you can't move on. And no significant other or spouse is going to tolerate someone dwelling on the past...why should they?
I also agree that you should talk to a neutral party who is NOT your girlfriend (not necessarily a therapist, but if you have the funds and inclination to talk to one, why not?). She's not a girlfriend/therapist, and you should be honest with her that you're having a hard time (truth be known, it's highly likely she already knows you're having a hard time), but she doesn't need your nitty-gritty former relationship details. I would also be careful to do things that reassure her that you're happy in your current relationship (assuming you are happy in your current relationship). I don't think it's fair to confide these particular painful feelings to your girlfriend. It's not going to make you feel any better for your girlfriend to know that you have unresolved feelings toward your ex, and it's certainly not going to make her feel any better. Ask yourself what good would be served by telling her?
There are people whose philosophy is that they share everything, including potentially hurtful details. That works for some, it doesn't work for all. For me, personally, it's not worth it to unburden my soul to somebody I love if I know it runs a high chance of being a hurtful action. Striving not to hurt the people I love is of paramount importance to me. I will just go talk to somebody else who isn't going to be hurt by what I have to say, if it's really something that I need to get off my chest. But unburdening one's self CAN be done selfishly, so if you value your relationship with your GF, might wanna do some soul-searching and make sure that you're not doing any selfish unburdening.
But, also, expect that it takes time, even when you make that choice. It's not as cut and dry as waking up one morning and saying, "That's it, I'm moving on," and voila, you're fine. It takes as long as it takes. A lot of people don't accept that.
I would get MAD at myself when, months later, I'd be driving home from work, and see something on a billboard or hear something on NPR that would remind me of what happened, and I'd be caught offguard and seized briefly by the old anger and feelings of betrayal all over again, after long stretches of feeling great. I'd think, "Why am I not OVER these feelings?" Because it takes as long as it takes. It's just life. You can still move on.
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