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Obviously I was in love with her at some point, but it sort of faded. The damage from her rages and verbal insults just really took a toll on me. Another thing is the screaming, she does it when in an argument; she claims it's the only way she can get my attention. It's not something that I've ever encountered in a relationship before. I'm generally non-reactionary to it, which makes it even worse. She eventually calms down, but it's all just too much for me.
Communication between spouses is important, including the way you "fight". What's your role in an argument, and why does she feel she has to resort to screaming to get your attention?
So why did you marry her? You must have had disagreements/arguments before you were married.
Dude... I had no idea of the extent of her anger issues. I knew she was tough, independent and a vocal person if she felt she was being slighted. I just didn't imagine it'd carried over into her interactions with me when we have disagreements.
I'm a very quiet guy, introverted and I have some issues with shyness. So when she blows up and I'm not engaged it comes off as sort of not interested, it's really just too exhausting for me.
Now, granted I'm a quiet guy, but I'm no angel. I do boneheaded stuff, that I'm sure could be a cause for an argument, but not screaming and the crying fits she gets into. I get upset at times too, but I tend to not speak at all for a few hours, put on my headphones and zone out to music or I'll make a comment and be done with it.
What attempts have you made to change things to become happier and more satisfied? Or are you just sitting back, noticing things are declining, yet not doing anything or speaking up? Unless you communicate your unhappiness and dissatisfaction, it's not fair to expect your spouse to just know something's wrong. The burden of your unhappiness does not rest solely on her shoulders.
I also don't believe in walking out of a marriage until you have made those efforts to change things that aren't suiting you. If you do make changes and do things differently than before, your spouse will be forced to respond to those changes. How she responds will tell you if things can move ahead positively or if there truly is no saving your marriage.
YES !!! I'm sitting back watching things decline. I'm not bothered that our marriage is sexless any more either. We got into an argument the other night about something trivial, she's been locking the bedroom door for two nights and as a result I've been sleeping on the f@$% sofa.
And get this, I'm generally a happy person. Happy about life, just optimistic and in a good mood. I'm not on the surface UNHAPPY. I can still joke and laugh after an argument and get over stuff. With her it just drags on, and on... and I'm just not willing to put in that type of work to turn things around. I'd much prefer a clean break and a new start.
I do dread the single life again, I recall it really sucked - but I'm willing to take my chances being the mid-30s single guy.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Ok, fair enough, I'm just perplexed how that didn't come out before marriage. I mean, presumable you dated for a couple of years at least and had an engagement... hard to go several years without a disagreement of some substance.
Anyway, that doesn't matter now I guess. Y'all need therapy/counseling, but if you don't want to make it work... well, that's that I guess.
Dude... I had no idea of the extent of her anger issues. I knew she was tough, independent and a vocal person if she felt she was being slighted. I just didn't imagine it'd carried over into her interactions with me when we have disagreements.
I'm a very quiet guy, introverted and I have some issues with shyness. So when she blows up and I'm not engaged it comes off as sort of not interested, it's really just too exhausting for me.
Now, granted I'm a quiet guy, but I'm no angel. I do boneheaded stuff, that I'm sure could be a cause for an argument, but not screaming and the crying fits she gets into. I get upset at times too, but I tend to not speak at all for a few hours, put on my headphones and zone out to music or I'll make a comment and be done with it.
If you like *******, stay married.
Jesus H. Christ - you don't have any kids, but your wife stays home despite being so smart and tough and independent, while bitching at YOU to earn more and basically emotionally abusing you. Then she goes and gets some part-time gig. Pfffft. Whoopty-do.
You're her cash cow. If this is the way you look forward to spending the rest of your life, go right ahead.
I'd skip the marriage counseling - she clearly has an exploitative and controlling mindset, and that's not going to change. But as soon as you extract yourself from the marriage, get yourself straight into therapy so you understand how you got yourself into this situation in the first place.
I swear, the more I stay on this Relationships board, the happier I am with being single.
General question and maybe someone can provide some insight or advice. Got married late 20s, great woman. She's a very strong and beautiful woman. My problem is she has a ferocious temper and I'm a very calm, relaxed personality.
We're on year 6 of marriage and I am NOT MISERABLE, but NOT HAPPY.. NOT Unsatisfied, but not SATISFIED. We're both very attractive and on the surface everyone thinks we're the perfect couple. We have no children and I make most of the income and pay all of the bills. She got her first job a year ago, it's part-time, all of her income is used for makeup products and shopping. However, she is highly educated, well-traveled and bilingual.
I've reached the point where I'm researching divorce and seriously considering getting a lawyer to start the process. I don't think this can be repaired and I'm frankly not up to it. We have no children, so this should be a clean break. I have no problem taking care of her living arrangements for a bit, while she transitions in our separation. At this point, I'm just ready to be FREE again.
I will never for the life of me understand why men in particular marry someone who will not work and contribute financially. Especially if she is highly educated as you claim. I also don't understand how you can describe her as independent when she barley works and you support her.
I'm not sure what the divorce laws are in your state but 6 years with a large wage discrepancy you have set yourself up for a financial loss. As far as her temper have you considered getting her into anger management?
YES !!! I'm sitting back watching things decline. I'm not bothered that our marriage is sexless any more either. We got into an argument the other night about something trivial, she's been locking the bedroom door for two nights and as a result I've been sleeping on the f@$% sofa.
And get this, I'm generally a happy person. Happy about life, just optimistic and in a good mood. I'm not on the surface UNHAPPY. I can still joke and laugh after an argument and get over stuff. With her it just drags on, and on... and I'm just not willing to put in that type of work to turn things around. I'd much prefer a clean break and a new start.
I do dread the single life again, I recall it really sucked - but I'm willing to take my chances being the mid-30s single guy.
Well, no one can make you care if you don't anymore, but IMO you have some issues you need to work on. A clean break and starting over isn't going to cure your inability to communicate during an argument, your disinterest in working to solve things in the moment, yet laughing and joking and brushing it off afterward. Maybe with her it's dragging on and on because there isn't ever a resolution to the problems, you're simply avoiding them, and her, until her upset dies down.
I'm not pinning this all on you but IMO you are equally responsible for your marital issues and you could change if you wanted to. But you're still going to be you, no matter who you're with.
We have no children and I make most of the income and pay all of the bills. She got her first job a year ago, it's part-time, all of her income is used for makeup products and shopping. When we first got married she would complain about my bachelor style apartment, my lack of promotions compared to my colleagues and how we needed more money.
@timberline742 THANKS for the advice. I think the other part of it is we didn't live together before we got married. So some things I discovered during the marriage. After the first year, its just been more of a continued decline.
She's a great person, and I think we'd remain good friends after we part.
Here's my list of reservations I have about divorcing, WARNING some are SERIOUSLY SELFISH.
1) single life sucked for me in my 20s. I was super-paranoid about STDs the whole time. I recall having casual (protected) sex and then self-diagnosing myself for several weeks - like, "what's this bump here ? was that here before ?". lmao.
2) how much is this going to cost me? (divorce, alimony) $200K is not as much money as ppl think it is...
3) i have panic attacks pretty often and my wife generally calms me down enough, to where I don't feel I need to call ER.
4) wife is an excellent cook.
JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING, I never had a panic attack until I got married... Wondering if my wife is the cause ?!? They are pretty debilitating for me.
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