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It's fine to talk about what's going on, but if you ask me... this is going to turn into a case of this poor girlfriend of your turning into a person who has to listen to a crying dude every 5 mins.
Yup, and I doubt any girlfriend would enjoy being in that position.
It's fine to talk about what's going on, but if you ask me... this is going to turn into a case of this poor girlfriend of your turning into a person who has to listen to a crying dude every 5 mins.
Wait a minute...if he actually cried to me over an ex I would not like that.
I have a buddy who went through this same exact thing. He tends to wallow in it a bit, and I think it's a huge turnoff to women.
I don't think this is something you have to talk with your girlfriend about in great detail. She is not your therapist. And I really think you should see a therapist if you haven't. From the way you sound, I suspect that you haven't.
Your ex is broken. She was never going to reciprocate your feelings, and the new guy is in for a godawful ride. Mourning or brooding about the fact that you loved someone who couldn't love you back is counterproductive. You need to understand what signs you ignored that told you she was disturbed and avoid those in future relationships. Beyond that, you just have to accept you wasted some time on someone who was unworthy and then move forward. Wishing she could have loved you is like wishing a pig could fly.
If you care for this new woman, you will get some professional help rather than expecting her to help you work through it. Tell the therapist how much pain you're in, and tell your girlfriend you're working through it with a professional and just let her know you're doing it so that you can have healthier relationships in the future.
Yeah, couples talk about their feelings, but you can't dump your feelings on your significant other and expect that since you've got "reason" they should just process it all and accept it and accommodate you. And that is what it sounds like you're fixing to do. Work on your issues. Don't just spill them to your gf and expect her to cope.
It's fine to talk about what's going on, but if you ask me... this is going to turn into a case of this poor girlfriend of your turning into a person who has to listen to a crying dude every 5 mins.
I'm not using her as an emotional sponge for whatever I dealt with in my past. I keep my those things to myself. We are seeing each other tonight and I plan on saying nothing about it.
Bi-Polar people can leave some pretty deep emotional scars.
She probably manipulated him so bad that he still is unsure how to be in a normal relationship.
I think opening up to his current girlfriend will either: A. Draw them closer. Or B. show him the new girlfriend is insecure and needs validation within the relationship.
Good crossroad. She should be your best friend and if you cannot confide in her than its best you move on.
So I spent some time trying to figure why I feel the way I feel about these things.
1. I was deeply in love with my ex-wife. Much like a mother loves it’s child, the love is unconditional. So, I put up with a lot of bad behavior because I felt very strongly about this person. My vows told me to stay by her, as well as to love and protect. But my better judgement told me to get out because the love was not being reciprocated in any meaningful way.
2. I was nothing more than a vehicle for her to feel fulfilled in her life. Her goal in life was to be married, have a huge diamond ring, have a huge house, and have a child. In no way did loving her husband fit into this equation, so I was getting used. After our honeymoon, we went 4 months without sex. So, I fulfilled all of these things for her, except a child. Once I put my foot down about children, because her behavior was getting bad and I wasn’t even comfortable bringing a child into our problems, she began to really revolt and the behavior got worse. She then sunk into bad depression - which she had dealt with before we met.
3. When I pulled the plug on my marriage, I did it to save myself. Yes I still loved her.
4. When she was able to spread her legs for another guy (some big shot that she works with) soon after me, it sparked huge feelings of inadequacy and jealously. Even though there is nothing legally wrong with her getting with a new guy, I still had very strong feelings for her and the new guy was intruding on what was still mentally mine, because I was not detached from her. That unconditional love was still there - which is wrong. It was all so hurtful because we only had sex 12 times in our 3 year marriage. I wondered what I did to deserve this and what made him so great.
5. I was able to recover enough 10 months after it was all finalized and get to a point of acceptance and decent mental health. A few weeks later, my now girlfriend came into my life and made me realize just how bad my ex-wife was. In fact, my ex-wife saw us together one day at a gift shop. I was finally getting the respect and affection I wanted in my marriage, all with some woman who I am very attracted.
6. When word got to me that she was now engaged, it brought all sorts of painful feelings of inadequacy.
7. But what I came to realize is that the patterns are all the same. That he is just being used as well. He proposed to her in the same amount of time that I proposed to her. I figured him to be some super human, but what this has all showed me is that she is still the defective woman I married, that he fell for all the same crap she did to me in the beginning. I think, if they were to be engaged after three years of dating, I would guess that he did in fact figure her out and she had changed. He has NO CLUE what he is in for. But now, it all makes sense to me.
Everything you post absolutely SCREAMS that you have not successfully moved forward, and it's very unfair to be in a relationship with someone knew when you're still 100% dwelling on the old one.
Don't think op is ready for a new relationship.
Too wrapped up in his ex.
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