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Old 04-30-2014, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,696 posts, read 34,240,753 times
Reputation: 76906

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In general, more men are being invited/involved in wedding showers because many people think the tradition of "showering" a bride with kitchen gear and cookbooks is sexist (like he's never going to use the blender?) And like people have said, the tradition has gone from giving a nice set of dishtowels to giving a $400 vacuum, so it's gone crazy.

For the OP's specific question, just say you can't make it. You've been involved enough.
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:29 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
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Co-ed wedding showers are fine, but I find the repeated celebrations leading up to a wedding to be asinine. It becomes just this depraved exercise in narcissism rather than an honest celebration. You're handling all these other things, so they should not give you grief over missing one of their little parties.

Go, and they can suck it. If they put up a stink, consider it time to look at distancing yourself from your brother. Courteous and considerate and loving people do not expect to own you just because you're the best man at their stinkin' wedding.
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Old 05-07-2014, 01:57 AM
 
Location: Sacramento CA
303 posts, read 538,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
Around here a joint shower is called a Jack and Jill, and Stag and Doe is a party where you don't bring a gift but you're charged for tickets to get in and are expected to spend money, bid on auction items, 50/50 draws, raffles, all of which goes to the bride and groom.
In my experience, wedding showers tend to state if it's given in honor of just the bride or the couple together. If it's the couple, then the best man should go (if possible) and if it's just the bride then he shouldn't. I've been to both and that's my experience with the protocol. There are people who do this for baby showers too, depending on who's throwing it.
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Old 05-07-2014, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Sunny Bay Area, CA
1,566 posts, read 2,153,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
Wouldn't everyone call you gay for going to a shower?

Then again, I don't know anything about weddings. I remember a guy showing up to some sort of shower and my mom was telling me how awkward it was.

Maybe that was a baby shower?


Don't mind me.. I'm stupid
LOL, get with the century Like others said nowadays it's not big deal to see guys at showers.

Glad it worked out and they were understanding OP!
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Old 05-07-2014, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,844 posts, read 13,204,065 times
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Personally, I don't like these "Jack and Jill" showers, but that's just my opinion. Do guys really care if they get the china they registered for or that particular crock pot? Women get lingerie at their shower--do other men need to see the bride-to-be showing off her honeymoon g-string?

OP, I would let them know that you book your travel plans month ago and that you cannot exchange or cancel. I'm sure they will completely understand
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Old 05-07-2014, 04:09 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
Personally, I don't like these "Jack and Jill" showers, but that's just my opinion. Do guys really care if they get the china they registered for or that particular crock pot? Women get lingerie at their shower--do other men need to see the bride-to-be showing off her honeymoon g-string?

OP, I would let them know that you book your travel plans month ago and that you cannot exchange or cancel. I'm sure they will completely understand
Last few weddings I've participated in, the guys have been just as likely to use the crock pot as the chicks. The gifts at a shower are meant to be for the couple, not just the bride. What, you think the women actually enjoy sitting through all that crap? I don't drink very much, but when I'm at a wedding shower, it's the damn mimosa fountains that get me through and nothing else. Maybe if men are expected to participate more regularly, they'll stop being so damn boring.
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Old 05-07-2014, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,844 posts, read 13,204,065 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Last few weddings I've participated in, the guys have been just as likely to use the crock pot as the chicks. The gifts at a shower are meant to be for the couple, not just the bride. What, you think the women actually enjoy sitting through all that crap? I don't drink very much, but when I'm at a wedding shower, it's the damn mimosa fountains that get me through and nothing else. Maybe if men are expected to participate more regularly, they'll stop being so damn boring.
I know the gifts are meant for both but bridal showers were called that for a reason--for the bride. Yes there are some guys that will use that crock pot, but a lot of guys I know don't give a hoot at all about the bridal shower. We know a few guys that had to participate or attend a Jack and Jill shower. Those dudes were not happy lol

Same with Jack and Jill bachelor parties. I don't get it.
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Old 05-08-2014, 12:06 PM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,670,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rationalmale18 View Post
I'm just kinda at a loss how to tell my overly sensitive bro that I'm not gonna drive accross the state mid festival for a shower.
i wouldn't overthink it

"i can't make it" should suffice

further questions should be met with: "I made other plans this weekend", or deflections like: "Well, I will be attending your [future event] at [future time]."

you're the best man, it's your responsibility to look out for the groom. the shower is about the bride, not the groom, and thus not your responsibility.
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Old 05-08-2014, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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There is a trend that grooms may put in an appearance at a wedding shower...I've never heard of having the entire groom's side of a wedding party participate, however. At my sister's, her now-husband showed up at the tail end to thank people for coming. My husband was working during mine, but he was invited...there were quite a few members of my family who hadn't met him yet, so it would have been an opportunity for people to meet him before the wedding, but it wasn't essential or anything.

I didn't care whether I had a shower or not, but my sister/maid of honor wanted to throw one, so, good for her. It was nice and thoughtful. Most of our gifts were cookware and appliances, which my husband uses easily as much as I do, if not more.
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Old 05-08-2014, 12:53 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
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This isn't a surprising trend. People are waiting longer to get married and what are people going to do, not invite their closest friends to an event like this because of their gender? I've been to plenty of weddings where there are women in the groom's party and men in the bride's party... people include their best friends.
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