What are his intentions? Friends or more... (dating, married, women)

[laprof]

Hello there,

I'm curious to know what people think about this situation.

I met a guy in August at a dinner. We hit it off immediately (he wanted to invite me for a drink the very same night), and have spent time together almost every week since. I really thought that we would end up in a relationship, by the way he was acting. He was (and still is) constantly giving me compliments, and we get along really well. He was (and still is!) talking about things we can do in the future. I caught him in a few intense stares from across the room. We had a conversation back in October since I needed to know what was going on, and he said he just wanted to be friends. Since then, his behavior hasn't really changed. He still gives me compliments all the time (even on my clothes), and says he's looking forward to seeing me before every time we meet...and yet we are only friends. He has mentioned a woman he's interested in (but nothing has happened yet) and said that she's smart, but not as smart as me.

I think that I have to distance myself from him since this just doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Yet, we really did click and I'd hate to lose the friendship. It would probably be easier for me to distance myself if he wasn't acting the way he is. Deep down I don't think he has intentions other than friendship, yet....

Uggh....any advice is appreciated. These situations are difficult no matter what age you are, it seems!

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I hate it when guys send out mixed messages, he is saying with his actions that he wants to be more then friends but he is saying in so many words that he only wants to be friends. I personally would take him at his word and assume he is just a really nice guy and that he only wants to be friends.

My guess is that he is trying to manipulate you in some way, like maybe into being a booty call or maybe he is involved with someone else and he is looking over the fence to see if its greener over there.

Either way, he does say he only wants to be friends. I would keep looking for someone else.

[skatealoneskatetogether]

he could be shy. some times men mention other woman cause it makes woman jealous. after all woman are attracted to men who attract a lot of woman, not men who don't. i mean he did say "she is smart" but "not as smart as you". my question to you is what messages are you sending him that would have him being so cautious in his advances?

[nicolepsy]

sounds like he is definitely interested in you!
have you tried to make the first move?
maybe his body is covered with warts or something and he doesnt want you to find out until youre head over heels in love with him?

[laprof]

Thanks so far for all the comments. I have been dating others, I'm not waiting for him. I do however think that I should stop hanging out with him every week. It will be hard, but this week I'm going to say I'm busy. I want him to miss me a little and appreciate me more. He may be interested and dating others because he wants to see who else is out there, true. But I'm not going to wait around.

And if he's not interested, why is he acting the way he is? Such mixed messages!

[miu]

Originally Posted by laprof

Hello there,

I'm curious to know what people think about this situation.

I met a guy in August at a dinner. We hit it off immediately (he wanted to invite me for a drink the very same night), and have spent time together almost every week since. I really thought that we would end up in a relationship, by the way he was acting. He was (and still is) constantly giving me compliments, and we get along really well. He was (and still is!) talking about things we can do in the future. I caught him in a few intense stares from across the room. We had a conversation back in October since I needed to know what was going on, and he said he just wanted to be friends. Since then, his behavior hasn't really changed. He still gives me compliments all the time (even on my clothes), and says he's looking forward to seeing me before every time we meet...and yet we are only friends. He has mentioned a woman he's interested in (but nothing has happened yet) and said that she's smart, but not as smart as me.

I think that I have to distance myself from him since this just doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Yet, we really did click and I'd hate to lose the friendship. It would probably be easier for me to distance myself if he wasn't acting the way he is. Deep down I don't think he has intentions other than friendship, yet....

Uggh....any advice is appreciated. These situations are difficult no matter what age you are, it seems!

When you had this conversation with him, it sounds like you only asked him how HE felt about you. But on the other hand, he also sounds like you didn't tell him that you really liked him, that you felt you "clicked" with him. Maybe he was worried about offending you by telling you that he liked you too for something more. Plus if he is a cautious man, meeting in August, by October he probably didn't know for sure if he wanted to commit to you. And that shouldn't be taken as an insult, but some people might take it that way.

How old are the two of you? Any past relationship disasters or divorce on his part? Does he seem like a cautious man in other situations?

And who is paying for the dinners together?

I think that he does like you. Try mentioning a date you'd had with someone else. Tell him that your date wasn't as smart as he was. See what his reaction is to that remark. And (only if) you want to date this guy, joke that since the two of you get along so well and you love your weekly get togethers, instead of looking for others to date, the two of you should just be an item. Keep it light, and if he backs away, just lightly say that once either of you starts dating someone, your weekly dinners will have to come to a stop, and you'd miss his company.

I love my platonic male friends, but it does seem like this guy likes you more than just as a friend. But I think that you should have another talk, but this time be more forthcoming of how you feel about him. You don't have to make it a declaration of love, but you do have to tell him that you really enjoy his company and that you feel the two of you have something more than a simple friendship. And if he should tell you that he only wants to be friends with you, then it's okay too. And consider him a kindred spirit rather than a soulmate. But at least you will know how he feels.

Anyway, it sounds like in your first conversation with him in October, you wanted him to announce his intentions but didn't give him any support by also saying that you feel that you really click with him. And by now, he should know if he would like to begin a more serious phase of dating with you. In this day and age, I think that couples should not be rushing too quickly from light dating to serious dating imo. As it takes a long time to really get to know someone and also to see the real person that they are and not just the perfect person they present during the courtship phases.

[pirate girl]

Maybe take a step back from the friendship and tell him that your feelings as well as his behavior are confusing you. Yes, you will be going out on a limb, but you've got nothing to lose right now. If he's as nice as you think he is, he'll understand and the friendship should recover after you take a break and regroup.

[Twinkle Toes]

You should make yourself scarce around this guy. He sounds like a player. He's trying to manipulate you by dropping hints about other women in the hopes of making you jealous and making himself out to be some hot commodity. I'll bet you anything he's reading a book called "The Game". People always want what they can't have or the thing that is the scarcest and most rare. He's trying to create a sense of scarceness to manipulate you. You need to turn that game around on him and make yourself scarce. Either that, or just dump this player!

[songinthewind7]

Sounds married to me.

[Cosmic]

The dude already has some nice bed bunny but wants to groom a replacement if his present situation falls thru. He sounds like he is only investing one night a week. Not a bad game, have the standby babe ready to go on quick notice.

Also could be you are confusing him too. Put some heavy moves on him and see what he does. Maybe the dude just needs his starter button pushed. The mixed messages can be all different ways.