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Old 04-29-2014, 04:53 PM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,163,891 times
Reputation: 26547

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
So I recently discovered that my ex-boyfriend got married and I'm kind of not happy about this. I haven't seen or spoken to him in the five years since we broke up and knew absolutely nothing about what was going on in his life. I assumed he was dating or in a relationship, but not MARRIED!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED BEFORE HE DID, BUT I'VE BEEN SINGLE EVER SINCE I BROKE UP WITH HIM.

He wasn't a horrible guy so I guess he deserves to be happy, but . I haven't seen the girl yet, but I really want to know what she looks like.
Did he dump you? Did you dump him?

Did you want to get married and he didn't?

Why do you care what she looks like? At the end of the day, she's married to him and you're not.

My point here is that you were fine not knowing anything about how he was doing, good or bad, until you found out he got married.

Why should this change?
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Old 04-29-2014, 04:55 PM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,163,891 times
Reputation: 26547
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
OK if you hear one thing I have to say, make it this -

"Fear" of penetration is NOT NORMAL.

You need to go to one of those scary gynaecologists and speak to them. They aren't all about smears and birth control, they are specialists in the mechanics of the woman and can fix whatever isn't working.

Clearly, your vagina is not working.

Instead of obsessing over something you can't change, ie your exe's marital state vs your own, how about putting that energy in to sorting out your "problem"?

It will not magically disappear when a guy licks your ear right.

I think you have one of two problems which both have the same effect -

You have a massive and irrational fear equivalent to a phobia which WILL curtail your romantic life left untreated OR

You have a physical problem (my bet) I knew a girl who could never "lose" her virginity (the hymen) because it was extra heavy duty, so every time she attempted sex or tampons it was incredibly painful. Minor surgery fixed it and then she was shagging like a champion.

You need to quit your silly little obsessions as they are distracting you from some quite serious health/emotional issues.

Get yourself right before you worry about marrying or even dating someone. The Universe is screaming at you, so listen.

Fix your vagina and the rest will take care of itself.
Oh my.

Yes... this is the problem that needs fixing. I can see why he married someone else, who presumably could have intercourse, though.
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When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
 
Old 04-29-2014, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,620 posts, read 22,575,993 times
Reputation: 14355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Having a fear of penetration does not equal "frigid". I get aroused. I have orgasms when I'm self pleasuring (sorry if that's TMI).


The gynecologist I've spoken to about it is sweet, but I don't really think she can help me. I've read lots of stuff about it and there's not much that can be done to get over the fear besides penetrating yourself with things and gradually increasing the size of the object until you can comfortably insert a PENIS.
Watch the movie "Kinsey". His wife had this problem when they first got married.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 04:59 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
Did he dump you? Did you dump him?
I ended the relationship because I felt that we were both unhappy and things weren't going to get better.

Quote:
Did you want to get married and he didn't?
I've always wanted to get married, but we never talked about marrying each other. I didn't get the impression that he had any interest in marriage to anyone at the time we were dating.

Quote:
Why do you care what she looks like? At the end of the day, she's married to him and you're not.
You're right. It doesn't matter what she looks like, but I'm just curious to know who he married.

Quote:
My point here is that you were fine not knowing anything about how he was doing, good or bad, until you found out he got married.
True, I mean, I've wondered about him every now and then, but I don't spend a lot of time thinking about him.

Quote:
Why should this change?
It shouldn't.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:03 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk J View Post
Watch the movie "Kinsey". His wife had this problem when they first got married.
Oh, really? I'll have to check that out. I'm actually not the only woman in the world with this issue (maybe the only one on C-D, haha), so I've had the opportunity to communicate with others who have it. A lot of them never found out until after they were married because they're religious and didn't try to have sex until after the wedding.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:04 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
Reputation: 11987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Having a fear of penetration does not equal "frigid". I get aroused. I have orgasms when I'm self pleasuring (sorry if that's TMI).


The gynecologist I've spoken to about it is sweet, but I don't really think she can help me. I've read lots of stuff about it and there's not much that can be done to get over the fear besides penetrating yourself with things and gradually increasing the size of the object until you can comfortably insert a PENIS.
Ever heard of a second opinion?

Yes I always rely on the internet to diagnose my ills too.

Your problem is between your EARS not your legs.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:04 PM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,762,264 times
Reputation: 3176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I ended the relationship because I felt that we were both unhappy and things weren't going to get better.


I've always wanted to get married, but we never talked about marrying each other. I didn't get the impression that he had any interest in marriage to anyone at the time we were dating.


You're right. It doesn't matter what she looks like, but I'm just curious to know who he married.


True, I mean, I've wondered about him every now and then, but I don't spend a lot of time thinking about him.


It shouldn't.
Ok...

Then why are you venting on this message board about his getting married based on these answers from you?
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:06 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by snugglegirl05 View Post
Ok...

Then why are you venting on this message board about his getting married based on these answers from you?
Just because you're over someone and haven't thought about them in years doesn't mean that you're not going to have a reaction when you hear that they've gotten married. I Googled it so I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:08 PM
 
73 posts, read 87,670 times
Reputation: 97
I wonder if any of the OP's problems with her ex had anything to do with (the lack of) sex.
 
Old 04-29-2014, 05:09 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,224,411 times
Reputation: 11987
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Oh, really? I'll have to check that out. I'm actually not the only woman in the world with this issue (maybe the only one on C-D, haha), so I've had the opportunity to communicate with others who have it. A lot of them never found out until after they were married because they're religious and didn't try to have sex until after the wedding.

Which came first, the fear or the piety? (no one else would've )

Does Religion in the 21st Century America STILL tell its' young girls that their vaginas belong to their future husbands?

Things are worse than I thought.
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