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Old 04-29-2014, 09:32 PM
 
9 posts, read 7,088 times
Reputation: 15

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Hi all. I had an issue come up the past few days and I'm seeking any advice any of you would be so kind to offer. I don't think I've disliked myself as much as I did this weekend. I was in a friends wedding this weekend, and when I was asked to be in it 8 months ago I swore to myself I would be in better shape so I can look good at the wedding. Of course I didn't fulfill that promise to myself. There was this really good looking girl who I know that was on the brides side, and I was hoping for the longest time that I'd be paired up with her. We both know each other and have the same friends but have never ever hung out in a social situation. I've never really had a crush on this girl or anything, but I would definitely date her if I had the chance.

This girl is kind of like me. We're the same age and both have been single for the longest time. Friday at the rehearsal I find out I'm paired up with her. I was thrilled. I spent the night talking myself up, telling myself to just be confident, talk to her, and show her the side of you that all your friends see, because we'd be around each other the entire day. Long story short we exchanged a couple hello's when we walked down the aisle and that was pretty much it. Most of the reception I was talking to everybody, having a great time, except her. She spent a lot of the night sitting at the other end of the table playing with kids or on her phone. I just could not bring myself to go talk to her. It was the perfect opportunity. I don't even know if its fear or rejection, or what. I guess its because we know so many of the same people, and we've never really hung out before, I would feel foolish showing any interest if there was none on her end. I was hoping for the bridal dance we're the couples in the wedding party all dance together, but the DJ didn't do that.

Thing is now I think I have a pretty big crush on this girl. We were the only people in the party that we'rent married, and whether true or not I feel like the bride paired us up for a reason. I cant see another situation where we'd run into each other and talk where I could possibly gage if there was any interest on her end. I cant just message her on facebook or something, that'd be lamer than the crap I pulled this weekend.

Thing is, I just don't understand why I think the way I do. Around my friends I'm funny, outgoing, etc. Almost all day during the wedding I just wasn't myself and quiet because of this girl. I see guys show interest in girls and get shot down all the time, but for me, I was just so scarred to look foolish or look like I thought just because we were paired up that she liked me or something. I spent the whole day thinking I looked awful and theres no way she could go for me. Everyone else was having fun with their partners, but I barely spoke to mine. I know I judge myself WAY harsher than anyone else, but I don't know how to stop. I mean this wasn't just being nervous around a girl, I almost completely shut down. And I spent the rest of the weekend depressed it, and I'm not even sure I had a chance in the first place, but I feel I let a good opportunity slip by.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,411 posts, read 26,265,752 times
Reputation: 16497
Soldiers have courage.

Asking a girl out doesn't take courage, just walk up and ask her out. Do it before you can think twice.

If you tell yourself you don't care, you won't care about the result. Just do it.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:35 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
3,795 posts, read 3,867,521 times
Reputation: 3341
It can come from your testes.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:39 PM
 
Location: California
30,708 posts, read 33,519,076 times
Reputation: 26138
Just assume nothing is ever going to happen (nothing will in your current state) and talk to her. Once you "get" that you can't blow it, you won't ruin anything, there is nothing to reject, etc...then it's not such an issue. Don't approach it with expectations, those always mess you up.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,677 posts, read 44,354,101 times
Reputation: 25001
Ask the bride when she gets back that you are interested in going out with her friend. Married people constantly want to set up single people.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,843 posts, read 12,289,933 times
Reputation: 26302
Sigh......I hate "what if's" and try to live my life regret free. Whats worse for me than rejection, is not trying. Id hate to be on my death bed and look back and say..."I should have done this or that"; my courage derives from that thought.

OP, the worse she can do is say no. Like burgler said, you just have to approach it like you don't give a fk.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:53 PM
 
9 posts, read 7,088 times
Reputation: 15
You are right and thanks for the advice everyone. There really is no reason not to go for it. But after barely speaking to her at the wedding only to send a facebook message later seems kind of weak. (I cant think of a situation where we'd see each other. It'd have to be a random run in out on the town or something) I mean, I don't deny I have serious self confidence issues. Just in the past year or so I had two girls that turned out liked me, nothing materialized but I always tell myself after stuff like that to realize just because I think one way doesn't mean a girl does. I didn't think either of these girls would think I was attractive and it turns out they both liked me.

My best friend was always really awkward with girls his whole life. Only had 1 girlfriend going into our mid 20s and ended up having a kid with her. Hes not the best looking guy, but he liked a cute girl that we went to high school with an pursued her. Now this is a guy that didn't have a good job at the time, a 4 year old with another women, and on top of that the mother is/was a complete psycho and always causing him trouble in which he'd have to contact police and lawyers from time to time. That's a lot of baggage at the time, and here they are getting married next week. If that doesn't encourage me I don't know what will.

This girl is really nice so its not like she'd go around making fun of me for asking her out or anything. I don't even know where this came from. I've known her for a while, always thought she was attractive, but never had any interest in ever dating her, now in the days since the wedding I've been thinking about her a ton. I just would feel a lot better if I spoke to her more and could get any kind of signal. But I do know I need to make a decision soon because if I let this linger its going to hurt worse if she's not interested.
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Old 04-30-2014, 12:15 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,751 posts, read 20,035,771 times
Reputation: 45842
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Sigh......I hate "what if's" and try to live my life regret free. Whats worse for me than rejection, is not trying. Id hate to be on my death bed and look back and say..."I should have done this or that"; my courage derives from that thought.

OP, the worse she can do is say no. Like burgler said, you just have to approach it like you don't give a fk.
This. I think there can be nothing worse than dying, knowing that you never lived life.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:36 AM
 
12,348 posts, read 13,600,665 times
Reputation: 14342
What a waste of youthful vigor.

When you get older you don't give a rip
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,079 posts, read 8,361,585 times
Reputation: 19470
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
What a waste of youthful vigor.

When you get older you don't give a rip

^^^This.

Youth is wasted on the young. - George Bernard Shaw
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